absent father

All posts tagged absent father

If I May Interrupt Your Currently Scheduled Broadcast…

Published November 16, 2017 by Angela

…to discuss something that I have quickly realized is an epidemic in my community. I have been aware of it, heard some talk here-and-there about it, but when it begins to affect my personal life, I feel I must take action.

It is children being raised by their Grandparents. I do not see this as a bad thing, and am grateful for every single grandparent who has taken on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren, because their own children are unable or unwilling to.

It's hurting again drawing

My 13 year old daughter has two best friends, one who lives with her Granny, and another who lives with her Grandma and Grandpa. These girls are always at my house. I feed them, I take them to church, and one of them spends at least 4 nights out of 7 at my house. I am okay with that. I know the grandparents of this one girl, and they are also raising one of her brothers. They send food over, take the girls places, etc. It is a group effort, and I am glad to be a part of it.

So what happened yesterday was my 13 year old shows up with a boy from school. He doesn’t have his house key, and no one is home right now.

Okay, fair enough. I ask him where he lives, and he says he is going to walk home. No problem. I told him he will be leaving by 7:30.

Feeling under the weather all week, congested and with sinus headache, I fell asleep while sitting up in my bed reading a book. I wake up at 11:45 pm. I go in the living room, and there sits said boy, watching television.

“What are you still doing here?!?!?!” (my daughter is sound asleep).

“I don’t know.”

“Who exactly do you live with?”

“My Grandma.”

He gets his coat on, grabs his backpack, and starts heading out the door.

“What are you doing?!?!?!?”

“Walking home.”

“Uh, the hell you are, it’s freaking midnight.”

Sad Kid Image

azloraimt.deviantart.com 

Anyhow, to make a long story short; I know; too late: I drop him off at a home with 3 cars in the driveway, lights on, front door is locked, he walks around the back, not to be seen again. Now I don’t know if he got in the house, and this isn’t a great neighborhood. I am not about to knock on the front door, walk around the back, or continue to sit in my vehicle in the middle of the road.

I was so stressed and upset about the well-being of this boy when I got back home that I had to take a Xanax just to calm the hell down and try to get back to sleep. I barely slept, and woke up still worrying.

I cannot imagine what kind of life this 13 year old boy has that he can be gone from his home at midnight, and there is not one single person who cares enough about him to be looking for him, texting him, anything.

It absolutely breaks my heart. What the hell have we become as a society? There are parents who don’t care about their kids any longer, and can’t be bothered to take care of them. We are failing our children. The responsibility falls on the grandparents so very often, and they lack the resources, room, energy, and likely knowledge of this new digital social media world we are in now.

This one incident has pushed me in the direction of seeing what kind of resources are available in my community, and what I can do to help.

I Think She Is Doing It On Purpose…

Published April 29, 2016 by Angela

…being as irritating as possible, in the hopes that I will tell her to move out before she graduates. Before she gets a job. Before she can financially support herself.

I really do not think she understands that once this happens, she will truly be cut off from any financial assistance from me.

PAOHS 4-28-2016

The only thing that I am still obligated to pay for (kind of), is the car insurance that automatically comes out of my paycheck every week. Which is why two weeks ago I took her to our Secretary of State and signed the car title over to her. Which means I am NOT obligated to have insurance on the car I gave her. But she sure is. That also means I can cancel the insurance tomorrow if I choose to do so.

She has her Senior prom tomorrow. She graduates in 4 weeks. I keep telling her to focus on school; not on how fast she can be a grown-ass adult and living on her own.

So the drama continues. I honestly hope that she is still living in this house when she graduates. Because if she isn’t, I am probably not likely to host her open house the weekend after.

Yes; I am a bad Mom.

I do not care.

PAOHS 2 4-28-2016

I swear to goodness if one more of my children asks me for one tiny thing, my head is going to explode.

I hate seeing I have a message or missed call on my phone. Because I start wondering what one of my kids is asking me for. And 99% of the time, that is exactly what it is.

