single parents

All posts tagged single parents

The More Things Change…

Published April 22, 2015 by Angela

…the more they really do stay the same. Such as parenting. In my case; single parenting. I have been a single parent longer than I haven’t, so it really is the only way of life I know.

As each child grows up and sets new goals, and reaches new milestones, it seems there is another coming right behind them and I get the re-runs of what the first (or second, or third!) one did, with the next one doing the same exact things, only with their own style and flair.

My fourth daughter will never, EVER be able to get anything past me. Not only have her 3 older sisters done and said it all, I remember I basically did the same things myself to my parents when I was growing up.

They do grow up, and move out, and get jobs, but they are still every bit as important to me, and I do not worry one bit less about them as they go from being my little girl to being an adult.

I would be lying if I said I was not anxious to have my kids grown and out of the house. And I try not to lie. Does that make me a bad mom? I know some who think that it does. But when your entire life revolves around your children; their wants, their needs, their achievements, and their failures, you do start to forget what it was you were supposed to be doing with your life. When you do it as a single parent (a single parent who has children that do not visit their father for more than 5 days over Christmas each year), you do sometimes feel like you are drowning in what everyone else wants and needs.

What were the goals I had when I was their ages? I honestly do not remember anymore.

When was the last day that I did not have to take someone somewhere, pick someone up, or have extra kids in my house? It has been so long, I don’t remember that either.

I know I need to take time for myself, and it is not like I don’t try to do just that. But by the time I get done taking care of the responsibilities I have as a parent, there is no time left for me.

Do I love my girls? More than anything! Do I regret having children? Not for a second. But that does not make me a bad person or mother because I am anxiously awaiting my empty nest 🙂

I also get told all the time that I will look back on this time and regret wishing my girls would grow up. Honestly, they are spaced 13 years apart from oldest to youngest, so mathematically, by the time the youngest one is out of the house, I will be well beyond ready for my empty nest.

My oldest is graduating from college in 3 days; I love her, and she was honestly the best behaved out of my four girls, but that certainly does not mean I wish she was 6 years old again. Or 12, or 15.

Thanks, but no thanks. That’s what memories are for; and I will have a heart full to think about, in my empty nest, all peaceful and quiet.

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How Am I Doing On My 2014 To-Do List?

Published March 24, 2014 by Angela

Do you remember my 2014 to-do list? I certainly do! I have been thinking about it for the past almost 3 months, and I have definitely made some improvements! Here’s my list if you want to check out my some-what lofty goals. https://parenthoodandotherhorrorstories.com/2014/01/02/my-2014-to-do-list/

So, what have I worked on, and what do I still need to do?

1) I am going to church a lot more than I did last year. And not just because Erin’s confirmation classes moved from Wednesday night’s during WOW to Sunday mornings between services 🙂 I have went when Erin has decided to skip her classes. I actually read the verses this weekend which is the first time I have done this and I loved it! I can’t participate in activities as much as I would like to, but I do what I can.

2) Of course the more I am going to church, the more I am tithing. It feels good, but I have yet to reach that “give-till-it-hurts” level. Honestly, that is a scary thing for me! But, I have more than doubled my weekly tithing from what I was doing (I am not saying that for bragging rights of any kind, and I find it kind of rude that I am mentioning it, but it was on my list, and I got better! So I will not be bringing this one up again!)

3) Stop swearing. OK, this has gotten a LOT better. Really. But I wonder if the fact that I am still often thinking the words in my head means I have gotten no where? Taste your words before you speak them, right? I am still working on this, but I can say that my swearing is down to maybe a couple times a week; HUGE improvement. I’ll deal with the thinking-the-words issue later.  

4) Stop yelling. Yep, much better as well. I do not yell at my kids when they get me frustrated or don’t listen to me. I tend to just yell when I am upstairs, and they are in the living room or kitchen trying to have a conversation with me. What do I yell? “I can’t hear you. Come here so I know what you are saying!” Kind of ironic, huh?

5) Make and take some “me” time. Nope, not yet. Not really, anyways. I did have one weekend away without my kids this year, and am trying to plan another one. Generally I work 7 days a week if I can, and my college classes keep me busy. But I do still get my recreational reading in. And as soon as it gets above 40 degrees here in Michigan, I am going to the greenhouse for plants.

