…at it’s best. No filters; just what I saw as I was killing time and reading a Nancy Drew book 🙂
…after four days in the hospital I have now been home for 6 days. It has been going smoothly for the most part, except for Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday I had a slight breakdown and couldn’t stop crying. I’ve no idea what brought it on, but I got calmed down. Only to fall a little while later, which brought on breakdown # 2. I didn’t hurt my ankle at all, thank goodness, but I did pull some abdominal muscles. I was scared that I did something internally but iced it and it calmed down. Then Thursday I had another meltdown, which took awhile to get under control. When I left the hospital I was told to not take my daily meds until I talked to my doctor. Which means I have been off my Prozac for 6 days now, and am sure that is contributing to me being an emotional mess. I have a call in to my doctor to make sure I can start taking them again, but am still waiting for a call back.
My abdomen has been hurting all last night and this morning, and I am praying it does not get any worse before I get to the surgeons on Monday. If there is one thing I am good at, it is stressing myself out😔 Such as I have been stressing since I came home last Saturday about how I am safely going to get down the ramp my brother built to get to my appointment Monday. I do have a couple people lined up to be here along with my friend who is taking me, to make sure I safely get in the car.
I have been alone during the day while my 13 year old is at school, so I try to sleep to avoid needing to get up to use the bathroom more than is absolutely necessary. She has a half day today, as well as Monday and Tuesday. After my appointment Monday I will have a better idea of how my ankle is healing and will get confirmation that my abdomen is okay.
Puzzle books and documentaries have been getting me through, as well as a lot of conversations with God. I am so not used to being helpless like this, and when I get anxious prayer certainly helps calm me down. I have had friends bringing food as well as other things I need, and it amazes me the wonderful circle of friends I have.
My 13 year old has been beyond wonderful, and it brings tears to my eyes watching her be so caring of me and my needs. She messages me from school to see how I am doing as well as making sure I take my pills on time.
It is definitely the times of trials and hardships that you learn what you are made of!
… well, hoping my oldest runs to the library for me while she is spending the weekend with me. I wonder if there is a limit on how many books can be checked out? I’ve been continuing the Nancy Drew series and I can literally read 4 or 5 of those a day if that is all I was reading. But I do have other things to read as well 😊
As far as I know my surgery went well. The surgeon didn’t come and see me at all yesterday after I got back to my room. I have been here all alone as well so I don’t even know how long the surgery took. They had to put a metal plate and screws in as I broke 3 different ankle bones. I definitely have a long and painful road ahead of me.
My oldest daughter will be picking me up today and spending the weekend with me, so I’m a happy girl about that.
Trying to not stress about the fact that I have no idea what I am going to do Monday when she is back home and my 13 year old has school all morning and afternoon.
Definitely looking forward to getting home, seeing my cats, and being in my own bed!
…which was yesterday…. YIKES… good grief I have got to be stronger, more patient, slow down, open my ears, and close my mouth. I am not trying to feel discouraged that day 2 was a total bust, and that I should just go back to Day 1. Lesson(s) learned.
So my Day 3 is going better, and I am hoping for a quiet, uneventful night at home after I get out of work. This should be fairly simple to accomplish, as I intend on getting dinner on the way home from work, and doing absolutely nothing else besides reading or crosswords.
From my morning reading of “Hands Free Life”, by Rachel Macy Stafford:
“The next time you yearn to fill the spaces of your life and be all there, try using the visual image of physically removing the heavy clock from around your neck. Feel the weight being lifted off your chest as you give yourself permission to be in one place and one place only. Remind yourself these are the spaces where real living occurs and you have every right to devote time and attention to the most important spaces of life” (Stafford, 2015, pg. 42).
I know I have a very difficult time relaxing, especially when I see things around me that need to be done. I feel guilty when I am doing “nothing”, and I need to start seeing my down-time as when I can relax, recharge, and get myself balanced. It is okay to not get everything done at once.
I am sure I will be telling myself this every day for a very, very long time until I master this one task that seems so easy, yet is so very hard for me.
…and I am still enjoying it. Waking up in the morning, drinking coffee in bed, reading books, and watching mindless Netflix. Napping in the afternoon, not having to cook food, take someone somewhere, go anywhere unless if I choose to, and making being lazy an art form.
