single parenting

All posts tagged single parenting

When You Aren’t Ready for Christmas…

Published December 15, 2016 by Angela

…how can there seriously be 10 days left before Christmas, and I do not even care?

Like I seriously Do. Not. Care.

Tree? Nope.

Gifts bought? Nope.

Caring about these problems? Nope.

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I think I have found my breaking point, and it is trying to buy a house.

I am so crazy busy at work, end of year stuff and packing up my desk to move to a different department…… trying to make sure goals are met for both old and new departments….

Buying a house that is ready to move in; unless if you ask FHA. Did they NOT learn anything from the last fiasco they caused? That last fiasco they caused has had me in this apartment for 8 years.

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My girls want to move. My naughty cats want to move. And I want to move. But good grief; how can you ask me to take out the washer sink in the basement so I can not do laundry? And not give me an alternative?

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I have 2 of my 4 girls still at home. One is homeschooling 10th grade (which is gonna kill both of us), and a 7th grader who I fight with every day to get up and go to school. And I am trying to do everything I can by both of them so we can all be happy.

So can we please just skip Christmas this year?

 

In Store for my 2016

Published January 1, 2016 by Angela

I am hoping for new adventures, stronger relationships, and enjoying every day, no matter what it may bring me.

Returning to the homeschooling adventure is not something I was planning on, or thrilled about at the moment.

More to come

May your 2016 be everything you hoped and prayed for!

  

How To Get Your Own Personal Stalker!

Published August 19, 2015 by Angela

I will be as humorous as I can here, but dating a person for 2 months has completely turned me against ever being in a relationship again. EVER. I will be 43 years old next week, and I want nothing more than to be left alone with no one touching me or asking me for anything.

And now I will clarify that, because I am not the Ice Queen; unemotional, and lacking in feelings.

So, here we go…

60 days ago: I ask out someone I know, kind of, and worked with, kind of, and knew he was on a list for a heart transplant.

59 days ago: I am on my way home from work, I ordered pizza and I will pick you up on my way home.

59 days ago, later: I pick you up. We have never had a serious conversation, but you come out the door with flowers and lean towards me to kiss me….WTF? Your whole family is right there watching, is there some kind of conversation going on behind the scene that I am never privy to?

56 days ago: I am getting random messages at all weird hours of the night. And wake up to FB posts where you high-jacked my blog pictures and are declaring your love to me for all of our 800 friends to see.

56 days ago: I tell you to knock it to hell off. I need space. I like to crawl into bed and stay there for days at a time. I love my cat. I LOVE MY CAT. This is the only man who will ever own my heart again. (Okay, and how flipping awesome is he, anyhow?)

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53 days ago: All is quiet, for a bit. But I am making excuses to not see this guy, but how can I be the person to dump the guy with the defective heart waiting for a transplant? Everyone loves him.

52 days ago: He tells me the last girl he dated told him he deserves to dies alone. I was mad at the time. Now I understand.

50 days ago: He wants to go to church with me, because church is my #1. Yet he has never been to church. He has no idea if I am Catholic, Christian, Mormon, or anything else….

And there is more to come tomorrow. Stay tuned, I will let you know how to get rid of a stalker asap!

There is a Light at the End of the Tunnel!

Published June 2, 2015 by Angela

One assignment is left for Erin’s homeschooling. And that will conclude two years of homeschooling. And I will be speeding to the high school with her to get her registered for her Freshman year in public school.

I really do not know how I managed to get through two years of this. And kudos to those of you who do it for much longer, and for more than one child. Most people who have never attempted to homeschool do not realize how difficult it truly is.

Rewarding? Absolutely. And every single grade is hard-earned. I know Erin and I both learned a lot from this experience, but I would be lying if I said I was not thrilled to be done with it.

And I made it clear to Erin and my 10 year old (Cassidy), that no one will ever homeschool again. I hope I can hold true to that. Obviously if there was an issue with the education they were getting at public school, I would have to reconsider that statement.

I am praying with fingers crossed that it never gets to that point.

If I Knew That Was All it Took, I Would Have Done it Sooner

Published May 22, 2015 by Angela

I should have done it sooner.

After surviving what was a very depressing, cold winter here in West Michigan, I was anxiously looking forward to Easter, and spring, a vacation to Illinois, and a summer full of plans.

And then life happened. Or I happened. I had a bad day. Okay; a really bad day. I yelled at my boyfriend of 8 years, and said some mean (although easily forgivable), things to him. Apparently that was all it took for him to call it quits.

Wait. WHAT?

Yes. Which leads me to believe he was looking for a reason to call it quits, and as weak as this one was, he jumped at it, snatched it up, and took off running.

So let me go back and explain some things about this 8 year relationship. It was a good relationship. We have probably had about 7 or 8 arguments in that time frame. Literally. We NEVER fought. There was nothing to fight about. We went out with friends, we stayed in, we went on trips, and we did family things with my girls. We had the same interests, but while his children were adults, mine were still young.

