Holidays

All posts tagged Holidays

This Black Hole of Depression

Published November 13, 2017 by Angela

It has been a week since the time change, and it now gets dark before 5:30 pm. Already I am dealing with the effects of a lack of sun in my life.

Add on top of it, issues with kids, the upcoming holidays that I wish would just bypass me, and health issues, and I am a big ball of mess. I already know as soon as I get home from work, I am heading straight to bed. What’s even worse? I could not care less. I’m curling up under my blankets with my two nekkid kitties and binge watching documentaries.

Benny and Franklin 3

Benjamin (grey cat) & Franklin 

I hope I can shake this craptastic fucking thing that is overwhelming me right now, but until something lets loose for me, it is going to be a long, miserable Winter season. I try to spend as much time at all of my church activities because it definitely helps.

Do you have a sure-fire way to deal with this type of depression? If so, I would love to hear it!

fin

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As The Easter Season Begins…

Published February 18, 2015 by Angela

…I feel so unprepared for it to be here, already! I have been looking forward to this for months, and now I feel like I am not ready. Easter truly is my favorite time of year, and I have so many things I want to get accomplished. I also have so many things going on right now, I am already afraid I will not be able to enjoy this time of year as much as I had hoped, and planned.

I am already going to miss our Ash Wednesday service at church as my 17-year old has a band concert tonight. I can live with that, although I had hoped to go. I have not made any decisions on giving up / doing something for others for Lent.

I am trying to focus on definitely spending time in the Word, appreciating this season for what it is meant for, and bettering myself as not only a Mom, and a friend, but as a Godly Woman. Kind of a tall order for someone who is unprepared, right?

So tomorrow I am going to make sure to read the Scripture, and set aside time every day during the Easter season to do so. My Accounting class that started today will just have to make room for both of these things in my schedule 🙂

I am planning quite an extravagant Easter weekend and dinner, so that is definitely something I am looking forward to and get to plan.

Do you and your family have Easter traditions, new or old, that help you celebrate this great holiday season?

What In The World Is Wrong With Us?

Published December 24, 2014 by Angela

All of us…I have heard nothing for the past several weeks except death, violence, protests, shootings, killings, vengeance, and hate.

How can anyone be in the Christmas spirit when they cannot even turn on the news or radio without having to hear about another person shot, another person killing the innocent, another person fighting the system? What system exactly has caused all of this violence? Possibly the system of we as Americans, and as a Country, that can no longer stand together and support those we voted into office. Instead of supporting those in charge, we now feel it is our right, duty, and obligation to tear down, embarrass, harass, and humiliate anyone and everyone who does not agree with our own personal thoughts and beliefs.

As my most favorite President said, “A House divided against itself cannot stand.” No other President may have ever spoken wiser words. I am sure Mr. Abraham Lincoln is hanging his head in sorrow today.

Casting Crowns Lyrics

And that, my Friends, is the end of my ranting. My girls and myself are going to have a wonderful Christmas, and focus on everything we have been blessed with. If that means listening to Christmas Music on CD’s and watching movies on DVD’s, so be it. I for one am tuning out the rest of the world until December 26th. If something happens before then that I should be aware of, I am sure I will be made aware of it.

May each and every one of you have a wonderful, Blessed Christmas full of Peace and Joy!

Boy He’s Starting Early This Christmas Season…

Published December 2, 2014 by Angela

…with the phone calls, and questioning when he can get his girls for Christmas. My girls have been rotating the phone for the past 2 hours, taking turns talking to their dad. While I am struggling to get my 13 year old to sit down and focus on the homework she did not do during the day. Because she slept. So as I manage to get her to stay in front of the laptop for more than 2 seconds, this is what I hear…

Erin: “So, dad is going to talk to you, but he wants to know if he can pick us up on Christmas Eve?”

Me: “And when exactly would you like me to celebrate Christmas with you, since he is keeping you for the entire Christmas break?”

Erin: “I don’t know.”

Me: “He can get you early Christmas morning.”

Erin: “………..” (pouty-face-attitude-coming-for-me-within-the-next-day-or-so).

I do not know how many times he needs to be told to ASK ME before he tells the girls something is going to happen. Yes; I am being a bitch. Would you like to know why I am being a bitch?

Probably not. But I am going to tell you anyway.

1) He does not pay child support

2) He does not regularly visit his girls, unless if you consider once a year regular; if so, he is spot on!

3) He has not bought them (or even made them) one single Christmas gift in the past 5 years

4) He does not call them on their birthdays

5) He does not call them until it gets to be nearly Christmas

Now, I completely realize that the presents have NOTHING to do with the true meaning of Christmas. But when they come home from spending the holidays with him and tell me about all the video games and new things he has bought for himself, and they got nothing; yeah, I get pissed. When I had to drive last year for 4 hours in a blizzard with weather warnings to not be on the road because he suddenly had no way to get them home; yeah, I got pissed. So, he can do one of a few things. He can get them when I say he can. He can call his lawyer. Then we can go in front of the judge and he can explain his lack of father-participation in the upbringing of his girls. Or he can show up on Christmas Eve with the misunderstanding that he is taking his girls that early, and then hang out somewhere until Christmas morning.

I need my girls to enjoy their Christmas. In order for them to do this, I need to deal with these issues with their dad without getting them involved. I wish he would be as considerate of their feelings as well.

