behavior issues

All posts in the behavior issues category

The Joys of Parenthood

Published April 19, 2018 by Angela

Yeah; not. I was laughing as I wrote that just now. It has been quite some time since I have found any joy in being a parent. I am both physically and mentally exhausted from the daily arguments with my 13 year old about going to school. She is literally questioning me about why she cannot have a friend over today, yet her stomach hurts too bad to go to school? I’m not kidding; she has enough nerve to ask me something as crazy as that. I think I made it very clear that it will be Monday before she goes to her friends, her friends come over, or she has her phone.

Some days I seriously wonder how I ever made it this far. I am down to the last of four daughters, and this one may very well break me. I expected things to be so much more different than this. I was also the youngest of four children, and when I was the last one home, my Mom and I had a fantastic relationship. I don’t recall ever acting like this. Honestly if I had, I would not be here right now…

Do I love my daughter? Absolutely! My children are the most important things in my life, and I would do anything for any single one of them.

Do I love being a parent? Usually not. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I have been raising daughters for 26 years, and most of that was done on my own. It has never been easy. Of course there are the moments of great joy and pride, and lots of them. But then there are days like today when I look at my 13 year old and can only think…”Did you seriously just ask me why your friend can’t come over when you are too sick to go to school?”

Who does that? She has nerve, I’ll definitely give her that. The wonderful moments certainly outweigh the crappy days like today, and that is what makes this journey worth it. If they didn’t, what would it all be for?

And this too shall pass…. 🙂

It’s Time To Lock Up The Video Game Controllers…

Published January 14, 2015 by Angela

…because apparently my 13 year old homeschooler saw no big issue with skipping her two small assignments, and studying for a test, in order to get on the PS3 and play video games with her dad (who is 4 hours away).

I asked him if he was aware that she did not do her homework and he said no he was not; he asked and she told him it was done already.

Yep, you should ALWAYS believe what the teenager tells you when you ask a question.

And this, my friends, is why I am grateful he only sees them once a year. Now I just have to do something about the daily contact, and obvious bad influence, he is having on them.

Technology is not always a blessing; sometimes it is a curse! 

Who Exactly Do You Think That Attitude Is Punishing?

Published December 4, 2014 by Angela

I surely hope you aren’t doing it for my benefit. You can have an attitude for as long as you like; it is certainly not going to encourage me to let you play a game on the laptop or my phone. Not when you cannot stay on task with your homeschooling assessments.

I am physically exhausted from working 9 hours a day, and then spending 5-6 hours every night helping her sort through her assignments. Especially when she does not want to focus, or pay attention, or even make an effort to pretend she is listening.

So once again, she will not have access to the laptop until I get home from work. She obviously can’t get her work done on the laptop while I am away at work, so I will just eliminate that distraction all together. If I have to spend 6 hours every night teaching algebra and science, I will make sure I have her full attention.

Nothing gets a 13 year old girl’s attention faster than taking away all of her abilities to contact any friends, play any games, or shop for clothes on Amazon.

All I know is 1) my parents would have dragged my ass to school and made sure I stayed there, and 2) if I ever tried to pull any of the crap that she tries to pull, I would not be here today to type this blog post!

So here’s to being the bad-mean-horrible-bitch-mom for at least 4 to 5 days, until she realizes she cannot break me 🙂 It sucks that I have to go through this, but unfortunately, this is exactly what it takes to get her to see I am not kidding, and then she gets back on task.

As November Comes To A Close…

Published November 30, 2014 by Angela

…I cannot help but question the means and manner I am likely to wish my December away as well; in a hurry for this Christmas season to just be done already, and a new year to begin. I am unsure what is different this year, compared to last year when I thoroughly enjoyed the entire Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I am sure there were days when I was not in the best of moods, but this complete blanket of the blues that I cannot get out from under is really wearing on me.

