raising teenagers

All posts tagged raising teenagers

I Cannot Believe That Did Not Work…

Published October 19, 2014 by Angela

…now I need to find some other thing as leverage to get my 13 year old to do what she is supposed to.

See, it is Sunday. On Sunday’s, Erin has her confirmation classes at our church from 9:30am-10:30am. Last night she said she wanted up at 7:30am to get in the shower. At 7:30am, she said she didn’t feel good. She never feels good. This has gotten her homeschooled, and out of so many things it is ridiculous. I would admire her determination and ability to outsmart me, except it is me that she is outsmarting.

Just make her get up and go, you say? I would be leaving church right now if that were in any way possible. You cannot force a 13 year old who is taller than you, and weighs more than you, to get dressed, and get in a car. 3 years ago, my next oldest daughter and myself managed to get her into the car to drive her to school. This was after a State Police Officer that I called came over to find out why she would not go to school. He spent 45 minutes telling her the importance of going to school, how she was going to get me in trouble, etc. etc. He said she needs a good ass beating, and as long as you do not leave any marks, you are not acting beyond your boundaries. No, I did not beat her behind, even though she needed it. We got her to the school. She got out of the car in the parking lot, and proceeded to run home. So no, I am not able to just make her go.

What did I threaten her with this morning? No laptop. No getting on the internet and playing any games, or talking to her friends, or watching music videos. It used to always work before. So yes, I have to find out what is the latest “most-important-thing-to-Erin” so I can use it as leverage when she wants to start pulling these stunts again.

On that note, since I was up so early, I got some amazing pictures of the Autumn weather here in West Michigan, and these flowers were my favorite.

Frosted Flowers October 19, 2014

Frosted Flowers October 19, 2014

Hoping your Sunday is a beautiful one, full of Blessings and Happiness!

When You Are Always Wrong…

Published October 17, 2014 by Angela

…no matter what you say or do. This is what my girls and I have been going through for the last couple of weeks. I am not quite sure what is happening or why, but things have become very tense in our home, between the girls, and between the girls and I. Yes; some of it is hormones. When you have 4 daughters, you have hormones. But I cannot blame hormones for all of this.

I am willing to take some of the blame. I have managed to get myself involved in a lot of different things that have made my schedule especially chaotic. I have less than 3 weeks left for my college class for my MBA, and then I do not have any more classes for the rest of this year. This is a great relief for me, and I am hoping I can actually enjoy the holiday season this year as much as I did last year. I have been short-tempered with my girls when they cannot do the most basic of chores or even pick up after themselves.

Are you really incapable of taking that glass you drank your milk from back into the kitchen and in the sink, since you are walking out there anyways to bring some other food or drink item into the living room? Every day when I get home, and every morning when I get up for the day, there are various dirty dishes all over the coffee table, end tables, sitting on the floor next to the couch, rocking chair, or anywhere else they feel the need to leave their stuff.

We will not even begin discussing having 4 ladies using one bathroom! I could do a show; “Big Hormones, Little Home.”

What I definitely know because I am always wrong; is that it means I am the Mom. And that I am doing something right. Because if my teens and preteen agreed with me, I would be acting like their friend, and not their Mother. So I will take this any day over the alternative!

The Calm Before the Storm…

Published October 15, 2014 by Angela

…maybe this storm will pass right by? Yeah. Not likely.

So no one felt the need to ask/tell me that one or more of them want to go live with their dad. I was also gone from 5:30am until 6:30 pm, thanks to a very lengthy Doctor’s visit that has led to several more Doctor visits. More on that, later…

By the time I actually made it home, exhausted, I had to get my participation in for my MBA class, check Erin’s homeschooling assignments (which she is still behind, since she slept until 11 am) of which I have also set a new caught-up date of this coming Saturday.

It is just not going to happen. And I am just not ready for this argument right now. And the attitude. And the slamming doors, and throwing of things important and unimportant. And likely refusal to do homeschooling assignments as some sort of punishment for me when the only person she is hurting is herself.

I just cannot justify letting my emotionally unstable 13 year old teenage daughter move in with her father, who she has not seen since January 2nd. Who cannot keep a job. Who lives who-knows-where. Oh. And he is physically and verbally abusive.

Yeah. Not gonna happen.

So I will prepare myself for the attitude to come, and let her know I am doing what is best for her.

I cannot wait for Christmas and that big battle! 🙂

I Don’t Know Why I Was Even Surprised…

Published October 2, 2014 by Angela

…when I looked in the refrigerator this morning, seeing if someone got into the cookie dough, and it was gone. I had meant to put the package of Nestle Toll House pumpkin spice and white chip cookie dough in my mini refrigerator in my bedroom once I baked the Halloween chocolate chip package and Erin realized there was cookie dough in the refrigerator. I forgot when I left for work yesterday morning. This morning; the whole package had disappeared.

