anxiety

All posts tagged anxiety

My Number One Pet Peeve…

Published August 16, 2018 by Angela

…okay, number one through a gazillion.

Pet Peeve #1 through a gazillion; and yes, it is the same one. Do NOT get in my personal space.
If you are behind me in a checkout lane;
1) climbing up my behind will not make a) the cashier move any faster, or b) the person they are checking out stop giving them their life story.

2) When I take two steps forward to get away from you, do not take three steps forward. It will not get you out the door faster, but it will get you talked to, by me, which I have done before, and will have to do again.

3) When I tell you to back up, just back up. Don’t look like you had no idea you were being completely rude and out of line. Honestly, I don’t know if you are lifting my debit card, pin, or just a crazy person…..

4) I am not dressed to the nines in Walgreens getting kitty litter and garbage bags. There is no reason you would find any need to think…”I gotta get to know this girl.”

That is all….

What is your worst pet peeve? For a person with anxiety, I know personally it does not take much more than this to set me off 😦

Advertisements

Taking Back My Life – I Hope

Published August 15, 2018 by Angela

Things have been getting seriously out of control for me lately. Not with my job, or my kids, or anything of that sort, but seriously just with myself. I feel like I am fighting a daily battle that I cannot seem to win.

The anxiety is literally crushing me right now, and I have to find better ways to cope with it. I follow several blogs that deal with depression and anxiety, which is very helpful. It helps calm me down when I can breathe for a second and realize that I am not the only one who deals with these types of things. It may be time to find a support group in my town though.

Stressed Meme 1

I tend to avoid books on the matter because for whatever the reason may be, it seems to trigger my anxiety when I read books on it. I have been listening to Steven Furtick’s new sermon series, “Triggered: Taking back your mind in the age of anxiety”. I quite often turn to Steven Furtick as his sermons are fantastic! He is down to earth, and relatable.

I need to spend more time in my Bible, and less time on my phone. More time focusing on the many positive things in my life, and no time focusing on the things that may not have went the way I wanted or needed them to. I waste so much time and energy on regret, when I should be spending it on living full of gratefulness. I really have been blessed with many things in my life, and yet depression and anxiety have come to live with me.

Have you found a successful way to handle, control, or cure your panic attacks? I would love to hear about them!

 

Between the Good Days and Bad Days

Published June 22, 2018 by Angela

Over the past month I have been rather successful using Weight Watchers to get my weight, and general well being, under control. My blood pressure has been an issue for about the last year, and a switch of medications seems to have helped. There were a couple weeks where it was consistently high, but eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables and avoiding salt and processed foods has got it back under control. I have lost 11 lbs, and feel good about the 40-50 I have remaining to lose.

frazzled mom

 

I have been taking many supplements along with the numerous prescriptions I take for depression, anxiety, and high blood pressure, and they have definitely improved my mood. Yet, I will have a day that just seems to go completely to shit right from the get-go, and then my attitude sucks, my mood is down, and I struggle to stay focused on being healthy and taking care of myself. Instead of focusing on how well I have been doing, and feeling, I can only focus on why my life seems to be shit at that very moment.

It amazes me how quickly I can disregard all of the positive, and put all that energy into focusing on that one day where things just refuse to fall into place, cooperate, and just basically go my way, even if it is only a tiny bit.

Patience meme

I guess this is where I really need to work on my gratitude. Normally when I wake up every morning (after not sleeping well, which is another problem I need to address), I thank God for giving me another day to be a good person, to watch for opportunities to help others, and be grateful for all of the blessings I have in my life. My four healthy daughters, a successful career, a nice home and car, a great church family, and a few close friends. I truly am blessed with all of the things I have in my life, and definitely need to keep better stock of that.

I also get motivated to keep writing two books I started, work on some craft projects for my Etsy store, make improvements in my house and yard, but the motivation I wake up with does not seem to last me through the day. I get brilliant ideas for something to make for my store, but then I never seem to finish the projects I start.

After a trip to the medi center last night because my heart would not stop racing for a half hour, and fearing a possible interaction with a medication and something I ate, I figured better safe than sorry. Everything checked out great, even my blood pressure and heart rate, and the EKG. Then I just had to wait for the anxiety and panic to go away, and I did get “some” sleep.

Today is the day where I have got to start working on keeping my attitude-of-gratitude with me from the time I wake until the time I go to bed. Are bad things going to happen, and things are going to go wrong? Hell, yes! That is a normal occurrence in my life. What I cannot do is let it take away my gratefulness and happiness. I gotta say “Screw it! So what! Shit happens!” I cannot let it determine and control how the rest of my day will go.

This will definitely be a tough task for me to learn and master, but after that scare last night, this has to happen now. I’m getting older, not younger, and need to remind myself that the time to do the things I want to do is NOW, not tomorrow or the next day.

I am excited about having a vacation day off from work today so I can go to an estate sale! I have a couple specific things in mind that I want from the photos I saw, and I hope no one else is looking for those same items! I will definitely be there early so I can get in the door as soon as they open, and can only hope for some success today 🙂

How do you deal with things when it just starts to go downhill like an out-of-control bike with no brakes on it?

Anxiety and Panic :-(

Published February 10, 2018 by Angela

Philipians 4 6 8

Since last night I have been fighting panic attacks. Hopefully after a talk with a 24-hour nurse, who assured me I could take my medication for anxiety since I have not taken a pain pill in 13 hours for my broken ankle, I did exactly that, and I should be feeling some relief soon. I will deal with the pain and not take the pain meds again; I cannot deal with the panic. Fingers crossed that this is enough to help me cope and get back to feeling normal again. Well, as normal as possible being on bed rest, still, with a broken ankle.

