parenting

All posts in the parenting category

Managing Anxiety On The Inside…

Published September 7, 2018 by Angela

…and looking like I have it together on the outside. It seems to be how I have been living my life as of late. Although it works, it is certainly not ideal. While I am one to keep my business to myself (well, except for blogging about it LOL!), it can be important that others recognize I have anxiety. How do I know if they are wondering why I am being exceptionally quiet, or seem especially stressed out? I have had people ask me if I am doing okay when I am being very quiet. So they see it. Everyone sees it.

It is not that I am hiding it, or embarrassed, or ashamed; I just have always been a very private person. Talking helps. I know it helps immediately alleviate the anxiety for me, because when I am communicating, I don’t have time to focus on the anxiety.

Anxiety Meme

courtesy of Meme.xyz 

All four of my daughters have inherited my anxiety issues. It is a difficult thing to watch them go through, but it also makes me more determined to find good ways to manage it, so I can lead by setting a good example. I need to learn to focus on all of the things in my life I have been blessed with, and there are so very many, and stop putting all of my attention on the things that aren’t so good.

I need to manage my self-care better, and eat the right foods, and take my supplements, and get moving more! This is where I always say…I’ll start tomorrow… knowing tomorrow never gets here. I will run out of tomorrows, so it has got to be TODAY!

Easy to say, and hard to do! I absolutely take it one-day-at-a-time! Sometimes, it is an hour at a time.

What are your go-to tricks to calm your anxiety when it hits you out of the blue? Do you have something that works every single time, or is it hit-and-miss?

 

As The School Year Begins…

Published September 6, 2018 by Angela

…I have been working through the things I need to do for myself, and my girls, to make this new start of the year go smoothly, and in the best possible fashion for my new Freshman. I have always viewed the beginning of the school year as a start of a “new year” for myself as well. It is a time to get new schedules put in place, new goals to work on, and I get to enjoy the most beautiful time of the year, Autumn in Michigan, and High School Football. My girls going to the school with the most winning football team in Michigan history makes the football games unbelievably exciting! Always having one of my girls in the Marching Band is a wonderful bonus as well!

My 17 year old is now also back with me for the majority of the time, which I am over the Moon about, but it definitely throws another dynamic in the picture. She is out of school, so I need to make sure she stays on a schedule herself, which can certainly be a struggle with her 😊 We are working on what is next for her, and what opportunities are available, and what she may need to work on to achieve her goals.

Positive-Quotes-16

Now I get to figure out how to get and keep myself on track. I honestly feel like for the last month or so I have been completely off the rails. Not in a destructive way, per se, but I certainly am not eating as healthy as I had been for the previous couple of months, and I feel like I have too many pans in the fire, and I need to get something in place to manage everything. It is certainly possible with good organization and determination on my part. When I have those days though, where I don’t want to get out of bed, I have no motivation, or my anxiety has come to roost, it is hard to get anything done, or even think about anything.

I can wake up feeling fantastic and motivated to conquer the world, but it quickly disappears. Once I start working on a project, even if it is cleaning the house or doing dishes, I feel fantastic once I start and then get it finished. It is just so hard sometimes to even get started. This is where I definitely need to just push myself to get up and do something!

How to you handle the new school year if you have kids in school? Do you find it exciting, or frustrating?

The Joys of Parenthood

Published April 19, 2018 by Angela

Yeah; not. I was laughing as I wrote that just now. It has been quite some time since I have found any joy in being a parent. I am both physically and mentally exhausted from the daily arguments with my 13 year old about going to school. She is literally questioning me about why she cannot have a friend over today, yet her stomach hurts too bad to go to school? I’m not kidding; she has enough nerve to ask me something as crazy as that. I think I made it very clear that it will be Monday before she goes to her friends, her friends come over, or she has her phone.

Some days I seriously wonder how I ever made it this far. I am down to the last of four daughters, and this one may very well break me. I expected things to be so much more different than this. I was also the youngest of four children, and when I was the last one home, my Mom and I had a fantastic relationship. I don’t recall ever acting like this. Honestly if I had, I would not be here right now…

Do I love my daughter? Absolutely! My children are the most important things in my life, and I would do anything for any single one of them.

Do I love being a parent? Usually not. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I have been raising daughters for 26 years, and most of that was done on my own. It has never been easy. Of course there are the moments of great joy and pride, and lots of them. But then there are days like today when I look at my 13 year old and can only think…”Did you seriously just ask me why your friend can’t come over when you are too sick to go to school?”

Who does that? She has nerve, I’ll definitely give her that. The wonderful moments certainly outweigh the crappy days like today, and that is what makes this journey worth it. If they didn’t, what would it all be for?

