Absent Father

All posts in the Absent Father category

A Little Explanation of my Blog!

Published November 5, 2017 by Angela

I had to laugh when a co-worker who follows my book blog asked why I have a blog titled “Parenthood and Other Horror Stories”.

Really?

I think it speaks for itself 🙂

I think it is about time I focus this blog on my single-mom-of-four-daughters-works-full+ time-helps-everyone-else thing I got going on.

One daughter is out of the nest, and another about to be gone this week. But I have extra kids here due to their personal situations, and am trying to take care of everyone. I know I am not the only one who lives this type of life; but starting tomorrow, I am going to start letting you know what a typical day for me is.

Buckle your seat belts folks, it is gonna be a bumpy ride!

HOLD ON!!!!

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So Is It Considered Snooping…

Published March 31, 2016 by Angela

…when you have 2 different daughters who leave their Facebook accounts open; one on IE, and one on Google Chrome? Literally, the computer was completely shut off, and I turn it on, and go to get into my FB account, and voila, they each have their accounts open on a different platform.

Oh; yeah, the answer is “NO”, it is not snooping. I have 2 daughters, one is now 18 and an “adult”, who I am literally counting the days until her graduation, her open house, and packing her up and moving her to Colorado.

Call me a bad Mom, I honestly do not care. My 14 year old has been trouble since she learned what the word was. She is smart, beautiful, and abandoned by her father when she was 4, so any man, and yes I mean Man, that gives her attention; she is all over it.

Kids on Computers

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So I am going to sit here and make sure my girls are safe. Because no one else will. And, unfortunately, no one else cares.

You Really Can’t Fix Stupid…

Published March 24, 2016 by Angela

…I mean; I keep trying, but Stupid just does not get it. So I am done wasting my energy, and it is time to let the courts decide how stupid Stupid really is.

Men are stupid 1

Is this a man-bashing? Absolutely not. Both of my brothers got custody of their daughters when they got divorced. But the writing is on the wall, and Stupid decides to not see it.

My 18 year old stopped spending weekends with him over a year ago, because of his girlfriend. He is 38, she was 19.

About 2 months ago, my 14 year old refused to go with him as well, because of said girlfriend. And he told me, “I will never put anyone before my girls”. But he did.

And now this “man” who cannot support his children emotionally (I don’t need his financial support, and he doesn’t pay it, so don’t even start!), is having another child with this girl who my children cannot tolerate.

Does he have a right to his decisions? Absolutely. Do you agree with him putting his needs before his 3 daughters? hmmm

I am praying that my youngest will just stop wanting to go. I will never put the idea in her head, or encourage it, but I am praying for it.

It is a toxic environment where I had to find out from my oldest daughter that this young girlfriend was finding random people to come home and have sex with both of them.

Yes, the lawyer has already been contacted, as well as my local “friend-of-the-court”, but boy aren’t they slow?

Men are stupid 2

So yeah, don’t listen to me, don’t assume I have OUR children’s best interest in mind…but I will make you sit in front of a judge and explain yourself. Because I have the best lawyer in my town on retainer, and since you owe me $10,000.00 + in back child support, I am just gonna assume you don’t have any.

Please Do Not Make Me Pick Up the Pieces, Again!

Published September 5, 2015 by Angela

After a whirlwind summer of the father of 3 of my girls moving back to town, and ending his I-will-see-you-once-a-year-for-Christmas, for 7 years, it looks like he is leaving again. He has had my youngest two every weekend for 2 months. I had to yell at him about disowning our 17-year-old because she could not spend weekends with him. She works, she is the Drum Major of the marching band, and is on the Varsity Volleyball team. It is her Senior year, and she has time for no one.

He had an interview to get hired in where he was working as a temp. While he was there, his girlfriend left him a note and bolted.

Okay, I am sorry, but at some point I would expect his family to stop hating me. Two ex-wives and a girlfriend leave him. It may be time for you to realize that he is indeed the problem.

So I have an 11 year old who is going to lose her mind, and be heartbroken if he is not here next weekend to get her. And I do not think he will be.

And I am about 98% positive that after I pick up the pieces this time, she will be done with him. Just like the other girls. So once again, I get to nurture broken girls, who have no father, and how much longer do I have to do this, really?

Why You Suck As A Father Part II

Published August 14, 2015 by Angela

Yes, I am going to be that Mom-Ex for a minute.

Okay, for a few weeks, more than likely. In case if you missed my first rant of why the dad-who-disappeared is stressing me out, you can read that here: Why an Absentee Father Should Disappear Again

So, you may have read it, or you didn’t. But I will fill you in on some backstory.