What I’ve Been Up To While Stuck on Bedrest…

Published January 26, 2018 by Angela

…after four days in the hospital I have now been home for 6 days. It has been going smoothly for the most part, except for Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday I had a slight breakdown and couldn’t stop crying. I’ve no idea what brought it on, but I got calmed down. Only to fall a little while later, which brought on breakdown # 2. I didn’t hurt my ankle at all, thank goodness, but I did pull some abdominal muscles. I was scared that I did something internally but iced it and it calmed down. Then Thursday I had another meltdown, which took awhile to get under control. When I left the hospital I was told to not take my daily meds until I talked to my doctor. Which means I have been off my Prozac for 6 days now, and am sure that is contributing to me being an emotional mess. I have a call in to my doctor to make sure I can start taking them again, but am still waiting for a call back.

My abdomen has been hurting all last night and this morning, and I am praying it does not get any worse before I get to the surgeons on Monday. If there is one thing I am good at, it is stressing myself out😔 Such as I have been stressing since I came home last Saturday about how I am safely going to get down the ramp my brother built to get to my appointment Monday. I do have a couple people lined up to be here along with my friend who is taking me, to make sure I safely get in the car.

I have been alone during the day while my 13 year old is at school, so I try to sleep to avoid needing to get up to use the bathroom more than is absolutely necessary. She has a half day today, as well as Monday and Tuesday. After my appointment Monday I will have a better idea of how my ankle is healing and will get confirmation that my abdomen is okay.

Puzzle books and documentaries have been getting me through, as well as a lot of conversations with God. I am so not used to being helpless like this, and when I get anxious prayer certainly helps calm me down. I have had friends bringing food as well as other things I need, and it amazes me the wonderful circle of friends I have.

My 13 year old has been beyond wonderful, and it brings tears to my eyes watching her be so caring of me and my needs. She messages me from school to see how I am doing as well as making sure I take my pills on time.

It is definitely the times of trials and hardships that you learn what you are made of!

If I May Interrupt Your Currently Scheduled Broadcast…

Published November 16, 2017 by Angela

…to discuss something that I have quickly realized is an epidemic in my community. I have been aware of it, heard some talk here-and-there about it, but when it begins to affect my personal life, I feel I must take action.

It is children being raised by their Grandparents. I do not see this as a bad thing, and am grateful for every single grandparent who has taken on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren, because their own children are unable or unwilling to.

It's hurting again drawing

My 13 year old daughter has two best friends, one who lives with her Granny, and another who lives with her Grandma and Grandpa. These girls are always at my house. I feed them, I take them to church, and one of them spends at least 4 nights out of 7 at my house. I am okay with that. I know the grandparents of this one girl, and they are also raising one of her brothers. They send food over, take the girls places, etc. It is a group effort, and I am glad to be a part of it.

So what happened yesterday was my 13 year old shows up with a boy from school. He doesn’t have his house key, and no one is home right now.

Okay, fair enough. I ask him where he lives, and he says he is going to walk home. No problem. I told him he will be leaving by 7:30.

Feeling under the weather all week, congested and with sinus headache, I fell asleep while sitting up in my bed reading a book. I wake up at 11:45 pm. I go in the living room, and there sits said boy, watching television.

“What are you still doing here?!?!?!” (my daughter is sound asleep).

“I don’t know.”

“Who exactly do you live with?”

“My Grandma.”

He gets his coat on, grabs his backpack, and starts heading out the door.

“What are you doing?!?!?!?”

“Walking home.”

Uh, the hell you are, it’s freaking midnight.”

Sad Kid Image

azloraimt.deviantart.com 

Anyhow, to make a long story short; I know; too late: I drop him off at a home with 3 cars in the driveway, lights on, front door is locked, he walks around the back, not to be seen again. Now I don’t know if he got in the house, and this isn’t a great neighborhood. I am not about to knock on the front door, walk around the back, or continue to sit in my vehicle in the middle of the road.

I was so stressed and upset about the well-being of this boy when I got back home that I had to take a Xanax just to calm the hell down and try to get back to sleep. I barely slept, and woke up still worrying.

I cannot imagine what kind of life this 13 year old boy has that he can be gone from his home at midnight, and there is not one single person who cares enough about him to be looking for him, texting him, anything.

It absolutely breaks my heart. What the hell have we become as a society? There are parents who don’t care about their kids any longer, and can’t be bothered to take care of them. We are failing our children. The responsibility falls on the grandparents so very often, and they lack the resources, room, energy, and likely knowledge of this new digital social media world we are in now.

This one incident has pushed me in the direction of seeing what kind of resources are available in my community, and what I can do to help.

I don’t Know What the Hell I Expected…

Published November 15, 2017 by Angela

…eventually going to bed at 3:30 pm in the afternoon will have me waking up for my day before 1 am… still not sorry though

Monday I went to bed at 3:30 pm, and basically slept all the way through until 4 am Tuesday morning. I got up periodically for the obligatory check the teenager, feed the cats, hack my lungs up, and drink water thanks to the 4 week old scratchy throat that won’t go away.

It worked so well Monday, I figured I would try it Tuesday. Now it is Wednesday and I have been up since 12:something am. Still feeling good, but things may start to get ugly this afternoon. Now the dilemma is, go to church tonight, be extremely tired and likely not very pleasant, or stay home and do my best to NOT go to bed before 8 pm. It’s all up in the air. I will have to see how my day progresses.

And this has got to be the shittiest thing about depression…not wanting to do one single thing, and not caring that you don’t.

If it ain't one thing meme image