It may sound like a weakness, but for me, it seems to be the strongest thing I can ever do. I also need to be clear that this is not “giving up”! I believe admitting defeat, and giving up, are two very different things. Only by admitting defeat can I begin to heal and fix the things that are wrong in my life. When I don’t face the fact that I am defeated, I keep behaving in the same manner as I have been, which gets me absolutely no where besides back in the same spot I was the day before.
If I were giving up, I would not even be trying. I am trying. I am trying with everything I have, but I also know I cannot do this alone. God is and will continue to walk this journey with me in my life. Communicating with friends and family members brings comfort to my anxious heart, and lets them know what I am experiencing.
I have to embrace the one-day-at-a-time mentality, and it has to begin today. As I stated in an earlier blog post, I am really good at saying…”tomorrow; I’ll start tomorrow”, and how I am going to run out of tomorrows. So now it is my today. This day. My tomorrow’s now will consist of both fantastic days, and very difficult days. I know this, expect this, and embrace it. I have to. If I want to move forward, and start living the wonderful, beautiful life that God put me here for, I have to, and will, accept the bad right along with the good. I have many dreams that I want to accomplish in my life, and only by healing myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually will I accomplish this.
Maybe soon I will be brave enough to discuss my demons as well 😊
I did not sleep very well last night, and woke up with a very sore back. But my cat alerted me to the 4 deer in our front yard, and it was a wonderful site to see at such an early hour. I am grateful I was awake for it.
I have been grumbling for 5 days about a flooded basement in my new home. It is time to realize my good fortune, and be grateful that I had the ability as a single parent to buy this house for my family.
I wake up most mornings wishing I could sleep a little longer, and not have to go to work. But I will always be grateful for the wonderful job I have had for over 20 years, that has done so much for me, and provided for my family. Many are struggling to find full time employment that will support themselves and their families.
I’ve been spending months complaining about the 50 lbs of weight I have managed to gain over the last two years; yet I make no conscious effort to change that. I have a rowing machine being delivered tomorrow, and am grateful that I am able to exercise and get myself feeling better, and healthier.
I am grateful to have the choice to choose healthy food for myself and my family, when so many have little to no food at all. My cure all for everything that ails me? Honey with the comb, which fits great in these tiny Ball jars to take to work!
I am grateful for so many things every single day; but it is not often enough that I take inventory of those things.
…which was yesterday…. YIKES… good grief I have got to be stronger, more patient, slow down, open my ears, and close my mouth. I am not trying to feel discouraged that day 2 was a total bust, and that I should just go back to Day 1. Lesson(s) learned.
So my Day 3 is going better, and I am hoping for a quiet, uneventful night at home after I get out of work. This should be fairly simple to accomplish, as I intend on getting dinner on the way home from work, and doing absolutely nothing else besides reading or crosswords.
From my morning reading of “Hands Free Life”, by Rachel Macy Stafford:
“The next time you yearn to fill the spaces of your life and be all there, try using the visual image of physically removing the heavy clock from around your neck. Feel the weight being lifted off your chest as you give yourself permission to be in one place and one place only. Remind yourself these are the spaces where real living occurs and you have every right to devote time and attention to the most important spaces of life” (Stafford, 2015, pg. 42).
I know I have a very difficult time relaxing, especially when I see things around me that need to be done. I feel guilty when I am doing “nothing”, and I need to start seeing my down-time as when I can relax, recharge, and get myself balanced. It is okay to not get everything done at once.
I am sure I will be telling myself this every day for a very, very long time until I master this one task that seems so easy, yet is so very hard for me.
…I feel so unprepared for it to be here, already! I have been looking forward to this for months, and now I feel like I am not ready. Easter truly is my favorite time of year, and I have so many things I want to get accomplished. I also have so many things going on right now, I am already afraid I will not be able to enjoy this time of year as much as I had hoped, and planned.
I am already going to miss our Ash Wednesday service at church as my 17-year old has a band concert tonight. I can live with that, although I had hoped to go. I have not made any decisions on giving up / doing something for others for Lent.
I am trying to focus on definitely spending time in the Word, appreciating this season for what it is meant for, and bettering myself as not only a Mom, and a friend, but as a Godly Woman. Kind of a tall order for someone who is unprepared, right?
So tomorrow I am going to make sure to read the Scripture, and set aside time every day during the Easter season to do so. My Accounting class that started today will just have to make room for both of these things in my schedule 🙂
I am planning quite an extravagant Easter weekend and dinner, so that is definitely something I am looking forward to and get to plan.
Do you and your family have Easter traditions, new or old, that help you celebrate this great holiday season?
For quite some time now, I have been praying for God to please help me with my patience. Okay. My lack of patience, which is generally a horrible problem for me. Most times I can cope fairly well, but when it is bad, it is really, really bad. When I seem to have 10 things to do and only time for 5, or I need to be in more than one place at the same time (this happens so much to me!), I get short on patience and long on anger.
Well of course I am going to have situations that test my patience, I keep asking God for just that thing. So since I am fully aware of what is going on, why can’t I deal with it better? Why can’t I take a deep breath, exhale, hold my tongue, and examine the situation for what it is? Take the situation in as a whole, divide it up into pieces, and work on one thing at a time, because that is really all any of us are capable of doing.
Instead, I immediately lose my patience, and Lord help anyone who is in the way of my words. I don’t yell or swear, but I certainly do not talk in a calm, helping manner. I feel mean, I feel upset that I can lose my cool that fast. I feel like this major character flaw I have is getting the best of me, at the worst of times. So, what do you do when you get exactly what you ask for?
Make the best of it. See it for what it is. An opportunity to improve, grow, change. To be a better you. To show a better you.
Don’t ask for something if you are not truly prepared to handle it. I am ready to handle it. In the worst situations, I can be at my best.