This is why I have a mini refrigerator in my bedroom, as well as the bottom of my entertainment center in my bedroom full of cereal, chips, snacks, etc. When the mood strikes Erin, and she fancies something to eat, she will eat it. She will eat it all. Even though she knows she shouldn’t, and that it upsets me, and it is unhealthy for her; she does it anyway. Such as 24 cookie dough squares. Or 6 cans of slim-fast in one night. Or 8 yogurts in a day. She has randomly cooked full loaves of garlic bread in the middle of the night, so when I go to cook the pasta meal I had planned for dinner; no garlic bread. If she finds chocolate anywhere, she will eat it all. I have had whole bags of chocolate chips disappear, entire cans of Pringles, and a dozen eggs at one time.

If I had a bigger bedroom, I would have a bigger refrigerator. Honestly, if I could get away with putting a lock on my refrigerator and pantry, I would. I am sure someone would consider that child endangerment or cruelty or something else along those lines. Even though she is causing herself issues by binge eating like she does.

Have you had a child, sibling, spouse, partner, friend, or roommate do this? How did you deal with it?

Online Schooling…

Published October 2, 2014 by Angela

…is definitely a big improvement for me than last year when I was setting all of the lesson plans, schedules, checking all of the homework, and then helping her with all of it. Now I just have to help her with all of it. And remind her to stay on task. And answer questions she should probably know the answers to. And remind her to stay on task. And explain to her why it is important to at least move her books from the exact location they were in that morning, so it at least looks like she opened them. And remind her to stay on task. And sit with her through her entire Algebra lessons to help her understand. And remind her to stay on task.

Okay, I think you got my point. I am liking this online environment for Erin (I am working on my 3rd college degree online, so it is definitely familiar territory). The one thing I do not like is the assessments are 4 or 5 questions. If she even gets one wrong, her grade drops by a large amount.

We are still working through the bugs, but she is improving from where she was the first week. Hopefully she is finding her rhythm, and we can keep her caught up. She has one huge writing project that gets shared with the social studies assignments as well, and it does get a bit confusing as to what is due when, and which class they want it submitted to.

I am still hoping she will be ready for public high school next year; she is working towards that goal as much as I am. If she is not, I will definitely go this route next year as well.

We made it past Hump Day, on to the weekend!

2013’s To Do List – Update

Published September 24, 2014 by Angela

I have been giving an update about every three months for how I am doing with my little to-do list I made for myself of things I wanted to work on in 2014.

1)      Go to church more – was doing very well, but my summer attendance is never good. That will likely be a focus for me next year; figure out why I have such a hard time getting to church in the summer months

2)      Tithing – all good here

3)      Swearing – swearing has become pretty much non-existent for me; except when I am really, REALLY angry about something. I am at the point of when I hear others swearing, the worse the word is, the more I cringe

4)      Yelling – much better here as well, except, again, when I am REALLY angry

5)      Me Time – yeah, it seems I have been doing everything possible to make sure my schedule is as full as possible, at all times. Me, Myself, and I need to have a little chat about this

6)      Patience – much better, except when? Yep. When I am REALLY angry

7)      Exercise – I have been on exercise equipment a couple times in the last month. It certainly is not enough, but it is definitely better than what I was doing. Which was nothing

8)      Read the Bible – I did get this done. I read the entire Bible, front to back. Even the confusing parts in the Old Testament that I would normally skip over. Now I re-read different parts usually on a daily basis

9)      Improve my photography skills – Well I have definitely been taking more pictures, and getting some good results that I am looking for. I certainly am not utilizing the full capabilities of my camera yet

10)   Be Happy – I have been much happier for this past year than I likely ever was in the previous 20 years. I still get down, and upset, and all that other stuff that happens on occasion. But I have truly allowed myself to be happy. To not question if I should be/deserve to be/earned the right to be truly happy

Next years list is what I need to start thinking about now 🙂

Questioning Life Changes, Does it Never End?

Published September 21, 2014 by Angela

I always seem to have a difficult time making very important decisions; never being able to stop asking myself, “but what if I did …”. The past year has been full of life changes for me. All for the positive, but never without stress and worry. I will be the first to admit that I overthink everything. Every single thing. At 42 years old, with a great career, family life, and good health, I still stress over making decisions.

Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again, when someone else would make the decisions for me. Then I wouldn’t be the one responsible when it didn’t work out. I have made some bad decisions; some real whoppers! But I do always own up to them, hopefully apologizing when necessary, and definitely learning from my bad choices.

I watch my girls go through the very same thing. Struggling to make decisions. I can see the look on their face when they are hoping I can and will give them the answer. But I can’t. There are some decisions that they have to make for themselves, to learn and grow from. Even when I know that there will be crying later. Broken hearts. Anger. I have to let them own that. They have to take that road that they choose and decide for themselves if they made the right decision.