And this too shall pass…. 🙂

If I May Interrupt Your Currently Scheduled Broadcast…

Published November 16, 2017 by Angela

…to discuss something that I have quickly realized is an epidemic in my community. I have been aware of it, heard some talk here-and-there about it, but when it begins to affect my personal life, I feel I must take action.

It is children being raised by their Grandparents. I do not see this as a bad thing, and am grateful for every single grandparent who has taken on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren, because their own children are unable or unwilling to.

It's hurting again drawing

My 13 year old daughter has two best friends, one who lives with her Granny, and another who lives with her Grandma and Grandpa. These girls are always at my house. I feed them, I take them to church, and one of them spends at least 4 nights out of 7 at my house. I am okay with that. I know the grandparents of this one girl, and they are also raising one of her brothers. They send food over, take the girls places, etc. It is a group effort, and I am glad to be a part of it.

So what happened yesterday was my 13 year old shows up with a boy from school. He doesn’t have his house key, and no one is home right now.

Okay, fair enough. I ask him where he lives, and he says he is going to walk home. No problem. I told him he will be leaving by 7:30.

Feeling under the weather all week, congested and with sinus headache, I fell asleep while sitting up in my bed reading a book. I wake up at 11:45 pm. I go in the living room, and there sits said boy, watching television.

“What are you still doing here?!?!?!” (my daughter is sound asleep).

“I don’t know.”

“Who exactly do you live with?”

“My Grandma.”

He gets his coat on, grabs his backpack, and starts heading out the door.

“What are you doing?!?!?!?”

“Walking home.”

“Uh, the hell you are, it’s freaking midnight.”

Sad Kid Image

azloraimt.deviantart.com 

Anyhow, to make a long story short; I know; too late: I drop him off at a home with 3 cars in the driveway, lights on, front door is locked, he walks around the back, not to be seen again. Now I don’t know if he got in the house, and this isn’t a great neighborhood. I am not about to knock on the front door, walk around the back, or continue to sit in my vehicle in the middle of the road.

I was so stressed and upset about the well-being of this boy when I got back home that I had to take a Xanax just to calm the hell down and try to get back to sleep. I barely slept, and woke up still worrying.

I cannot imagine what kind of life this 13 year old boy has that he can be gone from his home at midnight, and there is not one single person who cares enough about him to be looking for him, texting him, anything.

It absolutely breaks my heart. What the hell have we become as a society? There are parents who don’t care about their kids any longer, and can’t be bothered to take care of them. We are failing our children. The responsibility falls on the grandparents so very often, and they lack the resources, room, energy, and likely knowledge of this new digital social media world we are in now.

This one incident has pushed me in the direction of seeing what kind of resources are available in my community, and what I can do to help.

This Black Hole of Depression

Published November 13, 2017 by Angela

It has been a week since the time change, and it now gets dark before 5:30 pm. Already I am dealing with the effects of a lack of sun in my life.

Add on top of it, issues with kids, the upcoming holidays that I wish would just bypass me, and health issues, and I am a big ball of mess. I already know as soon as I get home from work, I am heading straight to bed. What’s even worse? I could not care less. I’m curling up under my blankets with my two nekkid kitties and binge watching documentaries.

Benny and Franklin 3

Benjamin (grey cat) & Franklin 

I hope I can shake this craptastic fucking thing that is overwhelming me right now, but until something lets loose for me, it is going to be a long, miserable Winter season. I try to spend as much time at all of my church activities because it definitely helps.

Do you have a sure-fire way to deal with this type of depression? If so, I would love to hear it!

fin

Day Two Sucked…

Published July 9, 2017 by Angela

…so let’s see how day three goes. (so far so good, as I managed to get out of bed!) Yesterday I never got out of bed, except to of course get food/water, use the facilities, and I did make brownies for my girls. Boxed brownies, and if I hadn’t wanted some myself, that probably would not have happened either.

I watched a few seasons of Cheers, played Townsmen (I LOVE that game!) on my nook, and did a whole lot of nothing else.

Today I managed to hit the gym by 7:30 am for a 1/2 hour on the elliptical, went and got some pictures of some flowers at the school nearby, showered, and ordered groceries! I would say today has been a success, especially compared to yesterday…

Truth be told, I would love to climb into bed right now and stay there, but I do have an appointment this afternoon, so I am going to upload and edit my pictures, and do some much-needed cleaning.

I hope yesterday was the worst day I am going to have as I continue getting healthy, because it really, really sucked.

And here’s hoping that your Sunday is relaxing, calm, and everything you wish it to be!