I got divorced nearly 9 years ago. For the past 7 years, the ex has picked up our girls for one week a year; at Christmas. He doesn’t pay child support. He doesn’t call them on their birthdays. He does not try to contact them except to let me know he is getting them over Christmas break.

So suddenly, he moves back into town.

And when I say back into town, I mean he is living at a local campground in a tent.

So although my 10 and 14 year old are more than able to go spend weekends with him, my 17-year-old senior in high school is not. Why not? Because she is the Drum Major for the marching band. She is on the Varsity Volleyball team. She has a job. And she is working on scholarship applications already because she knows I am very limited on how I can pay her tuition.

So what does he do? He ignores her.

When I get home from working 10 hours today to have my 14 year old say to me “Dad is picking us up tomorrow before he goes to work. For a surprise. But we don’t know what is going on. He will drop us back off before he goes to work.”

ME: “Is 17-year-old part of this surprise?”

14-year-old: “I don’t think so.”

Who does this? What kind of “father” punishes his daughter for trying to be the best person she can be? If you have not read that post I linked to above yet, you should probably read it now.

I am so beyond upset and stressed because he is back disrupting our lives, but I do know it will not be for long. I told him a long time ago……”When your kids get older, they will not have time for you…just like you do not have time for them now.”

Top 10 Reasons an Absentee-Father Should Go Absent Again…

Published August 13, 2015 by Angela

10) He believes it is okay to disrupt your children’s very busy, very scheduled daily lives.

9) He does not feel the need to apologize to your children for only seeing them once a week each year, for the past several years.

8) He gets mad at one of them because they do not have time to come stay with him for a night or two.

7) He cannot stop telling you what a great idea it would be for one of your children to live with him full-time…when he finds a place to live; that is…he is currently living at a local campground, in a tent.

6) He truly believes he knows how to be a parent, even though he obviously has had no experience at it. You know; because he disappeared and all.

5) He comes to places where you are hanging out with your 3 children, but he will not talk to or even acknowledge the one who does not have time to stay in his tent at the campground. But acts like father-of-the-year with the other two.

4) He will not answer your phone calls or text messages when you ask when he will be bringing your children back home.

3) He refuses to pay child support or buy them things that they need; but is perfectly okay with letting you know what those things are so you can buy them.

2) He does not accept the children for who they are, and their individualism. He believes they are “broke” and need to be fixed.

1) He cannot, and will not, ever see the fact that it is he who is broken, and needs to be fixed.

Boy He’s Starting Early This Christmas Season…

Published December 2, 2014 by Angela

…with the phone calls, and questioning when he can get his girls for Christmas. My girls have been rotating the phone for the past 2 hours, taking turns talking to their dad. While I am struggling to get my 13 year old to sit down and focus on the homework she did not do during the day. Because she slept. So as I manage to get her to stay in front of the laptop for more than 2 seconds, this is what I hear…

Erin: “So, dad is going to talk to you, but he wants to know if he can pick us up on Christmas Eve?”

Me: “And when exactly would you like me to celebrate Christmas with you, since he is keeping you for the entire Christmas break?”

Erin: “I don’t know.”

Me: “He can get you early Christmas morning.”

Erin: “………..” (pouty-face-attitude-coming-for-me-within-the-next-day-or-so).

I do not know how many times he needs to be told to ASK ME before he tells the girls something is going to happen. Yes; I am being a bitch. Would you like to know why I am being a bitch?

Probably not. But I am going to tell you anyway.

1) He does not pay child support

2) He does not regularly visit his girls, unless if you consider once a year regular; if so, he is spot on!

3) He has not bought them (or even made them) one single Christmas gift in the past 5 years

4) He does not call them on their birthdays

5) He does not call them until it gets to be nearly Christmas

Now, I completely realize that the presents have NOTHING to do with the true meaning of Christmas. But when they come home from spending the holidays with him and tell me about all the video games and new things he has bought for himself, and they got nothing; yeah, I get pissed. When I had to drive last year for 4 hours in a blizzard with weather warnings to not be on the road because he suddenly had no way to get them home; yeah, I got pissed. So, he can do one of a few things. He can get them when I say he can. He can call his lawyer. Then we can go in front of the judge and he can explain his lack of father-participation in the upbringing of his girls. Or he can show up on Christmas Eve with the misunderstanding that he is taking his girls that early, and then hang out somewhere until Christmas morning.

I need my girls to enjoy their Christmas. In order for them to do this, I need to deal with these issues with their dad without getting them involved. I wish he would be as considerate of their feelings as well.