Yeah; not. I was laughing as I wrote that just now. It has been quite some time since I have found any joy in being a parent. I am both physically and mentally exhausted from the daily arguments with my 13 year old about going to school. She is literally questioning me about why she cannot have a friend over today, yet her stomach hurts too bad to go to school? I’m not kidding; she has enough nerve to ask me something as crazy as that. I think I made it very clear that it will be Monday before she goes to her friends, her friends come over, or she has her phone.
Some days I seriously wonder how I ever made it this far. I am down to the last of four daughters, and this one may very well break me. I expected things to be so much more different than this. I was also the youngest of four children, and when I was the last one home, my Mom and I had a fantastic relationship. I don’t recall ever acting like this. Honestly if I had, I would not be here right now…
Do I love my daughter? Absolutely! My children are the most important things in my life, and I would do anything for any single one of them.
Do I love being a parent? Usually not. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I have been raising daughters for 26 years, and most of that was done on my own. It has never been easy. Of course there are the moments of great joy and pride, and lots of them. But then there are days like today when I look at my 13 year old and can only think…”Did you seriously just ask me why your friend can’t come over when you are too sick to go to school?”
Who does that? She has nerve, I’ll definitely give her that. The wonderful moments certainly outweigh the crappy days like today, and that is what makes this journey worth it. If they didn’t, what would it all be for?
And this too shall pass…. 🙂
I can relate very well! I have five kids, I lost the eldest (boy) five years ago at 21 and 3 ladies (ages 24,22,20 ) with me now and the youngest boy 15. You can just imagine the challenges I face from the time they started growing up. I had that’s same experience with yours and yes it is also very true that they were my great source of joy and pride. Being a mom is a real tough journey, but the most fulfilling as well! I’m sure you can relate to it!
I’m glad to meet you here, by the way, I am also a survivor of sexual abuse.
Thank you for sharing Aui! I am done being silent, and I don’t care who I hurt; it hurts me every. single. day.
I slowly reclaim my power ans sense of self worth when I started talking about it. It also paves the way from innermost healing
sorry, ‘was typing so fast, have some typo errors
Hey Angela, thanks for being so honest! It’s mums like you who keep everybody else going because you are not afraid to tell it like it is. I have a daughter who will be 13 next month so I totally understand where you are coming from. Mind you, she’s been thirteen since she was 4, has yours? 🙂
It certainly feels that way 🙂 LOL