Since last night I have been fighting panic attacks. Hopefully after a talk with a 24-hour nurse, who assured me I could take my medication for anxiety since I have not taken a pain pill in 13 hours for my broken ankle, I did exactly that, and I should be feeling some relief soon. I will deal with the pain and not take the pain meds again; I cannot deal with the panic. Fingers crossed that this is enough to help me cope and get back to feeling normal again. Well, as normal as possible being on bed rest, still, with a broken ankle.
I went to this church two different times this weekend just to be able to get inside and see the beauty of it. I was not disappointed! Friday I was too late for the self guided tours, so I took my girls there Saturday morning on the way to Zehnder’s Waterpark.
I have been a member of my Lutheran church here in West Michigan for over 30 years. My parents actually got married there over 54 years ago, but we stopped going for quite some time. I went through adult confirmation classes and was baptized at my church when I was 16.
To get to visit another Lutheran church where they were so welcoming and let me come in and take pictures made my whole trip worth it!
(and if I could have snuck up those stairs and had a chance to play that pipe organ, I just may have! When you take lessons for years and years, every instrument is a challenge!)
I have been dealing with some personal issues of a magnitude that even those closest to me are not aware of. While it is not my intention to disclose these issues even now; it is my intention to finally fully own them, face them, and conquer them.
My journey of raising daughters may be half over, but they will always be my daughters, no matter their stage in life. I also need to make sure I stop losing myself in the chaos and busyness of my life. I really do need to stop and smell the roses. Not occasionally when I make time; but to always make time to do just that.
As I am in the back seat of my vehicle with 3 of my girls, going to spend the day with the fourth, I am reading a book that I think will truly help me on this journey. It is called “Hands Free Life” by Rachel Macy Stafford, and looks like the perfect book to start this new chapter of my life with; pun intended 😉
…I feel so unprepared for it to be here, already! I have been looking forward to this for months, and now I feel like I am not ready. Easter truly is my favorite time of year, and I have so many things I want to get accomplished. I also have so many things going on right now, I am already afraid I will not be able to enjoy this time of year as much as I had hoped, and planned.
I am already going to miss our Ash Wednesday service at church as my 17-year old has a band concert tonight. I can live with that, although I had hoped to go. I have not made any decisions on giving up / doing something for others for Lent.
I am trying to focus on definitely spending time in the Word, appreciating this season for what it is meant for, and bettering myself as not only a Mom, and a friend, but as a Godly Woman. Kind of a tall order for someone who is unprepared, right?
So tomorrow I am going to make sure to read the Scripture, and set aside time every day during the Easter season to do so. My Accounting class that started today will just have to make room for both of these things in my schedule 🙂
I am planning quite an extravagant Easter weekend and dinner, so that is definitely something I am looking forward to and get to plan.
Do you and your family have Easter traditions, new or old, that help you celebrate this great holiday season?
All of us…I have heard nothing for the past several weeks except death, violence, protests, shootings, killings, vengeance, and hate.
How can anyone be in the Christmas spirit when they cannot even turn on the news or radio without having to hear about another person shot, another person killing the innocent, another person fighting the system? What system exactly has caused all of this violence? Possibly the system of we as Americans, and as a Country, that can no longer stand together and support those we voted into office. Instead of supporting those in charge, we now feel it is our right, duty, and obligation to tear down, embarrass, harass, and humiliate anyone and everyone who does not agree with our own personal thoughts and beliefs.
As my most favorite President said, “A House divided against itself cannot stand.” No other President may have ever spoken wiser words. I am sure Mr. Abraham Lincoln is hanging his head in sorrow today.
And that, my Friends, is the end of my ranting. My girls and myself are going to have a wonderful Christmas, and focus on everything we have been blessed with. If that means listening to Christmas Music on CD’s and watching movies on DVD’s, so be it. I for one am tuning out the rest of the world until December 26th. If something happens before then that I should be aware of, I am sure I will be made aware of it.
May each and every one of you have a wonderful, Blessed Christmas full of Peace and Joy!
…to things that instigate the crap out of me is a lot tougher than others make it look. Not replying to those “baiting” social network posts is sometimes a chore in and of itself. I can honestly say, if I were still drinking, I would have a lot fewer ‘friends’ on my social networking accounts. Because I would be saying exactly what I thought. Regretting it the next day, for sure, or whenever it was that I sobered up 🙂
There is a lot to be said for turning the other cheek. Even if it means allowing someone to do the proverbial ‘strike me in the other cheek’. I much prefer my life like this. Sober, Faithful to my religion, and tolerating of those who irritate me. Not very Christ-like, I am sure, but it is a work in progress.
I am a work in progress!
One day at a time is the way I choose to live, because I have no control over the day before or the day after today. I’ve learned (for the most part) to stop wasting my ‘today’ time on things out of my control.
This is our first official day of WOW at my church (Worship on Wednesday). We got together last week for dinner and to discuss how we were going to do things this year, getting lessons ready, assigning jobs, etc. I have been teaching one of the small groups for several years now, and I do enjoy my time that I get to spend at church and with the youth groups.
So I have had the entire week to get things in order for the first craft project. Except I didn’t. I mean, I am pretty sure the items I need are already at the church, I had stockpiled a lot of craft supplies there for the last 2 years. But I haven’t really decided on exactly what project I am going to be doing. I am not quite sure exactly what the lesson is for the night, so I want to make sure I pick an activity that fits the theme.
