The Joys of Parenthood

Published April 19, 2018 by Angela

Yeah; not. I was laughing as I wrote that just now. It has been quite some time since I have found any joy in being a parent. I am both physically and mentally exhausted from the daily arguments with my 13 year old about going to school. She is literally questioning me about why she cannot have a friend over today, yet her stomach hurts too bad to go to school? I’m not kidding; she has enough nerve to ask me something as crazy as that. I think I made it very clear that it will be Monday before she goes to her friends, her friends come over, or she has her phone.

Some days I seriously wonder how I ever made it this far. I am down to the last of four daughters, and this one may very well break me. I expected things to be so much more different than this. I was also the youngest of four children, and when I was the last one home, my Mom and I had a fantastic relationship. I don’t recall ever acting like this. Honestly if I had, I would not be here right now…

Do I love my daughter? Absolutely! My children are the most important things in my life, and I would do anything for any single one of them.

Do I love being a parent? Usually not. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I have been raising daughters for 26 years, and most of that was done on my own. It has never been easy. Of course there are the moments of great joy and pride, and lots of them. But then there are days like today when I look at my 13 year old and can only think…”Did you seriously just ask me why your friend can’t come over when you are too sick to go to school?”

Who does that? She has nerve, I’ll definitely give her that. The wonderful moments certainly outweigh the crappy days like today, and that is what makes this journey worth it. If they didn’t, what would it all be for?

And this too shall pass…. 🙂

Advertisements

Get a Grip Michigan!

Published April 14, 2018 by Angela

It is April 14th, the middle of April, nearly a month beyond the start of Spring, and we are under a Winter Storm Warning. It is non-stop raining right now, with temperatures dropping below freezing later this afternoon, and then the freezing rain begins. They are predicting up to an inch of ice by tomorrow 😦 Which for myself means, as soon as it starts freezing, I am not leaving the house.

I am really hoping we do not lose power, but flashlights and batteries are good to go. I thought by now I would be cleaning up the leaves out of my yard and planting new flowers and shrubs.

After 11 weeks of being in my house with a broken ankle, I am well beyond ready for some sunshine, and warm, fresh air! In the meantime, I have a blanket I need to finish crocheting, a book to finish reading, and a paint-by-number that hasn’t had any attention in a couple weeks!

Some of my favorite flower photos! Has Spring sprung for you yet?

Stereotypes and Beauty Standards for Girls

Published April 12, 2018 by Angela

I cannot even believe I am typing this post, but I had an experience on social media yesterday that completely baffled, shocked, and angered me. A bit extreme of a reaction? Probably; but I’ll blame it on being in pain, lack of sleep, and a bigger lack of patience.

body image meme

What happened? I posted on FB about someone asking me what I had learned from my 11 weeks off from work, due to breaking my ankle, and all the time I spent trapped in my house. My response? I learned to ALWAYS shave my legs, even if I’ve been single for a year, and it is the middle of January in Michigan.

First, my 64 year old aunt said she could not believe ANY woman or girl would NOT shave their legs every, single, day, and that she has her whole life, and always will. A couple other friends piped in that they too shave their legs every single day. This pissed me off because 1) If I don’t want to shave my legs, I’m not shaving my legs, 2) I suddenly felt like the teen wolf who was some kind of freak because I don’t shave my legs daily, 3) I was being judged by people who will never in their entire lives see my bare legs, and it affected them in no way whatsoever, 4) as a mother to FOUR daughters, the fact that any single one of them may feel they have to shave their legs every day because society thinks so really, really ticked me off.

