I have been fighting for decades; raising 4 daughters alone. My oldest, who got married today; her Dad is amazing and we have a great relationship.
But I am dealing with my heart bursting, proud beyond belief, and I have some crazy stories for you all in a minute!
Lately it seems like for every step forward, I am taking 4 steps backwards. I really wish that was an exaggeration, but sadly, it isn’t. I feel like everything is spinning out of control, and I am not sure when it started, and how to stop it. I always have great intentions, and feel fantastic that I am going to get my life on track. Then by day 3, I am totally off the rails again.
I really need to ask myself “What do I really want to do with myself, and my life”…and then just do it! Could it really be a fear of change that has me stuck in this place I can’t escape? Now I’m not talking anything crazy like leaving my job I’ve had for over 20 years (and yes, I really do love me job!) or uprooting myself and my kids and moving somewhere else. But I have more than enough time in a day (especially since I only get a couple hours sleep a night) to do many other things. Finish that book I started writing? Creating a new painting? Take a class somewhere? The options, and opportunities, are endless. If only I would take them.
I have finally reached the end of the road for homeschooling, Thank Goodness! I have been living 6 months in my new home, with 3 of my girls, 3 cats, a hamster, a rabbit, and some fish. Things are really going good in almost every aspect of my life…except for my self-image, and how I am taking care of myself not taking very good care of myself.
I really am my own worst enemy, and it needs to stop, and it is going to stop today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I will find the courage to discuss exactly how I let my life go off the rails, but for now I am completely convinced that this day, July 7, 2017, is going to be my personal Independence Day. Independence from the negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
…and I am still enjoying it. Waking up in the morning, drinking coffee in bed, reading books, and watching mindless Netflix. Napping in the afternoon, not having to cook food, take someone somewhere, go anywhere unless if I choose to, and making being lazy an art form.
I am missing my girls, and truly hoping, and praying several times a day, that they are enjoying themselves, and are okay. I am not going to pretend it is easy having them away for so long, but I am making sure I use up every moment to do the little things I do not ordinarily get to enjoy. Meaning, doing a whole bunch of nothing.
I have to do the Scripture readings at my church’s early service tomorrow, I have a dinner date with my boyfriend and oldest daughter tomorrow or Monday, and a visit to a friend’s house on Monday afternoon. Other than that, I have absolutely nothing I have to do, and no where I need to be, before I return to work on Monday, January 5th.
I am most definitely going to use this time to get myself in a great place feeling rested, relaxed, and recharged. I hope you are able to get some type of personal break as well, and get recharged and ready for the new year. I have BIG things planned for myself and my girls for 2015, and I cannot wait to share that with all of you!
I hope I do, it is so important. They need to form their own thoughts!
I am beyond happy that my statistics class is over. It was difficult at times, but I have to say I am beyond pleased with myself on how well I did, and how much I learned and retained! I am now taking a class on Organizational Behavior, which appears to be a lot of paper writing in my very, very near future. I generally tend to enjoy these types of classes, once I get that tedious issue of citing and referencing taken care of. This will be my chance to check out the Perrla software that I purchased, and see if it actually helps me. I kind of messed with it a little bit when I first installed it on my computer, and I can’t say I was thrilled with it, but I will definitely give it the good once-over this weekend so I am comfortable with how to use it.
I was looking forward to a weekend of working (really, I was!) but that changed so now I am debating on what projects I want to get started on at home. The weather appears to finally be breaking in West Michigan; it sounds like only 1 day with a chance of snow in the upcoming week. I just hope it is warm enough that my girls can enjoy their spring break and not be stuck in the hosue because it is cold and rainy (and therefore, fighting, arguing, and keeping me awake, while simultaneously destroying the house).
Which also means I need to buy double the groceries this week. Ughhh. I don’t know how it is in your area, but here, every single type of grocery product has went up a huge amount in price over the last month. One week, I paid $2.54 for a gallon of milk; 6 days later, the same brand was $3.08 for a gallon. I have noticed at least a $0.50 increase on the majority of things I buy every week. Liquid hand soap that was $3.49 for a large container, is now $3.99. I think I will be stocking up on toilet paper this week if that hasn’t went up yet!
So here’s to a great weekend of getting things done, and relaxing in-between, and sunshine and warmth, and a good book to read!
…and No I will not stop to the store to buy you your 12th pair.
How do you lose something that is literally stuck inside 2 orifices in your body? Do you not notice when you suddenly don’t hear the music that was blasting your eardrums a second ago?
You never take them out when I am talking to you, so I was assuming you just never took them out.
I lost a baton once; no one bought me a new one. I lost a pair of roller skates, too. That really sucked, but that was also about the time I quit leaving my stuff in places it didn’t belong. I would suggest you do the same. Honestly, I am thinking the damn headphones are in one of the pockets of those 2 pairs of jeans that you lost. Go figure.
LOL, not to that extent, but fair enough!
I have officially made it through my first week of college for my MBA. I have to be honest and say this is only a 3 week course, to go over the school policies and requirements for writing essays, with about 6 assignments due a week, and 2 quizzes. Then I have a short break before the real fun begins; Research and Statistics. Yep. That type of class. The last one made me cry on a daily basis, nearly have a nervous break-down, and almost give up on getting my BBA.
I’ve gotten over that though. I didn’t give up. I didn’t have a nervous break-down (I am honestly not exaggerating here, it WAS that bad for me). I am going into this next class with a positive, can-do attitude, and know if I keep the right attitude, the class will fly by.
That about sums it up!
One thing I have noticed in 7 days, is I have no time to blog. Keeping my two blogs is my evening (morning for most of you) relaxation and unwind time. It’s what I do when I get home from work and get the kiddo’s up and off to school. I dig into my bowl of chocolate candy sitting right next to my laptop (like that’s going to help me sleep!) Then it’s a movie in the DVD player, ear plugs in, eye mask on, and hopefully some sound sleep before the kids start coming home.
My nightly snack (not all at once!)
So until I figure out how to add college back into my schedule and not give up the things I enjoy, my postings may be few-and-far-between.
Here’s to higher education, and the things I willingly put myself through.
I have to have a positive attitude. That when it all goes wrong, it is really all going “right”. I am on a new journey of homeschooling for 1 out of 4 daughters. The books are on the way. $500.00 worth of “You will study and do this!” The desk is bought. The study area is set up. If I can go to college and get my degrees while raising girls, I can get one through homeschooling. I am scared, nervous, and unsure of what I am doing. But knowing I have no other options, I know her and I can make the best of this. Looking forward to getting the books and setting everything up.
parenthoodandotherhorrorstories 