absent fathers

All posts tagged absent fathers

And This Is Exactly Why I Wish You Would Just Stay Away…

Published November 12, 2014 by Angela

…because since last Saturday, I have been asked, e-v-e-r-y  s-i-n-g-l-e  d-a-y “When is Dad coming to get us again?” “Is Dad going to get us for Christmas Break?” “Can you call Dad and see if he can go to my basketball game Saturday?” and it goes on-and-on-and-on.

Why does this bother me? Because he made a surprise appearance at my front door, 11 months to the day of the last time he saw his (MY) children. And now I get to deal with this. And the crying, and being upset, and brand new feelings of abandonment when he does not show up again for 11 months. And they were just starting to heal from the last time he did this.

So once again I get to pick up the broken pieces, and deal with the brunt of their anger because he is not around to take it.

Someone is not going to have a happy Christmas, and I guarantee you it will not be my children or myself. He is NOT going to break them again; they can only be put back together so many times before it becomes irreparable.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is to just go away. And if you are someone who is reading this and angry about this post and feel I am being unfair to their “Father”, I am more than willing to post a 10,000 word blog on how he has wronged his children, over and over again. Not to even mention how he destroyed our marriage and relationships between my family members and myself in the process.

So as one of my favorite Motley Crue songs states…”Don’t go away mad, just go away.” Except in this case I could not care less if he is mad. I’ve been mad for 8 years at what he continues to do to avoid taking any responsibility for these girls.

Being The Bigger Person…

Published November 2, 2014 by Angela

…for the sake of my girls. We were all surprised when their Father and his girlfriend showed up at our home today. My 16 year old had her final marching band highlights concert tonight and she is one of the drum majors. They came up to surprise her and attend this half-time highlights concert.

My beautiful 16 year old daughter and Drum Major for the marching band. I could not be more proud or blessed!

My beautiful 16 year old daughter and Drum Major for the marching band. I could not be more proud or blessed!

So they took the 3 girls out to eat, and then went to the concert. My boyfriend and I sat next to them and we all had a good time. They were unsure if they would be staying at a hotel for the night or not, and would let me know. My boyfriend dropped me off at home, I turned on the radio, and finished cleaning the house, which is so much easier to do when there are no kids here!

So the next message I get is from his girlfriend wanting to ask me a question…if they cannot find a hotel to stay in could they possibly stay on the floor for the night so they can spend time with the girls.

I said yes, I did not have a problem with that. My girls would be heartbroken to not spend as much time with him as possible. In the end he decided he was not comfortable with it, but they did want to hang out with them for a while. So while I was in the kitchen doing my homework and editing some photos and book reviews, they were playing the WII and enjoying themselves.

I was not pleased when the girlfriend finally got me alone and asked if they could take my 13 year old, Erin, for 2 weeks and then bring her back. She is my homeschooler, and thinks she would do better living with her father. I said absolutely not, she was not at a point where this type of adjustment, even for 2 weeks, would do her any good.

I wasn’t surprised either…

So I did my good Mommy deed for the day, week, month, year, whatever 🙂 I honestly did not mind, and was very happy my girls got to spend some time with their dad and his girlfriend.

Things The Neighbor Kids Say, Part 3

Published October 3, 2014 by Angela

My 10-year old daughter’s friend came over, asking if she could come outside to play basketball. Here is what the conversation consisted of:

My 10-year-old: “I thought you were going with your dad?”

10-year-old neighbor: “He said he’s sick. So we can’t go.” (her and her older brother)

My 10yo: “Oh, okay. Are you going to go later?”

10yo neighbor: “No. Because he was supposed to get us two weeks ago, but forgot. And the time before that he couldn’t get us because he had no food. And now he says he’s sick. And that he had us 2 weeks ago. But he didn’t cause we have been at Grandma’s during every weekend for the past month. And Grandma said we are never going over there again. So the only time I will ever see my dad again is if I see him at the store.”

I do not find this amusing, and that is not why I am mentioning it. I find it very sad. I find it sad that this young girl is going to be telling this story to anyone and everyone who will listen, because she wants others to think it doesn’t hurt her. I find it sad that she likely thinks there is something wrong with her because she has a father who is completely useless. I find it sad that my daughter completely understands, because her own father will not pick her or her sisters up, ever.

When did it become so hard for parents to be parents? Not their children’s best friend, but their parent. The one who will support and encourage, teach values and virtues, and discipline not because they enjoy it, but because it is a necessary part of parenting.

It has not been easy on me being a single parent by any means, and for quite a while I was succeeding very well at failing my girls. It took awhile for me to let go of the hurt and anger I had, and focus on what was important. That my girls have a mother who loves them more than anything, and will do everything possible to ensure they are cared for, know they are loved, and encouraged to be themselves. Thank goodness they do not need a father for that.