…sounds pretty simple, yes? Apparently not for me. I am the
Queen of excuses, the Ruler of Starting
Tomorrows, and the Mother of Procrastination. I have an excuse for
everything, most times two. There is always a good reason to start tomorrow.
And we all know tomorrow never comes.
But today is here, and I am blessed and grateful to have it. It is a gift; and it is a gift I will not waste. I will do something positive for someone else today. I will do something positive for me. I will thank God throughout the day for giving me this day.
Focusing on the positives I have in my life, and I have so
very many, may be just what I need to keep the anxiety and panic attacks at
bay. That means I have to choose to not get angry about things outside of my
control, or get frustrated with the people around me. That means choosing to be
a better me. Which is completely in my control. I choose to be happy today. I
choose to be grateful today. I choose to live this day to the fullest. Do you
have goals for your day? May it be full of your greatest blessings!
Yes, I am a bit late with my resolutions, but I also find too much pressure with keeping resolutions that I set for January 1st. So I need to get into the rhythm of a normal schedule after many days off from work over the holidays, and then I can focus on what I need to fix.
And boy, do I need to fix a LOT of things… 2018 was a very
difficult year for me, on many fronts. I was certainly grateful to put it
behind me, but now my 2019 is not starting off on the strong front I was hoping
for. But that does not mean that starting today it can’t.
My anxiety has been absolutely horrible, and every day is a battle to not have a panic attack. The depression is just as bad, and with the long, cold, sunless Michigan days that we have for 4 months straight, I have no desire or motivation to do anything.
I have to change my daily routine after work. I need to get
out of the house, go to the gym, somewhere outdoors when the weather allows;
anything but sit in the house. Thinking. Thinking about what I should be doing
with my life, instead of actually doing it.
Things have to change; I fear my life depends on it. It very
well might. I will get through these first couple of hurdles, and then next up
will be talking through the other big issues affecting my life.
When I spend time in my Bible, I feel calm, peaceful, safe.
It is a wonderful place to be.
Until next time…….Blessings for you and yours, make this year your best. This is going to be Day One, no more One Day.
As much as I complain about Michigan, and it is a lot, I am lucky to live less than 10 minutes from this beautiful lake. There are so many wonderful parks around us, and my girls and I spend a lot of time at them. The leaves are pretty much completely changed and already falling off the trees; this is not the long Autumn season I was hoping for. I am absolutely dreading Winter, especially after the triple ankle break in January and 11 weeks trapped in my house 😦 If you did not have the pleasure of seeing that horrible image, you can check out the post here: Well Doesn’t This Just Suck…
I am getting an opener put on my garage door today, and still have to buy a snowblower. I have not gotten my front steps fixed that I slipped down, but everyone knows to not use my front door.
So on a happier note, here are some sunset pictures. Up next; what has been going on with me and my 2 youngest daughters; the 14 year old the only one at home and pushing all my buttons 🙂
It may sound like a weakness, but for me, it seems to be the strongest thing I can ever do. I also need to be clear that this is not “giving up”! I believe admitting defeat, and giving up, are two very different things. Only by admitting defeat can I begin to heal and fix the things that are wrong in my life. When I don’t face the fact that I am defeated, I keep behaving in the same manner as I have been, which gets me absolutely no where besides back in the same spot I was the day before.
If I were giving up, I would not even be trying. I am trying. I am trying with everything I have, but I also know I cannot do this alone. God is and will continue to walk this journey with me in my life. Communicating with friends and family members brings comfort to my anxious heart, and lets them know what I am experiencing.
I have to embrace the one-day-at-a-time mentality, and it has to begin today. As I stated in an earlier blog post, I am really good at saying…”tomorrow; I’ll start tomorrow”, and how I am going to run out of tomorrows. So now it is my today. This day. My tomorrow’s now will consist of both fantastic days, and very difficult days. I know this, expect this, and embrace it. I have to. If I want to move forward, and start living the wonderful, beautiful life that God put me here for, I have to, and will, accept the bad right along with the good. I have many dreams that I want to accomplish in my life, and only by healing myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually will I accomplish this.
Maybe soon I will be brave enough to discuss my demons as well 😊
…and looking like I have it together on the outside. It seems to be how I have been living my life as of late. Although it works, it is certainly not ideal. While I am one to keep my business to myself (well, except for blogging about it LOL!), it can be important that others recognize I have anxiety. How do I know if they are wondering why I am being exceptionally quiet, or seem especially stressed out? I have had people ask me if I am doing okay when I am being very quiet. So they see it. Everyone sees it.
It is not that I am hiding it, or embarrassed, or ashamed; I just have always been a very private person. Talking helps. I know it helps immediately alleviate the anxiety for me, because when I am communicating, I don’t have time to focus on the anxiety.
courtesy of Meme.xyz
All four of my daughters have inherited my anxiety issues. It is a difficult thing to watch them go through, but it also makes me more determined to find good ways to manage it, so I can lead by setting a good example. I need to learn to focus on all of the things in my life I have been blessed with, and there are so very many, and stop putting all of my attention on the things that aren’t so good.
I need to manage my self-care better, and eat the right foods, and take my supplements, and get moving more! This is where I always say…I’ll start tomorrow… knowing tomorrow never gets here. I will run out of tomorrows, so it has got to be TODAY!
Easy to say, and hard to do! I absolutely take it one-day-at-a-time! Sometimes, it is an hour at a time.
What are your go-to tricks to calm your anxiety when it hits you out of the blue? Do you have something that works every single time, or is it hit-and-miss?
…I have been working through the things I need to do for myself, and my girls, to make this new start of the year go smoothly, and in the best possible fashion for my new Freshman. I have always viewed the beginning of the school year as a start of a “new year” for myself as well. It is a time to get new schedules put in place, new goals to work on, and I get to enjoy the most beautiful time of the year, Autumn in Michigan, and High School Football. My girls going to the school with the most winning football team in Michigan history makes the football games unbelievably exciting! Always having one of my girls in the Marching Band is a wonderful bonus as well!
My 17 year old is now also back with me for the majority of the time, which I am over the Moon about, but it definitely throws another dynamic in the picture. She is out of school, so I need to make sure she stays on a schedule herself, which can certainly be a struggle with her 😊 We are working on what is next for her, and what opportunities are available, and what she may need to work on to achieve her goals.
Now I get to figure out how to get and keep myself on track. I honestly feel like for the last month or so I have been completely off the rails. Not in a destructive way, per se, but I certainly am not eating as healthy as I had been for the previous couple of months, and I feel like I have too many pans in the fire, and I need to get something in place to manage everything. It is certainly possible with good organization and determination on my part. When I have those days though, where I don’t want to get out of bed, I have no motivation, or my anxiety has come to roost, it is hard to get anything done, or even think about anything.
I can wake up feeling fantastic and motivated to conquer the world, but it quickly disappears. Once I start working on a project, even if it is cleaning the house or doing dishes, I feel fantastic once I start and then get it finished. It is just so hard sometimes to even get started. This is where I definitely need to just push myself to get up and do something!
How to you handle the new school year if you have kids in school? Do you find it exciting, or frustrating?