I am missing my girls, and truly hoping, and praying several times a day, that they are enjoying themselves, and are okay. I am not going to pretend it is easy having them away for so long, but I am making sure I use up every moment to do the little things I do not ordinarily get to enjoy. Meaning, doing a whole bunch of nothing.
I have to do the Scripture readings at my church’s early service tomorrow, I have a dinner date with my boyfriend and oldest daughter tomorrow or Monday, and a visit to a friend’s house on Monday afternoon. Other than that, I have absolutely nothing I have to do, and no where I need to be, before I return to work on Monday, January 5th.
I am most definitely going to use this time to get myself in a great place feeling rested, relaxed, and recharged. I hope you are able to get some type of personal break as well, and get recharged and ready for the new year. I have BIG things planned for myself and my girls for 2015, and I cannot wait to share that with all of you!
I was certainly expecting some snow by the first day of Winter in West Michigan, considering right after Halloween we had a week of horrible storms, several inches of snow, and enough Blizzards that schools and businesses were closed.
So I was up early, as usual, and since I have not been out lately to get any pictures, I figured it would be a good day to go see what I could find.
It was freezing cold out, literally at 32 degrees F, and I am pretty sure I destroyed one of my favorite pairs of shoes when I was looking through the lens, and not at the water, and the waves nearly knocked me off my feet when they came roaring in well above my ankles.
I will definitely be wearing the rain boots the next time I venture out this Winter. Once the snow is significant enough, the roads down at the lake are all closed and I will not be able to get anywhere near it. There are definitely both ups, and downs, about living less than 10 minutes from Lake Michigan.
Hoping your Sunday is warm, and full of Blessings and Happiness! I plan on doing not a whole lot more than reading 🙂
12 hours of sleep straight, only waking up when my kitty thought he needed some attention, has me feeling much better now than I have for the past 4 days. Being a 3rd shift worker and having 9 days off from work is not something I generally look forward to. I rarely have (or willingly take) more than a couple days off in a row. When I am off, I try to maintain my sleep schedule by staying up all night, and sleeping during the day.
A girl’s day yesterday with my 4 daughter’s pretty much pushed me to the limit. I did not feel good eating lunch at Red Robin, I slept through the movie Maleficent, and the several hour mall shopping spree had me at my wit’s end. I kept explaining to them that I just physically did not feel good (they know being off my schedule literally makes me ill), and had to keep apologizing for my lack of patience. I could slowly feel myself turning into one of those parents that make me cringe when I see how they talk to or treat their children. I did not get quite to that point, but I certainly was on my way.
So after all of that sleep, and 4 full days still off from work, I already know I am going to fall asleep for a couple hours, waking up at 2am, wide awake and starving, and be up until about 8am when I am so exhausted I have to go back to bed. I am glad that I do not have anything scheduled or planned that I can’t do around my odd-ball schedule, but I feel like I am missing out on time with my girls; even though we are all physically sitting in the same room right now (minus one), and one is on their laptop, one is on their phone, one is watching television, and I am waiting for a cake to cool so I can frost it.
I also am looking at a whole lot of stuff sitting around that I need to get sorted and taken care of, and have no motivation for that either. So I think I am going to call it a day, eat a piece of cake, and start reading “The Silkworm”, J. K. Rowling’s second book in the Cormoran Strike series (written under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith).
What are your plans as we get closer to the Fourth of July?
Do you remember my 2014 to-do list? I certainly do! I have been thinking about it for the past almost 3 months, and I have definitely made some improvements! Here’s my list if you want to check out my some-what lofty goals. https://parenthoodandotherhorrorstories.com/2014/01/02/my-2014-to-do-list/
So, what have I worked on, and what do I still need to do?
1) I am going to church a lot more than I did last year. And not just because Erin’s confirmation classes moved from Wednesday night’s during WOW to Sunday mornings between services 🙂 I have went when Erin has decided to skip her classes. I actually read the verses this weekend which is the first time I have done this and I loved it! I can’t participate in activities as much as I would like to, but I do what I can.
