raising teenage girls

All posts tagged raising teenage girls

The Joys of Parenthood

Published April 19, 2018 by Angela

Yeah; not. I was laughing as I wrote that just now. It has been quite some time since I have found any joy in being a parent. I am both physically and mentally exhausted from the daily arguments with my 13 year old about going to school. She is literally questioning me about why she cannot have a friend over today, yet her stomach hurts too bad to go to school? I’m not kidding; she has enough nerve to ask me something as crazy as that. I think I made it very clear that it will be Monday before she goes to her friends, her friends come over, or she has her phone.

Some days I seriously wonder how I ever made it this far. I am down to the last of four daughters, and this one may very well break me. I expected things to be so much more different than this. I was also the youngest of four children, and when I was the last one home, my Mom and I had a fantastic relationship. I don’t recall ever acting like this. Honestly if I had, I would not be here right now…

Do I love my daughter? Absolutely! My children are the most important things in my life, and I would do anything for any single one of them.

Do I love being a parent? Usually not. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I have been raising daughters for 26 years, and most of that was done on my own. It has never been easy. Of course there are the moments of great joy and pride, and lots of them. But then there are days like today when I look at my 13 year old and can only think…”Did you seriously just ask me why your friend can’t come over when you are too sick to go to school?”

Who does that? She has nerve, I’ll definitely give her that. The wonderful moments certainly outweigh the crappy days like today, and that is what makes this journey worth it. If they didn’t, what would it all be for?

And this too shall pass…. 🙂

If I May Interrupt Your Currently Scheduled Broadcast…

Published November 16, 2017 by Angela

…to discuss something that I have quickly realized is an epidemic in my community. I have been aware of it, heard some talk here-and-there about it, but when it begins to affect my personal life, I feel I must take action.

It is children being raised by their Grandparents. I do not see this as a bad thing, and am grateful for every single grandparent who has taken on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren, because their own children are unable or unwilling to.

It's hurting again drawing

My 13 year old daughter has two best friends, one who lives with her Granny, and another who lives with her Grandma and Grandpa. These girls are always at my house. I feed them, I take them to church, and one of them spends at least 4 nights out of 7 at my house. I am okay with that. I know the grandparents of this one girl, and they are also raising one of her brothers. They send food over, take the girls places, etc. It is a group effort, and I am glad to be a part of it.

So what happened yesterday was my 13 year old shows up with a boy from school. He doesn’t have his house key, and no one is home right now.

Okay, fair enough. I ask him where he lives, and he says he is going to walk home. No problem. I told him he will be leaving by 7:30.

Feeling under the weather all week, congested and with sinus headache, I fell asleep while sitting up in my bed reading a book. I wake up at 11:45 pm. I go in the living room, and there sits said boy, watching television.

“What are you still doing here?!?!?!” (my daughter is sound asleep).

“I don’t know.”

“Who exactly do you live with?”

“My Grandma.”

He gets his coat on, grabs his backpack, and starts heading out the door.

“What are you doing?!?!?!?”

“Walking home.”

“Uh, the hell you are, it’s freaking midnight.”

Sad Kid Image

azloraimt.deviantart.com 

Anyhow, to make a long story short; I know; too late: I drop him off at a home with 3 cars in the driveway, lights on, front door is locked, he walks around the back, not to be seen again. Now I don’t know if he got in the house, and this isn’t a great neighborhood. I am not about to knock on the front door, walk around the back, or continue to sit in my vehicle in the middle of the road.

I was so stressed and upset about the well-being of this boy when I got back home that I had to take a Xanax just to calm the hell down and try to get back to sleep. I barely slept, and woke up still worrying.

I cannot imagine what kind of life this 13 year old boy has that he can be gone from his home at midnight, and there is not one single person who cares enough about him to be looking for him, texting him, anything.

It absolutely breaks my heart. What the hell have we become as a society? There are parents who don’t care about their kids any longer, and can’t be bothered to take care of them. We are failing our children. The responsibility falls on the grandparents so very often, and they lack the resources, room, energy, and likely knowledge of this new digital social media world we are in now.

This one incident has pushed me in the direction of seeing what kind of resources are available in my community, and what I can do to help.

Success! 2 Down; 2 To Go!

Published May 26, 2016 by Angela

Graduation went fantastic! Kendall has already moved out, a couple of weeks ago, and our relationship has definitely improved.

And as much as I complain about my kids; I am truly Blessed to have been given the responsibility to raise these little girls into beautiful, smart young women!

Is it easy? NEVER.

