My Number One Pet Peeve…

Published August 16, 2018 by Angela

…okay, number one through a gazillion.

Pet Peeve #1 through a gazillion; and yes, it is the same one. Do NOT get in my personal space.
If you are behind me in a checkout lane;
1) climbing up my behind will not make a) the cashier move any faster, or b) the person they are checking out stop giving them their life story.

2) When I take two steps forward to get away from you, do not take three steps forward. It will not get you out the door faster, but it will get you talked to, by me, which I have done before, and will have to do again.

3) When I tell you to back up, just back up. Don’t look like you had no idea you were being completely rude and out of line. Honestly, I don’t know if you are lifting my debit card, pin, or just a crazy person…..

4) I am not dressed to the nines in Walgreens getting kitty litter and garbage bags. There is no reason you would find any need to think…”I gotta get to know this girl.”

That is all….

What is your worst pet peeve? For a person with anxiety, I know personally it does not take much more than this to set me off 😦

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Taking Back My Life – I Hope

Published August 15, 2018 by Angela

Things have been getting seriously out of control for me lately. Not with my job, or my kids, or anything of that sort, but seriously just with myself. I feel like I am fighting a daily battle that I cannot seem to win.

The anxiety is literally crushing me right now, and I have to find better ways to cope with it. I follow several blogs that deal with depression and anxiety, which is very helpful. It helps calm me down when I can breathe for a second and realize that I am not the only one who deals with these types of things. It may be time to find a support group in my town though.

Stressed Meme 1

I tend to avoid books on the matter because for whatever the reason may be, it seems to trigger my anxiety when I read books on it. I have been listening to Steven Furtick’s new sermon series, “Triggered: Taking back your mind in the age of anxiety”. I quite often turn to Steven Furtick as his sermons are fantastic! He is down to earth, and relatable.

I need to spend more time in my Bible, and less time on my phone. More time focusing on the many positive things in my life, and no time focusing on the things that may not have went the way I wanted or needed them to. I waste so much time and energy on regret, when I should be spending it on living full of gratefulness. I really have been blessed with many things in my life, and yet depression and anxiety have come to live with me.

Have you found a successful way to handle, control, or cure your panic attacks? I would love to hear about them!

 

Between the Good Days and Bad Days

Published June 22, 2018 by Angela

Over the past month I have been rather successful using Weight Watchers to get my weight, and general well being, under control. My blood pressure has been an issue for about the last year, and a switch of medications seems to have helped. There were a couple weeks where it was consistently high, but eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables and avoiding salt and processed foods has got it back under control. I have lost 11 lbs, and feel good about the 40-50 I have remaining to lose.

frazzled mom

 

I have been taking many supplements along with the numerous prescriptions I take for depression, anxiety, and high blood pressure, and they have definitely improved my mood. Yet, I will have a day that just seems to go completely to shit right from the get-go, and then my attitude sucks, my mood is down, and I struggle to stay focused on being healthy and taking care of myself. Instead of focusing on how well I have been doing, and feeling, I can only focus on why my life seems to be shit at that very moment.

It amazes me how quickly I can disregard all of the positive, and put all that energy into focusing on that one day where things just refuse to fall into place, cooperate, and just basically go my way, even if it is only a tiny bit.

Patience meme

I guess this is where I really need to work on my gratitude. Normally when I wake up every morning (after not sleeping well, which is another problem I need to address), I thank God for giving me another day to be a good person, to watch for opportunities to help others, and be grateful for all of the blessings I have in my life. My four healthy daughters, a successful career, a nice home and car, a great church family, and a few close friends. I truly am blessed with all of the things I have in my life, and definitely need to keep better stock of that.

I also get motivated to keep writing two books I started, work on some craft projects for my Etsy store, make improvements in my house and yard, but the motivation I wake up with does not seem to last me through the day. I get brilliant ideas for something to make for my store, but then I never seem to finish the projects I start.

After a trip to the medi center last night because my heart would not stop racing for a half hour, and fearing a possible interaction with a medication and something I ate, I figured better safe than sorry. Everything checked out great, even my blood pressure and heart rate, and the EKG. Then I just had to wait for the anxiety and panic to go away, and I did get “some” sleep.

Today is the day where I have got to start working on keeping my attitude-of-gratitude with me from the time I wake until the time I go to bed. Are bad things going to happen, and things are going to go wrong? Hell, yes! That is a normal occurrence in my life. What I cannot do is let it take away my gratefulness and happiness. I gotta say “Screw it! So what! Shit happens!” I cannot let it determine and control how the rest of my day will go.

This will definitely be a tough task for me to learn and master, but after that scare last night, this has to happen now. I’m getting older, not younger, and need to remind myself that the time to do the things I want to do is NOW, not tomorrow or the next day.

I am excited about having a vacation day off from work today so I can go to an estate sale! I have a couple specific things in mind that I want from the photos I saw, and I hope no one else is looking for those same items! I will definitely be there early so I can get in the door as soon as they open, and can only hope for some success today 🙂

How do you deal with things when it just starts to go downhill like an out-of-control bike with no brakes on it?