Some things I know that are not helping; the non-stop bickering of my children. Case in point; this is exactly what I have been listening to for the past hour: Erin and Cassidy are bickering over the most ridiculous crap that I would honestly just like to knock their noggins together and see if it brings some sense to them. Erin is yelling at Cassidy because she is playing Mario, and Erin does not want to listen to the music from the video game. She is also fighting with Cassidy because she is listening to music via headphones (that Erin cannot hear) and whenever Erin does 2 things at once, Cassidy yells at her.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What in the hokey hell is wrong with these two? Erin is pissed because Cassidy always gets her way, and is telling Cassidy she is an idiot. Cassidy is telling Erin she always gets her way, and to stop acting like a brat. I just let them both know if I hear one more word out of either of them, they will both go upstairs, to the bedroom they share, and they can stay in there for the entire day and fight it out amongst themselves.

So anyhow, back to me and this depression that has taken hold of me. There have been some life changes going on with me, and I am not quite sure how they could possibly be playing a role in me feeling as terrible as I do.

I got a new position at work that I signed a posting for. It took me off from third shift, and back to first shift. Definitely a bonus, but it involved a significant pay cut. I have also had several unexpected expenses come up, such as having my car go to the shop twice in two months. I also doubled my car payment and insurance prior to this pay cut, and have had to dig into my savings account much more than I ever wanted to. I have had other expenses happen as well, and to say I am stressing about Christmas gifts is truly an understatement. And no matter how many times I told my girls I took a pay cut, they do not seem to care one way or the other; it is non-stop “I want, I want, I want…”

My year + of sobriety hit the curb for a couple of weeks, but I am back on track. The 30+ lbs I initially lost when I quit drinking has slowly found its way back to me. I can admit that yes, I did get too thin, and needed to put about 10 lbs back on. Well, I indeed managed that. Along with another 20 lbs from stress eating that now has me not only depressed, but now feeling very unhealthy and uncomfortable.

I am tired. So very tired, all of the time. I am doing all of the housework, and yes, I have tried just leaving things until my girls can no longer stand it and they start helping. Other than their bedrooms and laundry, all of their other messes infringe on my living areas as well, and therefore my comfort levels. They will literally not empty the kitchen garbage, even if they throw something in there and it falls out on the floor because it is already overfilled. It does not bother them to live in a messy house. It absolutely drives me bonkers.

The only motivation I have as of late is to stay in my bedroom with my cat, my books, and Netflix to pass the time.

I certainly hope that the extra vitamins I bought yesterday, along with my Prozac and Xanax, bring about a quick change to my terrible sadness. I hate feeling like this, and really did not expect the long Michigan winter that began on Halloween to effect me so negatively this year, since it did not last year.

I am now more than ever relying on my faith,and making an effort to bury myself in reading the bible daily, and watching anything and everything that is inspirational and reminds me of how truly lucky and blessed I am, even if I am momentarily blue.

Please let it be momentarily!

…and my 16 year old just asked when I was going to cook dinner…….WTH. I am not eating it, I am dieting. The thought for her to cook it would never cross her mind, or any of the other girls’ for that matter.

I Guessed That Spot On – I Am Ready To Go Back To Work!

Published November 26, 2014 by Angela

Stressed Mom 1I will honestly say that I woke up this morning angry at the world. I am tired, and all of my girls were up before I even opened my bedroom door to come downstairs. Normally I am lucky enough to get an hour or two of alone time before they start making their way downstairs. Why they insist on fighting like cats-and-dogs is beyond me, but I have had enough of it; and no, it is not even noon 😦

Stressed Mom 2So, after I spend what is likely to be hours at our local Secretary of State office so my 16 year old can get her license, there is one of two things that is going to happen. Either they are all going to bed until their attitudes change, or I am going to bed until their attitudes change. Because yeah, if they change their attitudes, I might not feel like such a bitch today.

Just being honest; I really see no point of lying on a blog. What would be the point of the blog if I did? On the up side, the only thing I need to do in preparation for Thanksgiving dinner is cook some rolls 🙂

I promise tomorrow I will be thankful for the blessings in my life. Today is not a national holiday, so I am opting to use my freedom of expression and let the bitch in me be free!

