funny quotes

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I’m Sorry You Lost Your 11th Pair Of Headphones…

Published March 15, 2014 by Angela

…and No I will not stop to the store to buy you your 12th pair.

How do you lose something that is literally stuck inside 2 orifices in your body? Do you not notice when you suddenly don’t hear the music that was blasting your eardrums a second ago?

You never take them out when I am talking to you, so I was assuming you just never took them out.

I lost a baton once; no one bought me a new one. I lost a pair of roller skates, too. That really sucked, but that was also about the time I quit leaving my stuff in places it didn’t belong. I would suggest you do the same. Honestly, I am thinking the damn headphones are in one of the pockets of those 2 pairs of jeans that you lost. Go figure.

 

No, Please. Let Me Get That For You…

Published March 10, 2014 by Angela

…While you sit there and do absolutely nothing. Good Morning to me! Here’s a little tidbit about how my Tuesday is beginning…

I am so doing this tomorrow!

I am doing this tomorrow!

My alarm goes off at 4pm, ughh, I hit the snooze, only to turn the alarm off at 4:05 pm before it starts screaming at me again. I cannot stand the sound of an alarm clock.

As soon as I open my bedroom door, I hear from behind child #2’s bedroom door, “Mom, are you cooking dinner, I am starving?”

Me: “Could you let me get a cup of coffee please?” I head downstairs to child #3 laying on the couch, watching television, and child #4 eating a bag of popcorn. (Why are you eating in the living room? I ask you 10 times a day to not eat in the living room).

So, as I wait 30 seconds for my cup of coffee to brew (why did I give up Monster drinks?) I go in the basement and put my laundry in the dryer. It is now about 4:15 and I can get in the shower.

Showered, dressed, hair is blow-dried, lacking make-up and need more coffee. I get more coffee, and begin making a dinner that I am not going to eat.

Ridiatore pasta, spinach and parmesan sauce (yes, jarred), and homemade garlic toast. I empty the dishwasher while I am literally waiting for water to boil. It really does take longer when you watch it. 20 minutes later I tell 3 kids they can eat, to have child #4 ask “Mom, if my friend comes over while I am eating, can I go outside and play and I will eat later?”

“Um. No, you cannot.”

Kids fed, I can go finish getting ready for work. Everyone is done eating, the kitchen is a mess, and I get to take care of everything. Child #2 is back in her bedroom, child #3 is back on the couch, and child #4 is outside with her friend.

Where is child #1, you ask? She is a Junior in college and lives near her campus, which is not near me 😦 And if she was here, I would not be typing this post because she would have had dinner made, kids fed, and dishes taken care of before I even got out of bed (Love you Jess!)

Yes, I could yell at them (trust me, I do) and nag them to do their chores, clean the kitchen, etc. etc. But honestly, sometimes it is just easier for me and everyone else if I just do it myself. It gets done faster, and correctly the 1st time. And no, I am not an enabler of lazy children, they do take care of the things I expect them to, most of the time.

said no child of mine, EVER :-)

said no child of mine, EVER 🙂

So it’s on to cup of coffee #3, a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and a banana Lucky Charms (I need the sugar rush), and time to do homework.

 

Yes, I really do love my girls more than anything, but some days, I just gotta share how ridiculous things can be around here 🙂

I’m Not Sure Who Made Me More Angry

Published March 9, 2014 by Angela

……..The idiot representing the cable company on the other end of the internet conversation, or whichever child of mine thought they would pull a fast one.

I usually don’t have a problem paying my bills, but when I see my already outrageous cable bill is even higher than its usual ridiculously high price, I start scanning the bill.

Yep; someone wanted to watch something on pay-per-view that was $19.95. So, I grab the remote, and try to change the parental controls. Except this clever child of mine changed the 4-digit pin. So I was locked out from my ability to parental control the crap out of the television. So, I go online to my account, and decide to instant conversation with someone from the cable company ( or as we say here: foreign country that understands limited English). In a moment you will see why I say this.

I swear to goodness they do this!

I swear to goodness they do this!

I ask how to reset my pin that my kids changed. I get told that I cannot change my pin without knowing what the current one is. Now let me just say, I will not name this cable company; except to say that they are the second foulest word in the English language that starts with a C and ends with a T. Got it? O.K. 😀

So by now I am getting angrier by the second, and ask this person (aka Maria) if she is telling me that my kids can buy whatever they want on my cable system and I am unable to do anything about it? I will just cut to the chase here, because this was a really, REALLY long conversation. She sent a signal to my cable box; after I gave her my social security number (she said, Thanks, that matches your account! I said “Why wouldn’t it, it’s my social security number?”) No, I felt no desire to be nice to this person, even if she had the ability at her fingertips to cut my cable, phone, and internet and ruin my night.

After 20+ minutes, I am able to reset my pin and start locking things out. I ask her: “How can I see what this PPV program was?” She says (You are gonna love this!)

“What is the title of it that is on your bill?”

Yeah, I am getting angrier, and meaner. So I ask “Maria”:

“If I knew what the title of it was, why in the world would I possibly be asking you for it?”

By this point, I am not really caring about the $20.00, (not that I ever was, it was just the point of it) and am more concerned that I may have a kid here watching some nasty porno crap and I need to intervene ASAP.

I never did find out what it was, and unless if it pops up on my bill with the title (which it may not since I paid the bill) I may never know. But I do know without a doubt that it will not happen again. I have locked out every single channel, and they will be watching the religious channel as long as the television is on.

True Story!

True Story!

Has someone tried to pull a fast one on you recently?