2) Of course the more I am going to church, the more I am tithing. It feels good, but I have yet to reach that “give-till-it-hurts” level. Honestly, that is a scary thing for me! But, I have more than doubled my weekly tithing from what I was doing (I am not saying that for bragging rights of any kind, and I find it kind of rude that I am mentioning it, but it was on my list, and I got better! So I will not be bringing this one up again!)
3) Stop swearing. OK, this has gotten a LOT better. Really. But I wonder if the fact that I am still often thinking the words in my head means I have gotten no where? Taste your words before you speak them, right? I am still working on this, but I can say that my swearing is down to maybe a couple times a week; HUGE improvement. I’ll deal with the thinking-the-words issue later.
4) Stop yelling. Yep, much better as well. I do not yell at my kids when they get me frustrated or don’t listen to me. I tend to just yell when I am upstairs, and they are in the living room or kitchen trying to have a conversation with me. What do I yell? “I can’t hear you. Come here so I know what you are saying!” Kind of ironic, huh?
5) Make and take some “me” time. Nope, not yet. Not really, anyways. I did have one weekend away without my kids this year, and am trying to plan another one. Generally I work 7 days a week if I can, and my college classes keep me busy. But I do still get my recreational reading in. And as soon as it gets above 40 degrees here in Michigan, I am going to the greenhouse for plants.
6) Patience. Yeah. I can say I have gotten nowhere with this one. I pray a lot. For patience. And forgiveness for my lack of patience. Really.
7) Exercise. LOL
8) Read the Bible. Not good here either. I have started 2 different plans, and the reminders daily that I have not got my reading done yet irritated me, so I deleted the plans. However, I do a bible study every Tuesday and with what we read in Church on Sundays and at WOW on Wednesdays, I’m getting some reading in. Yeah, I’m stretching that one.
9) Improve my photography skills. Hmm. Haven’t had my camera out of the camera bag for months. NEXT…..
10) Allow myself to be happy! Yes, I am feeling good, great in fact. College is going good, work is going good, life is going good. Of course there are still numerous bumps in the road, but I am for the most part; Happy!
How are you doing on your to-do list?
I think UPS has just given up 😦 The 3-day delivery on my Nook HD+ will be here in 7 days. Not angry, UPS and FedEx employees have jobs I would not ever want to do. Very sorry they are taking so much heat; I have to think that all of the customers out there being nasty have never made a mistake in their lives, EVER.
Personally, my girls could have used some time on Christmas morning with gifts missing from under the tree to focus on the real reason for the season; A gift that could never be wrapped!
With 2 of my girls gone for the next several days, and they also happen to be my two fighters 🙂 I literally feel lost as to what to do with myself. I am not used to this much quiet, so my own home is feeling quite alien to me. I am also still off work for several days yet, so this is my time to get things caught up so I can start 2014 on the right foot. And I am super-excited for what this coming year will have in store for me and mine 🙂
Do you have resolutions in mind that you are going to put in place?
The homeschooling Plan A didn’t work out too well for Erin and I. Plan B was an utter failure. So today I am implementing Plan C. I think I have figured out all of her tricks, excuses, and games, and I got two steps ahead of her.
I have to say, she is an extremely smart 7th grader, who spent the last 3 years of public school being bullied and fighting with me daily about going to school. I have talked to more teachers, counselors, mediators, police officers, and truancy officers, only to be threatened with jail, fines, and paying $50.00 every day my daughter didn’t go to school.
Hence, she said this summer “Mom, if I go to school I am going to be harassed, and bored.” So here we are. Homeschooling. She is also doing very, very well considering she is getting going everyday on her own (my work schedule currently offers me no other options). At night we do her math and science together, and anything she didn’t understand.
The problem became she was not doing simple assignments that I knew she was more than capable of doing, telling me she didn’t understand it, but also didn’t remember what it was she didn’t understand. Clever, huh?
So her new rules are if she has any questions, she has to write them down for me so I can read and understand what she is asking. For every assignment she completes, she will get 15 minutes of supervised computer time. For every assignment she doesn’t complete when I know she could, she will lose 15 minutes, even if she is currently at zero. (This girl loves to play plants vs. zombies).
I told her I will help her 6 hours a night if necessary, as long as I know she tried her best.
I also told her I love her, that she is smart, funny, clever, beautiful, talented, and important and she and I together can do this.
So here’s to crossing my fingers and hoping this is the motivation she needed.