…at it’s best. No filters; just what I saw as I was killing time and reading a Nancy Drew book 🙂
It may sound like a weakness, but for me, it seems to be the strongest thing I can ever do. I also need to be clear that this is not “giving up”! I believe admitting defeat, and giving up, are two very different things. Only by admitting defeat can I begin to heal and fix the things that are wrong in my life. When I don’t face the fact that I am defeated, I keep behaving in the same manner as I have been, which gets me absolutely no where besides back in the same spot I was the day before.
If I were giving up, I would not even be trying. I am trying. I am trying with everything I have, but I also know I cannot do this alone. God is and will continue to walk this journey with me in my life. Communicating with friends and family members brings comfort to my anxious heart, and lets them know what I am experiencing.
I have to embrace the one-day-at-a-time mentality, and it has to begin today. As I stated in an earlier blog post, I am really good at saying…”tomorrow; I’ll start tomorrow”, and how I am going to run out of tomorrows. So now it is my today. This day. My tomorrow’s now will consist of both fantastic days, and very difficult days. I know this, expect this, and embrace it. I have to. If I want to move forward, and start living the wonderful, beautiful life that God put me here for, I have to, and will, accept the bad right along with the good. I have many dreams that I want to accomplish in my life, and only by healing myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually will I accomplish this.
Maybe soon I will be brave enough to discuss my demons as well 😊
…and looking like I have it together on the outside. It seems to be how I have been living my life as of late. Although it works, it is certainly not ideal. While I am one to keep my business to myself (well, except for blogging about it LOL!), it can be important that others recognize I have anxiety. How do I know if they are wondering why I am being exceptionally quiet, or seem especially stressed out? I have had people ask me if I am doing okay when I am being very quiet. So they see it. Everyone sees it.
It is not that I am hiding it, or embarrassed, or ashamed; I just have always been a very private person. Talking helps. I know it helps immediately alleviate the anxiety for me, because when I am communicating, I don’t have time to focus on the anxiety.
All four of my daughters have inherited my anxiety issues. It is a difficult thing to watch them go through, but it also makes me more determined to find good ways to manage it, so I can lead by setting a good example. I need to learn to focus on all of the things in my life I have been blessed with, and there are so very many, and stop putting all of my attention on the things that aren’t so good.
I need to manage my self-care better, and eat the right foods, and take my supplements, and get moving more! This is where I always say…I’ll start tomorrow… knowing tomorrow never gets here. I will run out of tomorrows, so it has got to be TODAY!
Easy to say, and hard to do! I absolutely take it one-day-at-a-time! Sometimes, it is an hour at a time.
What are your go-to tricks to calm your anxiety when it hits you out of the blue? Do you have something that works every single time, or is it hit-and-miss?
…I have been working through the things I need to do for myself, and my girls, to make this new start of the year go smoothly, and in the best possible fashion for my new Freshman. I have always viewed the beginning of the school year as a start of a “new year” for myself as well. It is a time to get new schedules put in place, new goals to work on, and I get to enjoy the most beautiful time of the year, Autumn in Michigan, and High School Football. My girls going to the school with the most winning football team in Michigan history makes the football games unbelievably exciting! Always having one of my girls in the Marching Band is a wonderful bonus as well!
My 17 year old is now also back with me for the majority of the time, which I am over the Moon about, but it definitely throws another dynamic in the picture. She is out of school, so I need to make sure she stays on a schedule herself, which can certainly be a struggle with her 😊 We are working on what is next for her, and what opportunities are available, and what she may need to work on to achieve her goals.
Now I get to figure out how to get and keep myself on track. I honestly feel like for the last month or so I have been completely off the rails. Not in a destructive way, per se, but I certainly am not eating as healthy as I had been for the previous couple of months, and I feel like I have too many pans in the fire, and I need to get something in place to manage everything. It is certainly possible with good organization and determination on my part. When I have those days though, where I don’t want to get out of bed, I have no motivation, or my anxiety has come to roost, it is hard to get anything done, or even think about anything.