As November Comes To A Close…

Published November 30, 2014 by Angela

…I cannot help but question the means and manner I am likely to wish my December away as well; in a hurry for this Christmas season to just be done already, and a new year to begin. I am unsure what is different this year, compared to last year when I thoroughly enjoyed the entire Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I am sure there were days when I was not in the best of moods, but this complete blanket of the blues that I cannot get out from under is really wearing on me.

Some things I know that are not helping; the non-stop bickering of my children. Case in point; this is exactly what I have been listening to for the past hour: Erin and Cassidy are bickering over the most ridiculous crap that I would honestly just like to knock their noggins together and see if it brings some sense to them. Erin is yelling at Cassidy because she is playing Mario, and Erin does not want to listen to the music from the video game. She is also fighting with Cassidy because she is listening to music via headphones (that Erin cannot hear) and whenever Erin does 2 things at once, Cassidy yells at her.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What in the hokey hell is wrong with these two? Erin is pissed because Cassidy always gets her way, and is telling Cassidy she is an idiot. Cassidy is telling Erin she always gets her way, and to stop acting like a brat. I just let them both know if I hear one more word out of either of them, they will both go upstairs, to the bedroom they share, and they can stay in there for the entire day and fight it out amongst themselves.

So anyhow, back to me and this depression that has taken hold of me. There have been some life changes going on with me, and I am not quite sure how they could possibly be playing a role in me feeling as terrible as I do.

I got a new position at work that I signed a posting for. It took me off from third shift, and back to first shift. Definitely a bonus, but it involved a significant pay cut. I have also had several unexpected expenses come up, such as having my car go to the shop twice in two months. I also doubled my car payment and insurance prior to this pay cut, and have had to dig into my savings account much more than I ever wanted to. I have had other expenses happen as well, and to say I am stressing about Christmas gifts is truly an understatement. And no matter how many times I told my girls I took a pay cut, they do not seem to care one way or the other; it is non-stop “I want, I want, I want…”

My year + of sobriety hit the curb for a couple of weeks, but I am back on track. The 30+ lbs I initially lost when I quit drinking has slowly found its way back to me. I can admit that yes, I did get too thin, and needed to put about 10 lbs back on. Well, I indeed managed that. Along with another 20 lbs from stress eating that now has me not only depressed, but now feeling very unhealthy and uncomfortable.

I am tired. So very tired, all of the time. I am doing all of the housework, and yes, I have tried just leaving things until my girls can no longer stand it and they start helping. Other than their bedrooms and laundry, all of their other messes infringe on my living areas as well, and therefore my comfort levels. They will literally not empty the kitchen garbage, even if they throw something in there and it falls out on the floor because it is already overfilled. It does not bother them to live in a messy house. It absolutely drives me bonkers.

The only motivation I have as of late is to stay in my bedroom with my cat, my books, and Netflix to pass the time.

I certainly hope that the extra vitamins I bought yesterday, along with my Prozac and Xanax, bring about a quick change to my terrible sadness. I hate feeling like this, and really did not expect the long Michigan winter that began on Halloween to effect me so negatively this year, since it did not last year.

I am now more than ever relying on my faith,and making an effort to bury myself in reading the bible daily, and watching anything and everything that is inspirational and reminds me of how truly lucky and blessed I am, even if I am momentarily blue.

Please let it be momentarily!

…and my 16 year old just asked when I was going to cook dinner…….WTH. I am not eating it, I am dieting. The thought for her to cook it would never cross her mind, or any of the other girls’ for that matter.

And So It Begins In West Michigan…

Published November 17, 2014 by Angela

…a Winter season that is looking to be as bad as everyone predicted, which is even worse than last year. It is currently 6:15pm here, on November 17th, and there are 104 closings for evening events that were scheduled. I think the school closings will start coming in by about 10 pm.

Another thing that I get out of the Winter season is numerous Doctor, Med-center, and Emergency room visits. Case in point: a 5:00 am trip to the ER this morning with my 16 year old. She has asthma, and as soon as the temperature gets to a certain degree outside, she is pretty much miserable for the entire Winter season. I spent $55.00 on an OTC nebulizer at the pharmacy yesterday which seemed to help, momentarily. Her other inhalers were not doing the trick. But this morning by the time I got out of the shower and dressed for work, she asked to go to the emergency room. I know better than to second guess or question her when she asks, because she will suffer in silence until she can absolutely not deal with it any longer.

And that other lovely side effect of bad Michigan Winters is lots of snow days for my girls. Which means lots of phone calls at work for me, because they cannot get along. Sometimes they do spectacular together, other days, they really all just need to be in separate rooms.

And the worst side effect is that I get seasonal depression. Which is much worse than my regular depression I deal with on a daily basis. As soon as the time changed and it started getting dark at 5:30 pm, I have been short of patience. I have plenty of books on my reading list, and my best defense against this very real seasonal depression is laying in my comfortable bed with my cat, reading great stories.

How do you handle the Winter weather if you are in a snowy state?

In Case If You Like Free Stuff…

Published November 8, 2014 by Angela

…have I got an offer for you. I know several of you are already following my blog on books, reviews, and all things book! If you are, I hope you get a chance to register for the two $25.00 Amazon gift cards.

If not, here is the link to the post on my Books & Opinions blog, go check it out if you are interested at a chance at these 2 gift cards. It is one drawing, with the winner receiving both cards, to share, keep, or give as gifts 🙂

You can find that post here: http://booksandopinions.com/2014/11/06/give-away-1-for-your-holiday-season/