I honestly look back on some of the things I have went through, and do not know how I made it.

Would I trade it for anything? ehhhh; we will just let that one go for right now.

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I’ve done good; willingly or not…I have been raising some pretty amazing women!

How To Stress Out Your Mom…

Published May 19, 2016 by Angela

Stressed Mom 3

  1. Get a letter in the mail the high school sends in March, letting her know you are in danger of graduating.
  2. Do not let her see that letter, or mention anything about the above situation.
  3. Make her pay $250.00 for your cap, gown, and invitations.
  4. Make her spend $40.00 on stamps, and $80.00 on photos for the invitations.
  5. Make her find addresses and fill all of them out, and get them in the mail.
  6. Continue to NOT tell her there is a chance you are not graduating at all.
  7. Tell her on Monday, at 2 pm, that she has until 3 pm, that day, to pay $161.00 for your band camp bill, or you do not get to receive your diploma.
  8. Again; continue to NOT tell her there is a chance you are not graduating at all.
  9. Let your school counselor call her at work to tell her to get ahold of you and tell you to get to the school, or you are not graduating.
  10. WHAT???
  11. Tell your Mom you are doing your best, but you just do not think you can get it done in time.
  12. Again; do not mention the letter sent to her in March that you opened and disposed of.
  13. Let your Mom call the school counselor 2 hours later, and have the counselor tell Mommy that they sent a letter in March.
  14. Let your Mom find out that you have one more assignment to do, that has to be turned in that day, but you have to work that night.

Stressed Mom 4

I wish I could truly express the amount, and severity, of emotions I was going through for a couple days. But honestly, I would not wish that on my worst enemy. And I have a few.

She passed her class, and she will be graduating with the rest of her class.

And I will be so happy to have the graduation done, the open house finished, and I can go on my merry way, worrying about the 2 girls I still have at home….

UGH

 

It’s Getting Close!

Published May 10, 2016 by Angela

Am I too excited? Probably. Feeling stressed about getting the open house invites out, getting the decorations and centerpieces, and still homeschooling a 9th grader.

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But my soon-to-be graduate is working again, and she is as ready to fly the coop as I am to see her go.

Keep in mind; I have 2 teenagers here sharing a room that are eying the real estate!

Cat Life

The Cats don’t care. Just give them peace-and-quiet!

 

The one thing I know about her more than anything, and the reason we butt heads so much..is I was exactly like her growing up.

Hoping for the best, planning for the worst, and living it all day-by-day.

 

I Think She Is Doing It On Purpose…

Published April 29, 2016 by Angela

…being as irritating as possible, in the hopes that I will tell her to move out before she graduates. Before she gets a job. Before she can financially support herself.

I really do not think she understands that once this happens, she will truly be cut off from any financial assistance from me.

PAOHS 4-28-2016

The only thing that I am still obligated to pay for (kind of), is the car insurance that automatically comes out of my paycheck every week. Which is why two weeks ago I took her to our Secretary of State and signed the car title over to her. Which means I am NOT obligated to have insurance on the car I gave her. But she sure is. That also means I can cancel the insurance tomorrow if I choose to do so.

She has her Senior prom tomorrow. She graduates in 4 weeks. I keep telling her to focus on school; not on how fast she can be a grown-ass adult and living on her own.

So the drama continues. I honestly hope that she is still living in this house when she graduates. Because if she isn’t, I am probably not likely to host her open house the weekend after.

Yes; I am a bad Mom.

I do not care.

PAOHS 2 4-28-2016

I swear to goodness if one more of my children asks me for one tiny thing, my head is going to explode.

I hate seeing I have a message or missed call on my phone. Because I start wondering what one of my kids is asking me for. And 99% of the time, that is exactly what it is.

Yes, I gave birth to them.

No, they did not ask to be born. And when one of them had the nerve to say that to me? My reply was, “It is a good thing you did not ask to be born; because the answer would have been no!”

This sense of entitlement is literally driving me mad, and I am partially responsible for it. Being a single parent with 4 daughters, it was, and still is, hard to fight a specific battle with each specific child every day. Sometimes I gave in. And now I am paying for it.

 

How Bad Should You Make Your Child’s Reality?

Published April 26, 2016 by Angela

I should clarify.

I am talking about my 18 year old daughter who will graduate high school in a month, wants to take a year off before she goes to college, got fired from her job, and is going to move in with her boyfriend of 6 months.

Stressed Mom 1

Now you get the picture.

I have a running bill of over $500.00 that she owes me for her cell phone and monthly cell phone bills. And I made it crystal clear that she is not moving anywhere until she has a full time job, because once she goes, I will not help her.