I can wake up feeling fantastic and motivated to conquer the world, but it quickly disappears. Once I start working on a project, even if it is cleaning the house or doing dishes, I feel fantastic once I start and then get it finished. It is just so hard sometimes to even get started. This is where I definitely need to just push myself to get up and do something!
How to you handle the new school year if you have kids in school? Do you find it exciting, or frustrating?
…okay, number one through a gazillion.
Pet Peeve #1 through a gazillion; and yes, it is the same one. Do NOT get in my personal space.
If you are behind me in a checkout lane;
1) climbing up my behind will not make a) the cashier move any faster, or b) the person they are checking out stop giving them their life story.
2) When I take two steps forward to get away from you, do not take three steps forward. It will not get you out the door faster, but it will get you talked to, by me, which I have done before, and will have to do again.
3) When I tell you to back up, just back up. Don’t look like you had no idea you were being completely rude and out of line. Honestly, I don’t know if you are lifting my debit card, pin, or just a crazy person…..
4) I am not dressed to the nines in Walgreens getting kitty litter and garbage bags. There is no reason you would find any need to think…”I gotta get to know this girl.”
That is all….
What is your worst pet peeve? For a person with anxiety, I know personally it does not take much more than this to set me off 😦
Things have been getting seriously out of control for me lately. Not with my job, or my kids, or anything of that sort, but seriously just with myself. I feel like I am fighting a daily battle that I cannot seem to win.
The anxiety is literally crushing me right now, and I have to find better ways to cope with it. I follow several blogs that deal with depression and anxiety, which is very helpful. It helps calm me down when I can breathe for a second and realize that I am not the only one who deals with these types of things. It may be time to find a support group in my town though.
I tend to avoid books on the matter because for whatever the reason may be, it seems to trigger my anxiety when I read books on it. I have been listening to Steven Furtick’s new sermon series, “Triggered: Taking back your mind in the age of anxiety”. I quite often turn to Steven Furtick as his sermons are fantastic! He is down to earth, and relatable.
I need to spend more time in my Bible, and less time on my phone. More time focusing on the many positive things in my life, and no time focusing on the things that may not have went the way I wanted or needed them to. I waste so much time and energy on regret, when I should be spending it on living full of gratefulness. I really have been blessed with many things in my life, and yet depression and anxiety have come to live with me.
Have you found a successful way to handle, control, or cure your panic attacks? I would love to hear about them!
Over the past month I have been rather successful using Weight Watchers to get my weight, and general well being, under control. My blood pressure has been an issue for about the last year, and a switch of medications seems to have helped. There were a couple weeks where it was consistently high, but eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables and avoiding salt and processed foods has got it back under control. I have lost 11 lbs, and feel good about the 40-50 I have remaining to lose.
I have been taking many supplements along with the numerous prescriptions I take for depression, anxiety, and high blood pressure, and they have definitely improved my mood. Yet, I will have a day that just seems to go completely to shit right from the get-go, and then my attitude sucks, my mood is down, and I struggle to stay focused on being healthy and taking care of myself. Instead of focusing on how well I have been doing, and feeling, I can only focus on why my life seems to be shit at that very moment.
It amazes me how quickly I can disregard all of the positive, and put all that energy into focusing on that one day where things just refuse to fall into place, cooperate, and just basically go my way, even if it is only a tiny bit.
I guess this is where I really need to work on my gratitude. Normally when I wake up every morning (after not sleeping well, which is another problem I need to address), I thank God for giving me another day to be a good person, to watch for opportunities to help others, and be grateful for all of the blessings I have in my life. My four healthy daughters, a successful career, a nice home and car, a great church family, and a few close friends. I truly am blessed with all of the things I have in my life, and definitely need to keep better stock of that.
I also get motivated to keep writing two books I started, work on some craft projects for my Etsy store, make improvements in my house and yard, but the motivation I wake up with does not seem to last me through the day. I get brilliant ideas for something to make for my store, but then I never seem to finish the projects I start.