I was not implying that I had not shaved my legs for a whole damn year, I was just stating that when a handsome 40-something Surgeon comes into the ER to look at your broken ankle, no matter how much pain you are in, you will regret not shaving your legs that day. You know, like your Mother always telling you…”Make sure you have clean underwear on in case if you get in an accident!” 😊

I’ve got bigger things to worry about then the hair on my legs, and the fact that my peers were so strongly opiniated on this completely floored me. Okay; I’ll stop bitching now, and move on to bigger and more important things. As a side note, I let it go on FB and did not say exactly what I think, in order to keep the peace. I’m usually pretty good at throwing some shade and making it seem sweet as honey, but I just let this one go 😊 I could have swore it was 2018…..

Are there things like this that bother you? What do you feel has too much importance placed on it in society today that keeps the stereotypes going?

Anxiety and Panic :-(

Published February 10, 2018 by Angela

Philipians 4 6 8

Since last night I have been fighting panic attacks. Hopefully after a talk with a 24-hour nurse, who assured me I could take my medication for anxiety since I have not taken a pain pill in 13 hours for my broken ankle, I did exactly that, and I should be feeling some relief soon. I will deal with the pain and not take the pain meds again; I cannot deal with the panic. Fingers crossed that this is enough to help me cope and get back to feeling normal again. Well, as normal as possible being on bed rest, still, with a broken ankle.

What I’ve Been Up To While Stuck on Bedrest…

Published January 26, 2018 by Angela

…after four days in the hospital I have now been home for 6 days. It has been going smoothly for the most part, except for Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday I had a slight breakdown and couldn’t stop crying. I’ve no idea what brought it on, but I got calmed down. Only to fall a little while later, which brought on breakdown # 2. I didn’t hurt my ankle at all, thank goodness, but I did pull some abdominal muscles. I was scared that I did something internally but iced it and it calmed down. Then Thursday I had another meltdown, which took awhile to get under control. When I left the hospital I was told to not take my daily meds until I talked to my doctor. Which means I have been off my Prozac for 6 days now, and am sure that is contributing to me being an emotional mess. I have a call in to my doctor to make sure I can start taking them again, but am still waiting for a call back.

My abdomen has been hurting all last night and this morning, and I am praying it does not get any worse before I get to the surgeons on Monday. If there is one thing I am good at, it is stressing myself out😔 Such as I have been stressing since I came home last Saturday about how I am safely going to get down the ramp my brother built to get to my appointment Monday. I do have a couple people lined up to be here along with my friend who is taking me, to make sure I safely get in the car.

I have been alone during the day while my 13 year old is at school, so I try to sleep to avoid needing to get up to use the bathroom more than is absolutely necessary. She has a half day today, as well as Monday and Tuesday. After my appointment Monday I will have a better idea of how my ankle is healing and will get confirmation that my abdomen is okay.

Puzzle books and documentaries have been getting me through, as well as a lot of conversations with God. I am so not used to being helpless like this, and when I get anxious prayer certainly helps calm me down. I have had friends bringing food as well as other things I need, and it amazes me the wonderful circle of friends I have.

My 13 year old has been beyond wonderful, and it brings tears to my eyes watching her be so caring of me and my needs. She messages me from school to see how I am doing as well as making sure I take my pills on time.

It is definitely the times of trials and hardships that you learn what you are made of!

Surgery and my Reading Goals

Published January 19, 2018 by Angela

… well, hoping my oldest runs to the library for me while she is spending the weekend with me. I wonder if there is a limit on how many books can be checked out? I’ve been continuing the Nancy Drew series and I can literally read 4 or 5 of those a day if that is all I was reading. But I do have other things to read as well 😊

As far as I know my surgery went well. The surgeon didn’t come and see me at all yesterday after I got back to my room. I have been here all alone as well so I don’t even know how long the surgery took. They had to put a metal plate and screws in as I broke 3 different ankle bones. I definitely have a long and painful road ahead of me.

My oldest daughter will be picking me up today and spending the weekend with me, so I’m a happy girl about that.

Trying to not stress about the fact that I have no idea what I am going to do Monday when she is back home and my 13 year old has school all morning and afternoon.

Definitely looking forward to getting home, seeing my cats, and being in my own bed!