Day 4 is starting out good, considering I could not get to sleep last night, and did not want to get up this morning. I did so much yesterday, I feel like doing absolutely nothing today other than getting my work day done.
I have been going from having bursts of energy and feeling great, to flipping right to feeling depressed, angry, and wanting to do nothing but stay in bed all day. I am hoping as the days progress, and my body starts healing, this will happen less.
What I know more than anything is that I cannot have another setback. I do not ever want to feel like I felt two days ago. I keep going through this time-after-time, and I am truly and finally fed up with it. I know it will be tough, and a huge struggle, but I also know I can do this!
Patience is key. Patience is what I do not, and have never, had. This could be the toughest obstacle for me. I can get angry in the blink of an eye. I am not proud of it, but I certainly won’t sugar-coat it either.
What do you do when you get fed up and prefer to not completely lose it on the person standing nearest to you?
…so let’s see how day three goes. (so far so good, as I managed to get out of bed!) Yesterday I never got out of bed, except to of course get food/water, use the facilities, and I did make brownies for my girls. Boxed brownies, and if I hadn’t wanted some myself, that probably would not have happened either.
I watched a few seasons of Cheers, played Townsmen (I LOVE that game!) on my nook, and did a whole lot of nothing else.
Today I managed to hit the gym by 7:30 am for a 1/2 hour on the elliptical, went and got some pictures of some flowers at the school nearby, showered, and ordered groceries! I would say today has been a success, especially compared to yesterday…
Truth be told, I would love to climb into bed right now and stay there, but I do have an appointment this afternoon, so I am going to upload and edit my pictures, and do some much-needed cleaning.
I hope yesterday was the worst day I am going to have as I continue getting healthy, because it really, really sucked.
And here’s hoping that your Sunday is relaxing, calm, and everything you wish it to be!
Lately it seems like for every step forward, I am taking 4 steps backwards. I really wish that was an exaggeration, but sadly, it isn’t. I feel like everything is spinning out of control, and I am not sure when it started, and how to stop it. I always have great intentions, and feel fantastic that I am going to get my life on track. Then by day 3, I am totally off the rails again.
I really need to ask myself “What do I really want to do with myself, and my life”…and then just do it! Could it really be a fear of change that has me stuck in this place I can’t escape? Now I’m not talking anything crazy like leaving my job I’ve had for over 20 years (and yes, I really do love me job!) or uprooting myself and my kids and moving somewhere else. But I have more than enough time in a day (especially since I only get a couple hours sleep a night) to do many other things. Finish that book I started writing? Creating a new painting? Take a class somewhere? The options, and opportunities, are endless. If only I would take them.
I have finally reached the end of the road for homeschooling, Thank Goodness! I have been living 6 months in my new home, with 3 of my girls, 3 cats, a hamster, a rabbit, and some fish. Things are really going good in almost every aspect of my life…except for my self-image, and how I am taking care of myself not taking very good care of myself.
I really am my own worst enemy, and it needs to stop, and it is going to stop today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I will find the courage to discuss exactly how I let my life go off the rails, but for now I am completely convinced that this day, July 7, 2017, is going to be my personal Independence Day. Independence from the negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Every time I post on this blog, it disappears when I publish it 😦 It does not happen with the 2 other blogs I run from here. I would like to say that I hope the changes WordPress made to their website would eliminate this issue, whatever it is. But since it just happened, again, I will take that as a big fat NO.
So, I am hoping these WordPress changes will not make that book I bought last year on how to use WordPress invalid. Because I was going to read it. This weekend. Really 🙂
School is winding down this week (for my girls, not me) and I hope they can behave as well as they did last year and let me sleep during the day. I also hope they do their chores and help around the house so I can lighten this load on my back a little bit.