Our youth Minister let us know we really want to focus this year on getting kids to open their bibles. There are lots of fun ways to get them to do this (search for verses, scavenger hunts using verses, acting out verses) and I think it is going to be another great year of WOW.
I just feel completely unprepared, and I have a very busy schedule on Wednesdays with other kids activities going on, plus I need to get my college work in for the day.
So here’s to winging it, and I hope it all works out, like it usually does 🙂
1) Go to church a lot more – I am pretty successful with this one. I don’t miss too often, because I can really tell when I do; my attitude pretty much tanks.
2) Tithe a lot more- Success
3) Stop swearing – doing pretty well. I still swear, but nowhere near as much as I did. I wonder if it counts if I am still thinking the words, and just not saying them?
4) Stop yelling – Better, but I still have my moments
5) Make and take some “me” time – This made me want to cry when I read this. Literally, I felt the tears behind my eyes. This has not happened, and with my kids going non-stop, and me working and going to college, it feels like it is not going to happen anytime soon. I get a 6-week break from college at the end of June, and the girls will be out of school so hopefully I can make this happen!
6) Patience – yeah. Next…
7) Exercise – LOL. Still. Next…
8) Read the Bible – I am up to 1 Samuel. I have gotten through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, and Ruth.
9) Improve my photography skills – I have not had the camera out very much, at all. I am trying to focus on taking it with me when I go somewhere so I have it handy all the time.
10) Allow myself to be happy – I have been feeling kind of crummy for the last couple of months. As the weather gets nicer, my mood gets more crummy. I think it is just all of the running I have been doing, along with school work. I have been Blessed with so much, and have been focusing on Thanking God for that on a daily basis 🙂
Sound over-dramatic? Probably. Is it over-dramatic? Not to me. I tend to pick my battles with my children, and I don’t pick those battles based on my odds of winning them. I pick them based on their importance. Even if I am likely to lose the battle, I will have made my feelings known.
So to hear something come out of my child’s mouth that goes against everything that makes my life livable, survivable, enjoyable; it felt like she slapped me across the face. A sucker-punch to the gut. A year ago, she could have said the exact same thing to me, and I wouldn’t have felt such a strong reaction. I have been fortunate enough to finally be honest with myself and admit that I needed to change things in my life. To be Happy. Healthy. Alive. To enjoy Life, and stop wasting so much of it saying “if only” and “what if”. To enjoy the blessings I have been fortunate enough to be graced with.
So is this my daughter’s fault that I had a change in my own personal life that was so extreme and powerful that her voicing her beliefs would cut me to the quick? No. I did not get angry at her. I didn’t tell her she was wrong. That she had to feel and believe the same things I do. If it works for me, it will work for her too. She was making a mistake. I said nothing of the sort. I did not believe any of those things, so I could not possibly say those things to her.
What I did say to her? That what she said to me was really hard to hear. I didn’t tell her I was disappointed in her. Does it really matter what it was she said to me? No. You can think up any number of things that a child could say to a parent to get this type of reaction, and everything I stated would apply to that situation too.
“I don’t like church.”
That was it. Those four words. The one thing that has had such a profound change on my health, well-being, and our family life for nearly the past year, and she doesn’t like church. Was I wondering if she doesn’t believe in God and Jesus the same way I do? Nope. What I was wondering was does she have so little appreciation for the huge changes I have made in my own life to improve all of our lives that she just doesn’t really care. Do my efforts mean nothing? She says things are better, but how can she appreciate how much better our lives are but not like church, the very thing that allowed for these changes to take place?
As long as it works for me, it is good enough for all of us. I do not need her to like church in order for it to have a positive influence on my attitude, and my life. I have never forced my children to go to church every Sunday, make them go to Sunday school, or anything they didn’t want to do. Am I short-changing them because I am not exposing them to more religion? I don’t think so. If I live my life as a Godly Woman, they will see that. They can learn by example. They will remember the special memories of any number of things from their past, and they will see how my beliefs played a role in the atmosphere of our experiences. If they choose to raise their own families in a healthy environment where communication and valuing each person are important, they will remember what gave me the ability to live this life I provide for all of us. That is what will lead them to God and Jesus. They will remember the path I followed to get there, so when they are ready, they can find their way there too. And I will be there to help them along the way, but only if they ask for it.
For quite some time now, I have been praying for God to please help me with my patience. Okay. My lack of patience, which is generally a horrible problem for me. Most times I can cope fairly well, but when it is bad, it is really, really bad. When I seem to have 10 things to do and only time for 5, or I need to be in more than one place at the same time (this happens so much to me!), I get short on patience and long on anger.
Well of course I am going to have situations that test my patience, I keep asking God for just that thing. So since I am fully aware of what is going on, why can’t I deal with it better? Why can’t I take a deep breath, exhale, hold my tongue, and examine the situation for what it is? Take the situation in as a whole, divide it up into pieces, and work on one thing at a time, because that is really all any of us are capable of doing.
Instead, I immediately lose my patience, and Lord help anyone who is in the way of my words. I don’t yell or swear, but I certainly do not talk in a calm, helping manner. I feel mean, I feel upset that I can lose my cool that fast. I feel like this major character flaw I have is getting the best of me, at the worst of times. So, what do you do when you get exactly what you ask for?
Make the best of it. See it for what it is. An opportunity to improve, grow, change. To be a better you. To show a better you.
Don’t ask for something if you are not truly prepared to handle it. I am ready to handle it. In the worst situations, I can be at my best.