After a trip to the medi center last night because my heart would not stop racing for a half hour, and fearing a possible interaction with a medication and something I ate, I figured better safe than sorry. Everything checked out great, even my blood pressure and heart rate, and the EKG. Then I just had to wait for the anxiety and panic to go away, and I did get “some” sleep.
Today is the day where I have got to start working on keeping my attitude-of-gratitude with me from the time I wake until the time I go to bed. Are bad things going to happen, and things are going to go wrong? Hell, yes! That is a normal occurrence in my life. What I cannot do is let it take away my gratefulness and happiness. I gotta say “Screw it! So what! Shit happens!” I cannot let it determine and control how the rest of my day will go.
This will definitely be a tough task for me to learn and master, but after that scare last night, this has to happen now. I’m getting older, not younger, and need to remind myself that the time to do the things I want to do is NOW, not tomorrow or the next day.
I am excited about having a vacation day off from work today so I can go to an estate sale! I have a couple specific things in mind that I want from the photos I saw, and I hope no one else is looking for those same items! I will definitely be there early so I can get in the door as soon as they open, and can only hope for some success today 🙂
How do you deal with things when it just starts to go downhill like an out-of-control bike with no brakes on it?
Not any of the 30 plants I just planted, of course. I fear I will be waiting years to see that; if the squirrels stop digging up my bulbs and moving them.
But after a year in my house, and I planted nothing last year because I wanted to see what was here, I am glad to see I have many perennials!
And I had to move my bird feeder from my front windows where the squirrels would just walk right up and feast. I moved it to a side living room window, which my cats finally discovered they could stalk from my bedroom window. Benjamin and Franklin; my two toddler boys I never had 🙂
Yeah; not. I was laughing as I wrote that just now. It has been quite some time since I have found any joy in being a parent. I am both physically and mentally exhausted from the daily arguments with my 13 year old about going to school. She is literally questioning me about why she cannot have a friend over today, yet her stomach hurts too bad to go to school? I’m not kidding; she has enough nerve to ask me something as crazy as that. I think I made it very clear that it will be Monday before she goes to her friends, her friends come over, or she has her phone.
Some days I seriously wonder how I ever made it this far. I am down to the last of four daughters, and this one may very well break me. I expected things to be so much more different than this. I was also the youngest of four children, and when I was the last one home, my Mom and I had a fantastic relationship. I don’t recall ever acting like this. Honestly if I had, I would not be here right now…
Do I love my daughter? Absolutely! My children are the most important things in my life, and I would do anything for any single one of them.
Do I love being a parent? Usually not. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I have been raising daughters for 26 years, and most of that was done on my own. It has never been easy. Of course there are the moments of great joy and pride, and lots of them. But then there are days like today when I look at my 13 year old and can only think…”Did you seriously just ask me why your friend can’t come over when you are too sick to go to school?”
Who does that? She has nerve, I’ll definitely give her that. The wonderful moments certainly outweigh the crappy days like today, and that is what makes this journey worth it. If they didn’t, what would it all be for?
And this too shall pass…. 🙂
It is April 14th, the middle of April, nearly a month beyond the start of Spring, and we are under a Winter Storm Warning. It is non-stop raining right now, with temperatures dropping below freezing later this afternoon, and then the freezing rain begins. They are predicting up to an inch of ice by tomorrow 😦 Which for myself means, as soon as it starts freezing, I am not leaving the house.
I am really hoping we do not lose power, but flashlights and batteries are good to go. I thought by now I would be cleaning up the leaves out of my yard and planting new flowers and shrubs.
After 11 weeks of being in my house with a broken ankle, I am well beyond ready for some sunshine, and warm, fresh air! In the meantime, I have a blanket I need to finish crocheting, a book to finish reading, and a paint-by-number that hasn’t had any attention in a couple weeks!
Some of my favorite flower photos! Has Spring sprung for you yet?