As a note, I have never, am not currently, and will never be the Mom that can stay home with her children. I love them with every fiber in my being, but my girls and I all realized that there is such as thing as too much togetherness for us.

I Was Probably Happy Much Too Soon…

Published November 20, 2014 by Angela

…about having one more day of work, and then 9 days off. Because as I sit here, I have 3 girls bickering over the most ridiculous BS possible. Cassidy wants to sit on the love seat, but Erin doesn’t want her sitting by her. So Erin asked Kendall to sit on the end of the couch where she is laying down, and she said No.

“Kendall, why can’t she sit at the end of the couch where there is room?”

“I wasn’t listening to her.”

“So you just answered No, when you have no idea what she asked?”

“Yep.”

So now I am thinking maybe having extended days at home is not going to be a good thing. Luckily Kendall and Cassidy have 2 1/2 days of school next week, ending Wednesday afternoon. That gives me a couple days of quiet to get ahead on my reading and house organizing. At least until they get home from school.

I will be the first to admit, I could never, and would never, be able to stay at home full-time with my children. So if you are anti-Moms-working-you-need-to-stay-home-and-take-care-of-the-kids-you-had, save your breath. Just because I had them, does not mean it is the best interest of any of us to have too much together time 🙂 Me going to work for 9 hours and coming home gives me something to look forward to; dinner with my girls, and getting caught up on how everyone’s day was. I tried to be the working mom with the stay-at-home husband/dad; it wasn’t my fault he was an epic failure at that! It is honestly easier to do everything on my own, then to ever have to deal with him on a daily basis 🙂

Yes, Because I Am The Mom Really Is The Answer, and I Have Every Right To Say It…

Published November 13, 2014 by Angela

…if it stops a disagreement with a 16 year old teenage girl.

Pouting teenager

When my 16 year old daughter tells me that she has to be somewhere on Monday for tryouts to join yet another activity, I feel I have every right to ask why she is telling me, instead of asking me.

Her answer? “I have talked about this all summer long. You know I have.” ummmm, no I do not. I would remember one of my children wanting to do yet another activity that uses my money, gas and mileage on the car, and time dropping off and picking up.

Her reply again? “It is just one activity, and you have no problem with me taking care of your kids, so why can’t I do this one thing?”

WHOA. Back this train wreck up that you are about to have. I worked 3rd shift. So yes, she “took care of” her sisters while I was working. And they were all sleeping. Sorry for the difficulty.

And she keeps shoving her foot further into her mouth…”Why if I have the money to do this can you still tell me no?”

“BECAUSE I AM THE MOM.” Not to mention you do NOT have any money, you have no vehicle, and you have no job.

So Yes, that is why I get to say “Because I am your Mother and I said so” and you don’t get to do anything about it but mope around the house.

I am really getting beyond tired of the attitudes in this house full of girls, while I try to keep a positive attitude for my own well-being. I really wish my city would start putting Midol in the water supply…

Always Receiving, Never Giving…

Published November 10, 2014 by Angela

…has me very baffled at where my children have gotten their sense of entitlement from.

They always want something, but do not understand the concept of working for anything. I am really, honestly trying to determine if I have somehow created this problem myself (I feel I have, to a point) and how to fix it.

For the past week, I have been bombarded with “I need”, “I want”, and “Can you do this for me…”. I have not once heard “Let me help”, “Can I help?”, or “What can I do?”. I have been angry at the world and everyone around me because of this. It has not been a good week to be in my head, with the slightest thing setting me off to an entire day of not-in-a-good-mood-leave-me-alone-and-stop-talking-to-me attitude. Yes, my attitude has been that big.

My girls have watched me struggle to make ends meet, work 70 hour weeks to pay the bills, run on no sleep because they have so many things going on, and no personal time for myself. I find it beyond upsetting that they are completely okay with this.

