Day 4 is starting out good, considering I could not get to sleep last night, and did not want to get up this morning. I did so much yesterday, I feel like doing absolutely nothing today other than getting my work day done.
I have been going from having bursts of energy and feeling great, to flipping right to feeling depressed, angry, and wanting to do nothing but stay in bed all day. I am hoping as the days progress, and my body starts healing, this will happen less.
What I know more than anything is that I cannot have another setback. I do not ever want to feel like I felt two days ago. I keep going through this time-after-time, and I am truly and finally fed up with it. I know it will be tough, and a huge struggle, but I also know I can do this!
Patience is key. Patience is what I do not, and have never, had. This could be the toughest obstacle for me. I can get angry in the blink of an eye. I am not proud of it, but I certainly won’t sugar-coat it either.
What do you do when you get fed up and prefer to not completely lose it on the person standing nearest to you?
I always seem to have a difficult time making very important decisions; never being able to stop asking myself, “but what if I did …”. The past year has been full of life changes for me. All for the positive, but never without stress and worry. I will be the first to admit that I overthink everything. Every single thing. At 42 years old, with a great career, family life, and good health, I still stress over making decisions.
Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again, when someone else would make the decisions for me. Then I wouldn’t be the one responsible when it didn’t work out. I have made some bad decisions; some real whoppers! But I do always own up to them, hopefully apologizing when necessary, and definitely learning from my bad choices.
I watch my girls go through the very same thing. Struggling to make decisions. I can see the look on their face when they are hoping I can and will give them the answer. But I can’t. There are some decisions that they have to make for themselves, to learn and grow from. Even when I know that there will be crying later. Broken hearts. Anger. I have to let them own that. They have to take that road that they choose and decide for themselves if they made the right decision.
My outlook as of late has been to take a positive from a negative, and focus on that. Now if I could just teach that to my girls 🙂