It may sound like a weakness, but for me, it seems to be the strongest thing I can ever do. I also need to be clear that this is not “giving up”! I believe admitting defeat, and giving up, are two very different things. Only by admitting defeat can I begin to heal and fix the things that are wrong in my life. When I don’t face the fact that I am defeated, I keep behaving in the same manner as I have been, which gets me absolutely no where besides back in the same spot I was the day before.
If I were giving up, I would not even be trying. I am trying. I am trying with everything I have, but I also know I cannot do this alone. God is and will continue to walk this journey with me in my life. Communicating with friends and family members brings comfort to my anxious heart, and lets them know what I am experiencing.
I have to embrace the one-day-at-a-time mentality, and it has to begin today. As I stated in an earlier blog post, I am really good at saying…”tomorrow; I’ll start tomorrow”, and how I am going to run out of tomorrows. So now it is my today. This day. My tomorrow’s now will consist of both fantastic days, and very difficult days. I know this, expect this, and embrace it. I have to. If I want to move forward, and start living the wonderful, beautiful life that God put me here for, I have to, and will, accept the bad right along with the good. I have many dreams that I want to accomplish in my life, and only by healing myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually will I accomplish this.
Maybe soon I will be brave enough to discuss my demons as well 😊
Things have been getting seriously out of control for me lately. Not with my job, or my kids, or anything of that sort, but seriously just with myself. I feel like I am fighting a daily battle that I cannot seem to win.
The anxiety is literally crushing me right now, and I have to find better ways to cope with it. I follow several blogs that deal with depression and anxiety, which is very helpful. It helps calm me down when I can breathe for a second and realize that I am not the only one who deals with these types of things. It may be time to find a support group in my town though.
I tend to avoid books on the matter because for whatever the reason may be, it seems to trigger my anxiety when I read books on it. I have been listening to Steven Furtick’s new sermon series, “Triggered: Taking back your mind in the age of anxiety”. I quite often turn to Steven Furtick as his sermons are fantastic! He is down to earth, and relatable.
I need to spend more time in my Bible, and less time on my phone. More time focusing on the many positive things in my life, and no time focusing on the things that may not have went the way I wanted or needed them to. I waste so much time and energy on regret, when I should be spending it on living full of gratefulness. I really have been blessed with many things in my life, and yet depression and anxiety have come to live with me.
Have you found a successful way to handle, control, or cure your panic attacks? I would love to hear about them!
Over the past month I have been rather successful using Weight Watchers to get my weight, and general well being, under control. My blood pressure has been an issue for about the last year, and a switch of medications seems to have helped. There were a couple weeks where it was consistently high, but eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables and avoiding salt and processed foods has got it back under control. I have lost 11 lbs, and feel good about the 40-50 I have remaining to lose.
I have been taking many supplements along with the numerous prescriptions I take for depression, anxiety, and high blood pressure, and they have definitely improved my mood. Yet, I will have a day that just seems to go completely to shit right from the get-go, and then my attitude sucks, my mood is down, and I struggle to stay focused on being healthy and taking care of myself. Instead of focusing on how well I have been doing, and feeling, I can only focus on why my life seems to be shit at that very moment.
It amazes me how quickly I can disregard all of the positive, and put all that energy into focusing on that one day where things just refuse to fall into place, cooperate, and just basically go my way, even if it is only a tiny bit.
I guess this is where I really need to work on my gratitude. Normally when I wake up every morning (after not sleeping well, which is another problem I need to address), I thank God for giving me another day to be a good person, to watch for opportunities to help others, and be grateful for all of the blessings I have in my life. My four healthy daughters, a successful career, a nice home and car, a great church family, and a few close friends. I truly am blessed with all of the things I have in my life, and definitely need to keep better stock of that.
I also get motivated to keep writing two books I started, work on some craft projects for my Etsy store, make improvements in my house and yard, but the motivation I wake up with does not seem to last me through the day. I get brilliant ideas for something to make for my store, but then I never seem to finish the projects I start.
After a trip to the medi center last night because my heart would not stop racing for a half hour, and fearing a possible interaction with a medication and something I ate, I figured better safe than sorry. Everything checked out great, even my blood pressure and heart rate, and the EKG. Then I just had to wait for the anxiety and panic to go away, and I did get “some” sleep.
Today is the day where I have got to start working on keeping my attitude-of-gratitude with me from the time I wake until the time I go to bed. Are bad things going to happen, and things are going to go wrong? Hell, yes! That is a normal occurrence in my life. What I cannot do is let it take away my gratefulness and happiness. I gotta say “Screw it! So what! Shit happens!” I cannot let it determine and control how the rest of my day will go.
This will definitely be a tough task for me to learn and master, but after that scare last night, this has to happen now. I’m getting older, not younger, and need to remind myself that the time to do the things I want to do is NOW, not tomorrow or the next day.
I am excited about having a vacation day off from work today so I can go to an estate sale! I have a couple specific things in mind that I want from the photos I saw, and I hope no one else is looking for those same items! I will definitely be there early so I can get in the door as soon as they open, and can only hope for some success today 🙂
How do you deal with things when it just starts to go downhill like an out-of-control bike with no brakes on it?
Since last night I have been fighting panic attacks. Hopefully after a talk with a 24-hour nurse, who assured me I could take my medication for anxiety since I have not taken a pain pill in 13 hours for my broken ankle, I did exactly that, and I should be feeling some relief soon. I will deal with the pain and not take the pain meds again; I cannot deal with the panic. Fingers crossed that this is enough to help me cope and get back to feeling normal again. Well, as normal as possible being on bed rest, still, with a broken ankle.
Or maybe your children did. You know, those families that are just beautiful. Perfect hair, teeth, faces, bodies. Not that it is a bad thing. Some people win that lottery, some don’t. Some have natural beauty, some have to work a little harder at it.
But what about that other genetic lottery? You know; the illnesses, addictions, diseases, bad behaviors, and all those other things that every person dreads.
I do not look like either of my parents, or any of my 3 siblings. All 4 of my daughters have a strong resemblance to me. No one would ever ask any two or more of us who may be together if we are related. It is that obvious. I do not know where I got my green eyes from, I am the only one in my family with green eyes. I have 2 daughters with blue eyes, one with blue-green-indescribable colored eyes, and one with brown eyes. All of my girls got their eye colors from their father’s side.
What else was I blessed/cursed with? An incurable, genetic bladder disease (IC) that I have been dealing with for over 25 years. Anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. I have stopped drinking alcohol because thanks to an alcoholic mother and father, and grandparents on both sides, I cannot just have a couple drinks. Oh, it always starts out as a couple drinks, but it never ends after a couple. A couple of drinks would never again be enough for me. I am unsure if I will get my Grandmother’s dementia, but I know my girls would make sure I had the best treatment possible if and when it got to that point.
I am very smart. Smart in the way that just comes easy to me. No clue on where that came from. No, I am not saying anyone in my family is not smart, it was just always easier for me. I am musically inclined, and can play 7 different musical instruments. No one in my family ever played or sang, but I have 2 daughters who are musically inclined.
But I worry about what else my daughters may get from me. Will they have addiction issues? Control issues? I have a 13 year old with depression and anger issues, and I wonder how much of that comes from me or her father. You just never know. Just because your parents are a certain way, does not mean you need to grow up and be like them. But you certainly want to be aware of the possible issues that go along with being their child.
So when you look at those people and think to yourself that they must have a perfect life, you need to remember that no one has a perfect life. Many people have issues or illnesses you will never see. So you may have gotten a couple doozies in the genetics pool, but I bet you got some good ones too!