We had a great experience at our church this Saturday when we packaged over 10,000 meals for a local food shelter, emergency reserves, and a 3rd world country where food is scarce. Being told that in the first hour we were there 600 children aged 5 and under had died from hunger was like a punch in the stomach for me. Hunger upsets me and breaks my heart more than any other plight I can think of. Worse than those sad-abused animal commercials, and I love animals! I always buy extra groceries during the holiday season to donate, and every week I buy extra health care products to donate a couple times a year to a local woman’s shelter.

So how can anyone who has been raised by me, live in the same home as me, and know what my values are, just ask for things they do not need, deserve, and certainly haven’t earned?

I have a feeling I am going to have 3 young ladies in my house that are going to get a reality check like no other reality check, and our Christmas is going to be a little bit different this year. Instead of me shopping for them, I think it is time we go shopping together and use some of the money that would have been spent on them on others who have a true need.

This coming Friday, November 14th, I am taking them to see Kirk Cameron’s “Saving Christmas“, and I hope this is the wake-up call that they so desperately need right now. If you have not heard about his latest project, be sure to check it out here: http://www.savingchristmas.com/

The Things Your Own Kids Say – Part 1

Published October 30, 2014 by Angela

Now this is funny. No, I did not laugh about it at the time, but it was so ridiculous I wondered how many times I pulled this crap on my own parents.

So my 10-year-old daughter joined basketball. Last Saturday was her first game, and we had to go buy shorts. So I told her I would get her 2 pairs of shorts. From K-Mart, or Wal-Mart. Well of course, you cannot find sports shorts in October. And this is not my fault; she waited until the last possible minute to even join and stay in basketball. (See my previous posts).

So, K-Mart at 9 am on a Saturday is not pleasant, so on the way to Wal-Mart, I stopped to MC Sports. No problem. $22.00 for one pair of shorts. So she got one pair of shorts (I thought we all might like to eat for the week).

So, after the game Saturday, which they won, she did not bother to take off her uniform. And she fell asleep on the couch for the night with it on. And we dropped off her sister to church the next morning for classes, and she was still wearing it (we were not going out in public, and by age 10, I am done telling my girls to not go out of the house looking a mess). So, at some point Sunday when I finally forced her to take a bath and change her clothes, she tossed those $22.00 shorts somewhere.

Fast-Forward to Monday night, and she is looking for her shorts.

What did she say to me after she was throwing a literal tantrum and I would not let her stress me out?

“Mom, you said you were going to buy me two pairs of shorts.”

What did I say?

“Excuse me? Whether or not I bought you two pairs of shorts does not excuse the fact that you lost the pair you had. Do not blame me because you cannot pick up after yourself!”

2 more hours, and she found them.

In her bedroom.

Under her bed.

How Would You Like Me To Reward Your Bad Behavior?

Published October 26, 2014 by Angela

A $75.00 gift card to Amazon?

What?

I was almost speechless, but only for about 2 seconds. My dear 13 year old had an attitude yesterday morning when I told her she needed to get ready to go to her younger sister’s first basketball game. She did not want to go. I explained to her that she needed to go to support her sister, and that her sister would be very upset and hurt to look up in the stands and see everyone there but her. Well, her Dad also, but I think she has pretty much written him off anyhow.

Basketball in hoop

So she was intentionally doing everything in her power to make us late, thinking I would finally give in and just let her stay home. I also was not leaving the house without her, no matter how late we ended up getting to the game.

I think she realized this, as she was at least getting dressed, however slowly. She finally made it to the front door and said “I need to brush my hair.”

“No, you don’t. It looks fine.” More angry-face-crappy-attitude-stomping-of-feet all the way to the car. Did I mention she is 13 years old?

So now I am slowly drinking my coffee, waiting for the 8am mark so I can go get her up to go to her confirmation classes, which she has missed for the last two weeks. I told her yesterday if she did not get up and go to her confirmation classes, and I did not care if she was throwing up all over herself (yeah, I said that. This girl plays the “sick” card like it is her profession), she would not have the laptop left in the mornings to do her homeschooling, and she would spend every evening at the kitchen table with me doing her homework while I do mine.

So here’s to a beautiful Sunday, full of sunshine and Blessings!

Still holding on through the cold weather!

Still holding on through the cold weather!