And he already raised his kids. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I heard that…”I already raised my kids, I don’t want to do it again.”

Anyone who ever says that to me again will regret it. Instantly, and painfully so.

And I accepted it. I told myself; “It’s okay, you can raise these girls alone, without a father figure in the home, or in their life. When they grow up and move out, then we can get married.”

Yes, I am was that girl.

We took a break a couple years ago. Well, let’s be honest here: he had a lot of things going on in his life, and just kept pulling further and further away from me. He needed time. I could not stand being ignored, pushed away, and left out of the things he was doing. I was officially single.

I got a boyfriend. He was furious and would not acknowledge me when he saw me.

Wait. WHAT?

This is what he wanted. He needed time, he didn’t need a girlfriend. Anyhow…we ended up back together, and it was better than ever. He realized what he had lost when he pushed me away, and he did not ever want to feel that way again. We went out with friends, we stayed in, we went on trips, and we did family things with my girls. Just like before.

We discussed marriage. He was going to get me a ring. Once I had one or two more girls off to college, we would live together. I am not the type of person who now had to bring this up every day. We talked about it on occasion, both comfortable that we wanted the same things.

Although he never knew, and likely never will, I had it in the back of my mind that if he had not given me a ring by December 31, 2015, I was ending the relationship. Because I figured after that, all I could expect was a different set of conditions. ‘Your kids are grown and gone, but now I want to spend time with my grandkids, and you don’t have any of your own.”

Yes; he could have said that without even blinking an eye, and I would not have blinked an eye that he had the nerve to say it.

Harsh? I do not think so. I think 8 years is more than enough time to wait for him to make a real commitment to me that he did indeed want to spend the rest of his life with me.

Anyone who feels the need to think that it was all about the ring; forget it. I can buy my own ring. I take care of my girls without any child support or help from the state. I do not need a man to take care of me. I want a man to share my life with, period. Not their house, their money, or their vehicles. I have all of those things already Thank-You-Very-Much.

So now I have been single for over a month, and am still angry that I never really had the chance to tell him all of these things. I feel like he ran as soon as he saw an opportunity, and I never meant enough to him to even be allowed to have a bad day. I did not get the closure I feel I needed. He is still a great guy, we just want different things. I would only wish the very best for him, but more than that, I need to make sure I have the very best for me. I do not hate him, and I do not wish him ill. It takes as much energy to be angry at or hate someone as it does to love them. Probably more, actually.

If he could not handle me on my worst day, he will never get to enjoy me on my best day.

I have a lot to offer someone, and I know that God will put the right person in my life at the right time. Patience is a virtue, and I am willing to wait for that best relationship ever!

Day One of Back To Reality; Here We Go!

Published January 6, 2015 by Angela

I wish I could say I had a spectacular day at work, but it was rather boring. Things tend to be a bit slow at the beginning of the year. My girls got home Sunday afternoon, and were home about 10 minutes before the bickering began. Or should I say continued, from the bickering they had been doing the whole time they were gone.

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I was very happy to have them home, and it is nice to be back on schedule. I was very sad that my 10 year old could not stop crying last night because she missed her dad. All I could do was hug her. I had no answers for her when she kept asking “When are we going to see dad again?” I certainly could not tell her next Christmas, which is more than likely true.

Erin is on track with her home schooling, and I already made it very clear to her that we will not be going to bed on any given night until all assessments are turned in that are due that day.

Weather 1-5-2015

We are still under a Winter Storm Warning here in Michigan. That is supposed to expire Tuesday at noon, and then they will just issue the next one. There is no stop in the snow before Saturday, and with highs of 9 degrees, the wind chill temperature is horrible. The doors on my Mini Cooper were frozen shut this morning and there was no chance of me getting them open to get my safety glasses for work. Thank goodness I have a different car to drive in the Winter!

I hope you are all getting settled into your 2015, working on any resolutions you made, and getting the year started off with a bang!

When You Are Always Wrong…

Published October 17, 2014 by Angela

…no matter what you say or do. This is what my girls and I have been going through for the last couple of weeks. I am not quite sure what is happening or why, but things have become very tense in our home, between the girls, and between the girls and I. Yes; some of it is hormones. When you have 4 daughters, you have hormones. But I cannot blame hormones for all of this.

I am willing to take some of the blame. I have managed to get myself involved in a lot of different things that have made my schedule especially chaotic. I have less than 3 weeks left for my college class for my MBA, and then I do not have any more classes for the rest of this year. This is a great relief for me, and I am hoping I can actually enjoy the holiday season this year as much as I did last year. I have been short-tempered with my girls when they cannot do the most basic of chores or even pick up after themselves.