Yes, I gave birth to them.

No, they did not ask to be born. And when one of them had the nerve to say that to me? My reply was, “It is a good thing you did not ask to be born; because the answer would have been no!”

This sense of entitlement is literally driving me mad, and I am partially responsible for it. Being a single parent with 4 daughters, it was, and still is, hard to fight a specific battle with each specific child every day. Sometimes I gave in. And now I am paying for it.

 

Why You Suck As A Father Part II

Published August 14, 2015 by Angela

Yes, I am going to be that Mom-Ex for a minute.

Okay, for a few weeks, more than likely. In case if you missed my first rant of why the dad-who-disappeared is stressing me out, you can read that here: Why an Absentee Father Should Disappear Again

So, you may have read it, or you didn’t. But I will fill you in on some backstory.

I got divorced nearly 9 years ago. For the past 7 years, the ex has picked up our girls for one week a year; at Christmas. He doesn’t pay child support. He doesn’t call them on their birthdays. He does not try to contact them except to let me know he is getting them over Christmas break.

So suddenly, he moves back into town.

And when I say back into town, I mean he is living at a local campground in a tent.

So although my 10 and 14 year old are more than able to go spend weekends with him, my 17-year-old senior in high school is not. Why not? Because she is the Drum Major for the marching band. She is on the Varsity Volleyball team. She has a job. And she is working on scholarship applications already because she knows I am very limited on how I can pay her tuition.

So what does he do? He ignores her.

When I get home from working 10 hours today to have my 14 year old say to me “Dad is picking us up tomorrow before he goes to work. For a surprise. But we don’t know what is going on. He will drop us back off before he goes to work.”

ME: “Is 17-year-old part of this surprise?”

14-year-old: “I don’t think so.”

Who does this? What kind of “father” punishes his daughter for trying to be the best person she can be? If you have not read that post I linked to above yet, you should probably read it now.

I am so beyond upset and stressed because he is back disrupting our lives, but I do know it will not be for long. I told him a long time ago……”When your kids get older, they will not have time for you…just like you do not have time for them now.”

Getting Schooled By My Homeschooler

Published January 13, 2015 by Angela

What do you say when you have a full time job, 6am -3 pm, and get home to find your homeschooler doing, well, nothing? Here is how my day went when I got home from work….

Homeschooler:  “I woke up late. Yelled at my 10 year old sister, who goes to public school but is home sick, for not waking me up.” “Oh, but then, I had to take a shower and get dressed because of my dentist appointment today.” “Oh, and I did not want to start something that I would not be able to finish.”

Really? REALLY?

Why she is under the impression (the wrong impression, I might add) that she is off the hook for the day is beyond me. I had to go out of my way after work to get her Algebra study guides sent to the school, or risk her losing 20% of her grade.

Trust me, she does not have 20% to give away.

And before you give me all hell and high water, I spend 5-6 hours every night (every. single. night.) going over her homework with her. I do not leave her hanging to do this on her own. She has a direct number to my office at work, that no one answers but me. Any questions? Call me, I can help you out.

But when you have a 13 year old who is literally bigger than you in size and strength, and refuses to go to school, what do you do?

She promises she is going to go to public high school next year when she enters 9th grade; I am praying daily for this.

Day One of Back To Reality; Here We Go!

Published January 6, 2015 by Angela

I wish I could say I had a spectacular day at work, but it was rather boring. Things tend to be a bit slow at the beginning of the year. My girls got home Sunday afternoon, and were home about 10 minutes before the bickering began. Or should I say continued, from the bickering they had been doing the whole time they were gone.

Christmas 2014 and Dads 1-2-2015 009

I was very happy to have them home, and it is nice to be back on schedule. I was very sad that my 10 year old could not stop crying last night because she missed her dad. All I could do was hug her. I had no answers for her when she kept asking “When are we going to see dad again?” I certainly could not tell her next Christmas, which is more than likely true.