My outlook as of late has been to take a positive from a negative, and focus on that. Now if I could just teach that to my girls 🙂

I Must Have Needed That

Published July 1, 2014 by Angela

12 hours of sleep straight, only waking up when my kitty thought he needed some attention, has me feeling much better now than I have for the past 4 days. Being a 3rd shift worker and having 9 days off from work is not something I generally look forward to. I rarely have (or willingly take) more than a couple days off in a row. When I am off, I try to maintain my sleep schedule by staying up all night, and sleeping during the day.

A girl’s day yesterday with my 4 daughter’s pretty much pushed me to the limit. I did not feel good eating lunch at Red Robin, I slept through the movie Maleficent, and the several hour mall shopping spree had me at my wit’s end. I kept explaining to them that I just physically did not feel good (they know being off my schedule literally makes me ill), and had to keep apologizing for my lack of patience. I could slowly feel myself turning into one of those parents that make me cringe when I see how they talk to or treat their children. I did not get quite to that point, but I certainly was on my way.

So after all of that sleep, and 4 full days still off from work, I already know I am going to fall asleep for a couple hours, waking up at 2am, wide awake and starving, and be up until about 8am when I am so exhausted I have to go back to bed. I am glad that I do not have anything scheduled or planned that I can’t do around my odd-ball schedule, but I feel like I am missing out on time with my girls; even though we are all physically sitting in the same room right now (minus one), and one is on their laptop, one is on their phone, one is watching television, and I am waiting for a cake to cool so I can frost it.

I also am looking at a whole lot of stuff sitting around that I need to get sorted and taken care of, and have no motivation for that either. So I think I am going to call it a day, eat a piece of cake, and start reading “The Silkworm”, J. K. Rowling’s second book in the Cormoran Strike series (written under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith).

What are your plans as we get closer to the Fourth of July?

Happy Father’s Day…

Published June 16, 2014 by Angela

…to me!

Yes, I am serious. I told my girls they should be getting me something for Father’s Day, since I have been both Mother and Father for the past 8 years. They must have thought I was joking. I was not joking.

Just to let you know, before anyone thinks I am disrespecting any Single or divorced dads, I am not. My ex does not come to see his children. Ever. He does not buy them birthday gifts. He does not call them on their birthdays. Or Christmas. Easter? Never. He actually saw them 2 Easters ago when I was going out of state for a week. I told him 3 months ahead of time that he would have to get them their Easter stuff. And I kept reminding him. Again, and again. And again.

When I picked them up, after Easter was over, (yes, I had to drop them off and pick them up), they let me know they got nothing for Easter. What did he tell them? The house was too crowded with them there so the Easter bunny did not have room to leave their Easter baskets.

Let me be clear on the fact that 2 of these girls are long past believing in the Easter bunny. So what could they have possibly thought, and worse yet, how horrible could that have made them feel?

So yes, I am the Father to them.

And on that note, I am wishing my father a wonderful day; I tried calling several times and he was either gone or the phone was busy (he does not live near me).

And I wish all of the Fathers out there who are really truly fathers a wonderful day as well. It is not easy being a parent. Whether you are the mother, or the father.

It certainly is not easy having to be both 😦

A Failure to Communicate on Your Part…

Published June 6, 2014 by Angela

…Does not make the situation an emergency to me.

I am constantly asking my girls to let me know things that involve me as soon as they learn about them. I could not even begin to count how many times I find things out, sometimes hours before I am supposed to be somewhere, doing something, that I was unknowingly volunteered for. My payback right after my 16 year old did this to me? I let her know Saturday morning that we had a surprise Birthday party to be at in 3 hours. What was her response?

“I hate finding things out at the last minute!”

WHAT?

So I told her “Surprise!”

Last night at 10 pm, while I am at work, I get a text message from said 16 year old letting me know my 9 year old needs plates and cups for school the next morning.

“For what?” I asked.

“A surprise party.” she texts.

“Was I supposed to be surprised too, because this is the first I have heard about this?” UGH.

So, I get to do my least favorite thing I could possibly do after work. Go to Wal-Mart. There is never, EVER, a good time to be in Wal-Mart.

So as I am rushing through the store, trying to get her the 50 cups and 50 plates she needs (Which all the cups came back and only a couple plates got used; the rest of those came back as well 😦 ) she is ringing my cell off the hook.

“What is the issue?” I asked her.

Her friend was leaving and could I bring the plates and cups to school? Um, no. You do not need to leave for school yet, and if you do not wait, I will not drop them off. Your friend can wait.

So I get home, and she is gone. I call her friends house, and yes indeed, they already left. So like the push-over Mom that I am, I take the damn things to school and track her down, letting her know she is grounded for the weekend. I didn’t want the teachers to have to scramble to come up with plates and cups because my child had an irresponsible moment. I am so glad I completely stressed myself out, so they could use 7 plates.

And how has your Friday been?