Are you really incapable of taking that glass you drank your milk from back into the kitchen and in the sink, since you are walking out there anyways to bring some other food or drink item into the living room? Every day when I get home, and every morning when I get up for the day, there are various dirty dishes all over the coffee table, end tables, sitting on the floor next to the couch, rocking chair, or anywhere else they feel the need to leave their stuff.

We will not even begin discussing having 4 ladies using one bathroom! I could do a show; “Big Hormones, Little Home.”

What I definitely know because I am always wrong; is that it means I am the Mom. And that I am doing something right. Because if my teens and preteen agreed with me, I would be acting like their friend, and not their Mother. So I will take this any day over the alternative!

When There Is Nowhere To Turn…

Published October 10, 2014 by Angela

…there is always one place I can, and do, still turn. That is to my faith, my God, and my Savior. Sometimes that is the only place I can turn, and I am okay with that. That is where I get my strength, courage, and peace of mind. Some days that is the only place I can turn, and even on the days when I do not feel a pressing need to turn to my faith, I still do; to say Thank You. Thank you for my children, my health, my job, a warm home, and the means to support my girls and myself on my own.

So after great accomplishments and gains, I again saw this on my 13 year olds arm today:

Why this again? :-(

Why this again? 😦

She says it has been a year, and I believe her, but why now? She said it was because she couldn’t yell at anyone?

What?
Wait. WHAT?
Does she not think I would rather her yell at someone, myself included, then intentionally hurt herself? We go through this, and get her help, and she takes her medication, but still turns back to this to make herself feel better.

It hurts me that she will hurt herself, and I am so helpless to help her. I have tried everything, times 3, and well beyond.

This is what turns me to my faith. I wish she would start turning to her faith as well.

A Failure to Communicate on Your Part…

Published June 6, 2014 by Angela

…Does not make the situation an emergency to me.

I am constantly asking my girls to let me know things that involve me as soon as they learn about them. I could not even begin to count how many times I find things out, sometimes hours before I am supposed to be somewhere, doing something, that I was unknowingly volunteered for. My payback right after my 16 year old did this to me? I let her know Saturday morning that we had a surprise Birthday party to be at in 3 hours. What was her response?

“I hate finding things out at the last minute!”

WHAT?

So I told her “Surprise!”

Last night at 10 pm, while I am at work, I get a text message from said 16 year old letting me know my 9 year old needs plates and cups for school the next morning.

“For what?” I asked.

“A surprise party.” she texts.

“Was I supposed to be surprised too, because this is the first I have heard about this?” UGH.

So, I get to do my least favorite thing I could possibly do after work. Go to Wal-Mart. There is never, EVER, a good time to be in Wal-Mart.

So as I am rushing through the store, trying to get her the 50 cups and 50 plates she needs (Which all the cups came back and only a couple plates got used; the rest of those came back as well 😦 ) she is ringing my cell off the hook.

“What is the issue?” I asked her.

Her friend was leaving and could I bring the plates and cups to school? Um, no. You do not need to leave for school yet, and if you do not wait, I will not drop them off. Your friend can wait.

So I get home, and she is gone. I call her friends house, and yes indeed, they already left. So like the push-over Mom that I am, I take the damn things to school and track her down, letting her know she is grounded for the weekend. I didn’t want the teachers to have to scramble to come up with plates and cups because my child had an irresponsible moment. I am so glad I completely stressed myself out, so they could use 7 plates.

And how has your Friday been?

When There Is Not Enough Time In Your Day

Published May 1, 2014 by Angela

I saw an interesting post yesterday, about how if you do not have enough time to do whatever it is you are doing, you are likely doing the wrong thing, or at least doing it in the wrong way. I have been feeling this for the past couple of weeks. Church activities have wound down now that Easter is over, but I have been busier than ever. My 16 year old is just about done with drivers training, thank goodness, because this is 4 days a week that I have to get up earlier than normal. So I am more tired than normal. I have worked two 12 hour days in a row due to a supervisor being on vacation, so I feel like nothing at home is getting done. And, I have a class winding down, so I am working on a graduate research paper, instead of procrastinating like I normally do and waiting until the last minute.

So could I be doing things differently to have more time? Probably not this week, or the next. But I do have a tendency to get myself involved in more things than my schedule allows, and I need to learn how to say no.

Case in point? I got a phone call yesterday to remind me to have my 9 year old at church at 5:30pm today to practice singing for the Mother’s Day church service. So I got up early, got ready for the day, dropped off 16 year old at drivers training, and went home. I went back and got daughter at 7pm, walked in the door, and realized I completely forgot about the practice tonight. I feel terrible because I know they were counting on her being there. I haven’t even called yet to explain my forgetfulness because I really don’t know what to say.

I need to prioritize, write things on my calendar, and take some time every day to relax, for my well-being and sanity!

How do you tend to overwhelm yourself, and what do you do to correct it?