Erin is on track with her home schooling, and I already made it very clear to her that we will not be going to bed on any given night until all assessments are turned in that are due that day.

Weather 1-5-2015

We are still under a Winter Storm Warning here in Michigan. That is supposed to expire Tuesday at noon, and then they will just issue the next one. There is no stop in the snow before Saturday, and with highs of 9 degrees, the wind chill temperature is horrible. The doors on my Mini Cooper were frozen shut this morning and there was no chance of me getting them open to get my safety glasses for work. Thank goodness I have a different car to drive in the Winter!

I hope you are all getting settled into your 2015, working on any resolutions you made, and getting the year started off with a bang!

Boy He’s Starting Early This Christmas Season…

Published December 2, 2014 by Angela

…with the phone calls, and questioning when he can get his girls for Christmas. My girls have been rotating the phone for the past 2 hours, taking turns talking to their dad. While I am struggling to get my 13 year old to sit down and focus on the homework she did not do during the day. Because she slept. So as I manage to get her to stay in front of the laptop for more than 2 seconds, this is what I hear…

Erin: “So, dad is going to talk to you, but he wants to know if he can pick us up on Christmas Eve?”

Me: “And when exactly would you like me to celebrate Christmas with you, since he is keeping you for the entire Christmas break?”

Erin: “I don’t know.”

Me: “He can get you early Christmas morning.”

Erin: “………..” (pouty-face-attitude-coming-for-me-within-the-next-day-or-so).

I do not know how many times he needs to be told to ASK ME before he tells the girls something is going to happen. Yes; I am being a bitch. Would you like to know why I am being a bitch?

Probably not. But I am going to tell you anyway.

1) He does not pay child support

2) He does not regularly visit his girls, unless if you consider once a year regular; if so, he is spot on!

3) He has not bought them (or even made them) one single Christmas gift in the past 5 years

4) He does not call them on their birthdays

5) He does not call them until it gets to be nearly Christmas

Now, I completely realize that the presents have NOTHING to do with the true meaning of Christmas. But when they come home from spending the holidays with him and tell me about all the video games and new things he has bought for himself, and they got nothing; yeah, I get pissed. When I had to drive last year for 4 hours in a blizzard with weather warnings to not be on the road because he suddenly had no way to get them home; yeah, I got pissed. So, he can do one of a few things. He can get them when I say he can. He can call his lawyer. Then we can go in front of the judge and he can explain his lack of father-participation in the upbringing of his girls. Or he can show up on Christmas Eve with the misunderstanding that he is taking his girls that early, and then hang out somewhere until Christmas morning.

I need my girls to enjoy their Christmas. In order for them to do this, I need to deal with these issues with their dad without getting them involved. I wish he would be as considerate of their feelings as well.

The Calm Before the Storm…

Published October 15, 2014 by Angela

…maybe this storm will pass right by? Yeah. Not likely.

So no one felt the need to ask/tell me that one or more of them want to go live with their dad. I was also gone from 5:30am until 6:30 pm, thanks to a very lengthy Doctor’s visit that has led to several more Doctor visits. More on that, later…

By the time I actually made it home, exhausted, I had to get my participation in for my MBA class, check Erin’s homeschooling assignments (which she is still behind, since she slept until 11 am) of which I have also set a new caught-up date of this coming Saturday.

It is just not going to happen. And I am just not ready for this argument right now. And the attitude. And the slamming doors, and throwing of things important and unimportant. And likely refusal to do homeschooling assignments as some sort of punishment for me when the only person she is hurting is herself.

I just cannot justify letting my emotionally unstable 13 year old teenage daughter move in with her father, who she has not seen since January 2nd. Who cannot keep a job. Who lives who-knows-where. Oh. And he is physically and verbally abusive.

Yeah. Not gonna happen.

So I will prepare myself for the attitude to come, and let her know I am doing what is best for her.

I cannot wait for Christmas and that big battle! 🙂