6) Patience. Yeah. I can say I have gotten nowhere with this one. I pray a lot. For patience. And forgiveness for my lack of patience. Really.

7) Exercise. LOL

8) Read the Bible. Not good here either. I have started 2 different plans, and the reminders daily that I have not got my reading done yet irritated me, so I deleted the plans. However, I do a bible study every Tuesday and with what we read in Church on Sundays and at WOW on Wednesdays, I’m getting some reading in. Yeah, I’m stretching that one.

9) Improve my photography skills. Hmm. Haven’t had my camera out of the camera bag for months. NEXT…..

10) Allow myself to be happy! Yes, I am feeling good, great in fact. College is going good, work is going good, life is going good. Of course there are still numerous bumps in the road, but I am for the most part; Happy!

How are you doing on your to-do list?

Back To Reality – Well, By About 50% So Far!

Published January 2, 2014 by Angela

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What a wonderful, relaxing Christmas break I have had. Normally I do not look forward to time off from work (it does nothing more than mess with my sleep schedule and turn me into “not-so-nice-Mommy-anymore!”)

And being the 1st of January, and technically the 2nd for me being a shift worker, I get to go back to work tonight. I am feeling pretty good about this, and not dreading it like most people do.

 

Why is this only back to reality by 50%? Because I am still 2 children short until this upcoming weekend, and it has been like this since the day after Christmas. I have to be completely honest here, my 2 children that are with their father are the same 2 children who have been fighting with each other, and everyone else, non-stop for the past month. My 15 year old didn’t want to go, so while she has been home and not hanging out with her friends, we have had some bonding time, and complete peace and quiet in our house.

Don’t get me wrong, I do miss my girls. But I am liking the peace and quiet right now more than I am missing them. Yes, I know that makes me a bad Mom and I should be crying over the fact that my girls have been gone for a week now. What you need to understand to put this in perspective, or at least in my point of view, is that I never have peace and quiet here. My children never leave to go with their Dad. The last time before now that he has seen them? April. Spring break when I physically dropped them off and picked them back up. Or he wouldn’t have seen them at that time either.

No, I’m not bashing my ex. It is what it is and honestly, I am glad that I do not have to communicate with him on a regular basis, it makes life a lot easier for me and my girls (they agree on this point, hence, one of them not even wanting to go).

So I think I have 3 or 4 more days of this quiet, argument-free environment before they come back home. And I will hug them, and kiss them, and tell them how much I love them and missed them (Yes, I really do miss them!). And then I am going to try to put into place something; anything that will help everyone get along better without the bickering over completely mute issues.

I am looking forward to making this 2014 year a wonderful one for me and my family, even without resolutions being made.

Have you made any resolutions?

You Ate WHAT For Lunch?

Published November 21, 2013 by Angela

I can understand the cheeseburger that Erin fried up, even the scrambled eggs she had (hopefully for breakfast), but I cannot fathom what she did with the rest of ALL of my eggs that she hard-boiled. I am talking about an 18 pack of eggs. Let’s say she was really hungry (she is a growing 12-year-old) she could reasonably eat 3-4 scrambled eggs. I mean, we all know eggs shrink by ½ once they are scrambled, right? But what she did with the other 14 eggs that she says she hard-boiled is beyond me. She does not like egg-salad, or the egg yolks in boiled eggs, but she will eat deviled eggs. Yes, it makes no sense. But it is what it is.

I was actually more concerned that she possibly did eat an extraordinary amount of eggs, and was looking at her sideways all of last night for any excessive flushing of the face, or nausea, or anything else that would indicate she was having a protein/cholesterol overload.

What is even more scary, is that she did not eat all of these eggs, and they are still in my house, somewhere, and I will likely discover them a day past their “beyond ripe and smelling” expiration date.

So today, I am making her a PB & J sandwich, putting some chips in a bag, and apple and a yogurt, a couple small pieces of chocolate, and hoping she finds it sufficient and doesn’t decide to cook the turkey in my freezer for a snack between lunch and dinner.

I’m not kidding folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried 🙂