The Flowers are Starting to Bloom!

Published May 23, 2018 by Angela

Not any of the 30 plants I just planted, of course. I fear I will be waiting years to see that; if the squirrels stop digging up my bulbs and moving them.

But after a year in my house, and I planted nothing last year because I wanted to see what was here, I am glad to see I have many perennials!

And I had to move my bird feeder from my front windows where the squirrels would just walk right up and feast. I moved it to a side living room window, which my cats finally discovered they could stalk from my bedroom window. Benjamin and Franklin; my two toddler boys I never had 🙂

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The Joys of Parenthood

Published April 19, 2018 by Angela

Yeah; not. I was laughing as I wrote that just now. It has been quite some time since I have found any joy in being a parent. I am both physically and mentally exhausted from the daily arguments with my 13 year old about going to school. She is literally questioning me about why she cannot have a friend over today, yet her stomach hurts too bad to go to school? I’m not kidding; she has enough nerve to ask me something as crazy as that. I think I made it very clear that it will be Monday before she goes to her friends, her friends come over, or she has her phone.

Some days I seriously wonder how I ever made it this far. I am down to the last of four daughters, and this one may very well break me. I expected things to be so much more different than this. I was also the youngest of four children, and when I was the last one home, my Mom and I had a fantastic relationship. I don’t recall ever acting like this. Honestly if I had, I would not be here right now…

Do I love my daughter? Absolutely! My children are the most important things in my life, and I would do anything for any single one of them.

Do I love being a parent? Usually not. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I have been raising daughters for 26 years, and most of that was done on my own. It has never been easy. Of course there are the moments of great joy and pride, and lots of them. But then there are days like today when I look at my 13 year old and can only think…”Did you seriously just ask me why your friend can’t come over when you are too sick to go to school?”

Who does that? She has nerve, I’ll definitely give her that. The wonderful moments certainly outweigh the crappy days like today, and that is what makes this journey worth it. If they didn’t, what would it all be for?

And this too shall pass…. 🙂

Get a Grip Michigan!

Published April 14, 2018 by Angela

It is April 14th, the middle of April, nearly a month beyond the start of Spring, and we are under a Winter Storm Warning. It is non-stop raining right now, with temperatures dropping below freezing later this afternoon, and then the freezing rain begins. They are predicting up to an inch of ice by tomorrow 😦 Which for myself means, as soon as it starts freezing, I am not leaving the house.

I am really hoping we do not lose power, but flashlights and batteries are good to go. I thought by now I would be cleaning up the leaves out of my yard and planting new flowers and shrubs.

After 11 weeks of being in my house with a broken ankle, I am well beyond ready for some sunshine, and warm, fresh air! In the meantime, I have a blanket I need to finish crocheting, a book to finish reading, and a paint-by-number that hasn’t had any attention in a couple weeks!

Some of my favorite flower photos! Has Spring sprung for you yet?

Stereotypes and Beauty Standards for Girls

Published April 12, 2018 by Angela

I cannot even believe I am typing this post, but I had an experience on social media yesterday that completely baffled, shocked, and angered me. A bit extreme of a reaction? Probably; but I’ll blame it on being in pain, lack of sleep, and a bigger lack of patience.

body image meme

What happened? I posted on FB about someone asking me what I had learned from my 11 weeks off from work, due to breaking my ankle, and all the time I spent trapped in my house. My response? I learned to ALWAYS shave my legs, even if I’ve been single for a year, and it is the middle of January in Michigan.

First, my 64 year old aunt said she could not believe ANY woman or girl would NOT shave their legs every, single, day, and that she has her whole life, and always will. A couple other friends piped in that they too shave their legs every single day. This pissed me off because 1) If I don’t want to shave my legs, I’m not shaving my legs, 2) I suddenly felt like the teen wolf who was some kind of freak because I don’t shave my legs daily, 3) I was being judged by people who will never in their entire lives see my bare legs, and it affected them in no way whatsoever, 4) as a mother to FOUR daughters, the fact that any single one of them may feel they have to shave their legs every day because society thinks so really, really ticked me off.

I was not implying that I had not shaved my legs for a whole damn year, I was just stating that when a handsome 40-something Surgeon comes into the ER to look at your broken ankle, no matter how much pain you are in, you will regret not shaving your legs that day. You know, like your Mother always telling you…”Make sure you have clean underwear on in case if you get in an accident!” 😊

I’ve got bigger things to worry about then the hair on my legs, and the fact that my peers were so strongly opiniated on this completely floored me. Okay; I’ll stop bitching now, and move on to bigger and more important things. As a side note, I let it go on FB and did not say exactly what I think, in order to keep the peace. I’m usually pretty good at throwing some shade and making it seem sweet as honey, but I just let this one go 😊 I could have swore it was 2018…..

Are there things like this that bother you? What do you feel has too much importance placed on it in society today that keeps the stereotypes going?