…after four days in the hospital I have now been home for 6 days. It has been going smoothly for the most part, except for Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday I had a slight breakdown and couldn’t stop crying. I’ve no idea what brought it on, but I got calmed down. Only to fall a little while later, which brought on breakdown # 2. I didn’t hurt my ankle at all, thank goodness, but I did pull some abdominal muscles. I was scared that I did something internally but iced it and it calmed down. Then Thursday I had another meltdown, which took awhile to get under control. When I left the hospital I was told to not take my daily meds until I talked to my doctor. Which means I have been off my Prozac for 6 days now, and am sure that is contributing to me being an emotional mess. I have a call in to my doctor to make sure I can start taking them again, but am still waiting for a call back.
My abdomen has been hurting all last night and this morning, and I am praying it does not get any worse before I get to the surgeons on Monday. If there is one thing I am good at, it is stressing myself out😔 Such as I have been stressing since I came home last Saturday about how I am safely going to get down the ramp my brother built to get to my appointment Monday. I do have a couple people lined up to be here along with my friend who is taking me, to make sure I safely get in the car.
I have been alone during the day while my 13 year old is at school, so I try to sleep to avoid needing to get up to use the bathroom more than is absolutely necessary. She has a half day today, as well as Monday and Tuesday. After my appointment Monday I will have a better idea of how my ankle is healing and will get confirmation that my abdomen is okay.
Puzzle books and documentaries have been getting me through, as well as a lot of conversations with God. I am so not used to being helpless like this, and when I get anxious prayer certainly helps calm me down. I have had friends bringing food as well as other things I need, and it amazes me the wonderful circle of friends I have.
My 13 year old has been beyond wonderful, and it brings tears to my eyes watching her be so caring of me and my needs. She messages me from school to see how I am doing as well as making sure I take my pills on time.
It is definitely the times of trials and hardships that you learn what you are made of!
I went to this church two different times this weekend just to be able to get inside and see the beauty of it. I was not disappointed! Friday I was too late for the self guided tours, so I took my girls there Saturday morning on the way to Zehnder’s Waterpark.
I have been a member of my Lutheran church here in West Michigan for over 30 years. My parents actually got married there over 54 years ago, but we stopped going for quite some time. I went through adult confirmation classes and was baptized at my church when I was 16.
To get to visit another Lutheran church where they were so welcoming and let me come in and take pictures made my whole trip worth it!
(and if I could have snuck up those stairs and had a chance to play that pipe organ, I just may have! When you take lessons for years and years, every instrument is a challenge!)
I am currently sitting at home, waiting for a plumber to show up and fix my flooded basement. Trying to keep it positive, but I had every intention of running some errands this afternoon, getting to church to help with the youth group, and going to the Lenten service.
It appears that none of this is going to happen……I have a sneaking suspicion of what it is going to cost to fix this mess; knowing what the issue is. At this point, I honestly do not care. I am tired of running into my basement every time someone turns on a faucet. I threw out so many books, pictures, clothes, and shoes that I cannot afford to do that one more time.
So for getting out of work early? Yay! The reason why? Boo.
Here is to tomorrow; but I will make the best of today, and unpack and clean as many things as I can!
…which was yesterday…. YIKES… good grief I have got to be stronger, more patient, slow down, open my ears, and close my mouth. I am not trying to feel discouraged that day 2 was a total bust, and that I should just go back to Day 1. Lesson(s) learned.
So my Day 3 is going better, and I am hoping for a quiet, uneventful night at home after I get out of work. This should be fairly simple to accomplish, as I intend on getting dinner on the way home from work, and doing absolutely nothing else besides reading or crosswords.
From my morning reading of “Hands Free Life”, by Rachel Macy Stafford:
“The next time you yearn to fill the spaces of your life and be all there, try using the visual image of physically removing the heavy clock from around your neck. Feel the weight being lifted off your chest as you give yourself permission to be in one place and one place only. Remind yourself these are the spaces where real living occurs and you have every right to devote time and attention to the most important spaces of life” (Stafford, 2015, pg. 42).
I know I have a very difficult time relaxing, especially when I see things around me that need to be done. I feel guilty when I am doing “nothing”, and I need to start seeing my down-time as when I can relax, recharge, and get myself balanced. It is okay to not get everything done at once.
I am sure I will be telling myself this every day for a very, very long time until I master this one task that seems so easy, yet is so very hard for me.
…I feel so unprepared for it to be here, already! I have been looking forward to this for months, and now I feel like I am not ready. Easter truly is my favorite time of year, and I have so many things I want to get accomplished. I also have so many things going on right now, I am already afraid I will not be able to enjoy this time of year as much as I had hoped, and planned.
I am already going to miss our Ash Wednesday service at church as my 17-year old has a band concert tonight. I can live with that, although I had hoped to go. I have not made any decisions on giving up / doing something for others for Lent.
I am trying to focus on definitely spending time in the Word, appreciating this season for what it is meant for, and bettering myself as not only a Mom, and a friend, but as a Godly Woman. Kind of a tall order for someone who is unprepared, right?
So tomorrow I am going to make sure to read the Scripture, and set aside time every day during the Easter season to do so. My Accounting class that started today will just have to make room for both of these things in my schedule 🙂
I am planning quite an extravagant Easter weekend and dinner, so that is definitely something I am looking forward to and get to plan.
Do you and your family have Easter traditions, new or old, that help you celebrate this great holiday season?