My Own Personal Independence Day

Published July 7, 2017 by Angela

Lately it seems like for every step forward, I am taking 4 steps backwards. I really wish that was an exaggeration, but sadly, it isn’t. I feel like everything is spinning out of control, and I am not sure when it started, and how to stop it. I always have great intentions, and feel fantastic that I am going to get my life on track. Then by day 3, I am totally off the rails again.

I really need to ask myself “What do I really want to do with myself, and my life”…and then just do it! Could it really be a fear of change that has me stuck in this place I can’t escape? Now I’m not talking anything crazy like leaving my job I’ve had for over 20 years (and yes, I really do love me job!) or uprooting myself and my kids and moving somewhere else. But I have more than enough time in a day (especially since I only get a couple hours sleep a night) to do many other things. Finish that book I started writing? Creating a new painting? Take a class somewhere? The options, and opportunities, are endless. If only I would take them.

I have finally reached the end of the road for homeschooling, Thank Goodness! I have been living 6 months in my new home, with 3 of my girls, 3 cats, a hamster, a rabbit, and some fish. Things are really going good in almost every aspect of my life…except for my self-image, and how I am taking care of myself not taking very good care of myself.

I really am my own worst enemy, and it needs to stop, and it is going to stop today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I will find the courage to discuss exactly how I let my life go off the rails, but for now I am completely convinced that this day, July 7, 2017, is going to be my personal Independence Day. Independence from the negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

PAOHS Quote 7-7-17

Today I Choose to Just Be Grateful!

Published March 16, 2017 by Angela

I did not sleep very well last night, and woke up with a very sore back. But my cat alerted me to the 4 deer in our front yard, and it was a wonderful site to see at such an early hour. I am grateful I was awake for it.

I have been grumbling for 5 days about a flooded basement in my new home. It is time to realize my good fortune, and be grateful that I had the ability as a single parent to buy this house for my family.

I wake up most mornings wishing I could sleep a little longer, and not have to go to work. But I will always be grateful for the wonderful job I have had for over 20 years, that has done so much for me, and provided for my family. Many are struggling to find full time employment that will support themselves and their families.

I’ve been spending months complaining about the 50 lbs of weight I have managed to gain over the last two years; yet I make no conscious effort to change that. I have a rowing machine being delivered tomorrow, and am grateful that I am able to exercise and get myself feeling better, and healthier.

I am grateful to have the choice to choose healthy food for myself and my family, when so many have little to no food at all. My cure all for everything that ails me? Honey with the comb, which fits great in these tiny Ball jars to take to work!

Honey in Comb

I am grateful for so many things every single day; but it is not often enough that I take inventory of those things.

What are you grateful for today?

So About Day Two of This Journey of Mine…

Published March 14, 2017 by Angela

…which was yesterday…. YIKES… good grief I have got to be stronger, more patient, slow down, open my ears, and close my mouth. I am not trying to feel discouraged that day 2 was a total bust, and that I should just go back to Day 1. Lesson(s) learned.

You Know You're Stressed 3-14-17

So my Day 3 is going better, and I am hoping for a quiet, uneventful night at home after I get out of work. This should be fairly simple to accomplish, as I intend on getting dinner on the way home from work, and doing absolutely nothing else besides reading or crosswords.

From my morning reading of “Hands Free Life”, by Rachel Macy Stafford:

“The next time you yearn to fill the spaces of your life and be all there, try using the visual image of physically removing the heavy clock from around your neck. Feel the weight being lifted off your chest as you give yourself permission to be in one place and one place only. Remind yourself these are the spaces where real living occurs and you have every right to devote time and attention to the most important spaces of life” (Stafford, 2015, pg. 42).

I know I have a very difficult time relaxing, especially when I see things around me that need to be done. I feel guilty when I am doing “nothing”, and I need to start seeing my down-time as when I can relax, recharge, and get myself balanced. It is okay to not get everything done at once.

I am sure I will be telling myself this every day for a very, very long time until I master this one task that seems so easy, yet is so very hard for me.

Day One of a New Journey

Published March 12, 2017 by Angela

I have been dealing with some personal issues of a magnitude that even those closest to me are not aware of. While it is not my intention to disclose these issues even now; it is my intention to finally fully own them, face them, and conquer them. 

My journey of raising daughters may be half over, but they will always be my daughters, no matter their stage in life. I also need to make sure I stop losing myself in the chaos and busyness of my life. I really do need to stop and smell the roses. Not occasionally when I make time; but to always make time to do just that. 

As I am in the back seat of my vehicle with 3 of my girls, going to spend the day with the fourth, I am reading a book that I think will truly help me on this journey. It is called “Hands Free Life” by Rachel Macy Stafford, and looks like the perfect book to start this new chapter of my life with; pun intended 😉