I will NOT help her. Bad Mom? Whatever. I still have a 14 and 11 year old daughter here that I am raising alone, so if she wants to be a grown up, she can be a grown up.

The way I see it, is if you are not going to college, you have 16 hours a day available to work in order to financially support yourself.

Stressed Mom 2

Ramen noodles? You better get a taste for them. Planet Fitness? Yeah; I ain’t paying that.

It is so tough watching them spread their wings to fly when you can see the crash and burn coming right around the corner.

Parenthood is way over-rated. I was never meant to be a Mom, and should have never been a Mom. But that is a whole different post I will share with you soon enough.

How do you tough-love your kids when they refuse to listen to logic and reason?

So Is It Considered Snooping…

Published March 31, 2016 by Angela

…when you have 2 different daughters who leave their Facebook accounts open; one on IE, and one on Google Chrome? Literally, the computer was completely shut off, and I turn it on, and go to get into my FB account, and voila, they each have their accounts open on a different platform.

Oh; yeah, the answer is “NO”, it is not snooping. I have 2 daughters, one is now 18 and an “adult”, who I am literally counting the days until her graduation, her open house, and packing her up and moving her to Colorado.

Call me a bad Mom, I honestly do not care. My 14 year old has been trouble since she learned what the word was. She is smart, beautiful, and abandoned by her father when she was 4, so any man, and yes I mean Man, that gives her attention; she is all over it.

Kids on Computers

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So I am going to sit here and make sure my girls are safe. Because no one else will. And, unfortunately, no one else cares.

How Much Is Too Much?

Published March 1, 2016 by Angela

…and when you do it to yourself, should you really be complaining about it?

Yes, I did it to myself, and I am still going to complain about it.

Sorry; it is what I do…

So to avoid doing my homework for my college class. I did this:

 

And then I came home and did my homework.

And checked my 9th graders homeschooling homework.

And set her assignments for tomorrow.

And cooked dinner. And moved some laundry. And checked my blogs. And maybe cried a little…

I could get rid of my college classes, but I want to go further with my company.

I could force my 14 year old to go to public school, but it didn’t work before.

I could give up teaching the youth group at church on Wednesdays, but they depend on me. And I depend on them. To make me laugh, and learn with them.

So what do you give up when it seems like it is too much?

The More Things Change…

Published April 22, 2015 by Angela

…the more they really do stay the same. Such as parenting. In my case; single parenting. I have been a single parent longer than I haven’t, so it really is the only way of life I know.

As each child grows up and sets new goals, and reaches new milestones, it seems there is another coming right behind them and I get the re-runs of what the first (or second, or third!) one did, with the next one doing the same exact things, only with their own style and flair.

My fourth daughter will never, EVER be able to get anything past me. Not only have her 3 older sisters done and said it all, I remember I basically did the same things myself to my parents when I was growing up.

They do grow up, and move out, and get jobs, but they are still every bit as important to me, and I do not worry one bit less about them as they go from being my little girl to being an adult.

I would be lying if I said I was not anxious to have my kids grown and out of the house. And I try not to lie. Does that make me a bad mom? I know some who think that it does. But when your entire life revolves around your children; their wants, their needs, their achievements, and their failures, you do start to forget what it was you were supposed to be doing with your life. When you do it as a single parent (a single parent who has children that do not visit their father for more than 5 days over Christmas each year), you do sometimes feel like you are drowning in what everyone else wants and needs.

What were the goals I had when I was their ages? I honestly do not remember anymore.

When was the last day that I did not have to take someone somewhere, pick someone up, or have extra kids in my house? It has been so long, I don’t remember that either.

I know I need to take time for myself, and it is not like I don’t try to do just that. But by the time I get done taking care of the responsibilities I have as a parent, there is no time left for me.

Do I love my girls? More than anything! Do I regret having children? Not for a second. But that does not make me a bad person or mother because I am anxiously awaiting my empty nest 🙂

I also get told all the time that I will look back on this time and regret wishing my girls would grow up. Honestly, they are spaced 13 years apart from oldest to youngest, so mathematically, by the time the youngest one is out of the house, I will be well beyond ready for my empty nest.

My oldest is graduating from college in 3 days; I love her, and she was honestly the best behaved out of my four girls, but that certainly does not mean I wish she was 6 years old again. Or 12, or 15.

Thanks, but no thanks. That’s what memories are for; and I will have a heart full to think about, in my empty nest, all peaceful and quiet.