The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,500 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 25 trips to carry that many people.
…and I am still enjoying it. Waking up in the morning, drinking coffee in bed, reading books, and watching mindless Netflix. Napping in the afternoon, not having to cook food, take someone somewhere, go anywhere unless if I choose to, and making being lazy an art form.
I am missing my girls, and truly hoping, and praying several times a day, that they are enjoying themselves, and are okay. I am not going to pretend it is easy having them away for so long, but I am making sure I use up every moment to do the little things I do not ordinarily get to enjoy. Meaning, doing a whole bunch of nothing.
I have to do the Scripture readings at my church’s early service tomorrow, I have a dinner date with my boyfriend and oldest daughter tomorrow or Monday, and a visit to a friend’s house on Monday afternoon. Other than that, I have absolutely nothing I have to do, and no where I need to be, before I return to work on Monday, January 5th.
I am most definitely going to use this time to get myself in a great place feeling rested, relaxed, and recharged. I hope you are able to get some type of personal break as well, and get recharged and ready for the new year. I have BIG things planned for myself and my girls for 2015, and I cannot wait to share that with all of you!
Spending my Christmas evening alone. No girls fighting. No asking for dinner. No arguing over who gets to choose what is watched on television.
Nope. I do not feel guilty. I love my girls to the end of the world, but when you are a single parent, and they only see the other parent one time a year; on Christmas: Yeah, you kind of work up to it.
Wait for it. Plan for it. Expect it. And cheer your behind off when it actually happens! (Which is not always the case).
So I am taking my nekkid kitty to bed, putting on some Hobbit movie that I have seen 76 times, but still not enough, and enjoying the “Silent Night” that I truly know and believe my Gracious Lord Jesus knew I needed.
No, I am not joking or mocking religion. Do you pray? Pray enough for something, and He will truly deliver it to you!
Merry Christmas to each and every one of you! What a beautiful day!
I surely hope you aren’t doing it for my benefit. You can have an attitude for as long as you like; it is certainly not going to encourage me to let you play a game on the laptop or my phone. Not when you cannot stay on task with your homeschooling assessments.
I am physically exhausted from working 9 hours a day, and then spending 5-6 hours every night helping her sort through her assignments. Especially when she does not want to focus, or pay attention, or even make an effort to pretend she is listening.
So once again, she will not have access to the laptop until I get home from work. She obviously can’t get her work done on the laptop while I am away at work, so I will just eliminate that distraction all together. If I have to spend 6 hours every night teaching algebra and science, I will make sure I have her full attention.
Nothing gets a 13 year old girl’s attention faster than taking away all of her abilities to contact any friends, play any games, or shop for clothes on Amazon.
All I know is 1) my parents would have dragged my ass to school and made sure I stayed there, and 2) if I ever tried to pull any of the crap that she tries to pull, I would not be here today to type this blog post!
So here’s to being the bad-mean-horrible-bitch-mom for at least 4 to 5 days, until she realizes she cannot break me 🙂 It sucks that I have to go through this, but unfortunately, this is exactly what it takes to get her to see I am not kidding, and then she gets back on task.
Or maybe Reindeer on the Roof? Do you have a Snowman in a Snowglobe? (Okay, I don’t think such a thing exists, yet). But I think you get my point.
Now just to avoid myself getting a bunch of negative comments about my Bah-Humbug Christmas attitude, I really do like the idea and premise of the Elf on the Shelf. If I had more energy, I probably would have done this with my own girls when it first came out. But I knew that the Elf would have stayed in the same exact spot, because I would forget to move it, and then how do I explain that?
And I really do not need to stress about where in the world I am going to put it each night. I do not have the patience to pose him in my cupboards, playing in the sugar bowl, or hiding in the cat food dish. Why in the world would I just create another mess that I am going to have to clean up?
So for those of you who do this with your children, I hope you have great fun and come up with new ideas on where your Elf is going to be each night.
As for me, I will get to see all of my friends and family’s Elf pictures as it makes its way to a new destination each night 🙂 Whether this is a good thing, or a bad thing, I will leave that up to you to decide 🙂
On a side note, why in the world couldn’t I think of something this clever? I would be set for life 🙂
…with the phone calls, and questioning when he can get his girls for Christmas. My girls have been rotating the phone for the past 2 hours, taking turns talking to their dad. While I am struggling to get my 13 year old to sit down and focus on the homework she did not do during the day. Because she slept. So as I manage to get her to stay in front of the laptop for more than 2 seconds, this is what I hear…
Erin: “So, dad is going to talk to you, but he wants to know if he can pick us up on Christmas Eve?”
Me: “And when exactly would you like me to celebrate Christmas with you, since he is keeping you for the entire Christmas break?”
Erin: “I don’t know.”
Me: “He can get you early Christmas morning.”
Erin: “………..” (pouty-face-attitude-coming-for-me-within-the-next-day-or-so).
I do not know how many times he needs to be told to ASK ME before he tells the girls something is going to happen. Yes; I am being a bitch. Would you like to know why I am being a bitch?
Probably not. But I am going to tell you anyway.
1) He does not pay child support
2) He does not regularly visit his girls, unless if you consider once a year regular; if so, he is spot on!
3) He has not bought them (or even made them) one single Christmas gift in the past 5 years
4) He does not call them on their birthdays
5) He does not call them until it gets to be nearly Christmas
Now, I completely realize that the presents have NOTHING to do with the true meaning of Christmas. But when they come home from spending the holidays with him and tell me about all the video games and new things he has bought for himself, and they got nothing; yeah, I get pissed. When I had to drive last year for 4 hours in a blizzard with weather warnings to not be on the road because he suddenly had no way to get them home; yeah, I got pissed. So, he can do one of a few things. He can get them when I say he can. He can call his lawyer. Then we can go in front of the judge and he can explain his lack of father-participation in the upbringing of his girls. Or he can show up on Christmas Eve with the misunderstanding that he is taking his girls that early, and then hang out somewhere until Christmas morning.
I need my girls to enjoy their Christmas. In order for them to do this, I need to deal with these issues with their dad without getting them involved. I wish he would be as considerate of their feelings as well.
…felt very nice! I have been trying to keep myself in a positive mood, but this freezing cold, no sunshine Michigan weather is really unbearable. I really do not know if it is the dreary weather, or true-full-fledged-100% depression that is smacking me upside the face without ceasing.
I really can’t figure it out. What was going on last year at this time that I was so happy about, that is not going on this year? Everything feels the same. It all looks the same. I feel like I have less going on this year than I did last December, but maybe I am wrong. Since my spirits were unbelievably on the ‘up’ side, maybe I was more busy last year, but I just didn’t notice.
I balanced my checkbook this afternoon when I got home from work. I will worry about the -$360.00 tomorrow. (I have the money in there, but I divide my check on a weekly basis per how much each bill needs for a 4 week month. This is necessary when living on one income with no child support). I have some utilities with a credit this month, so I will juggle the money around tomorrow to get out of the red 🙂
My homeschooler fell asleep this afternoon, so she is nowhere near where she should be for today’s assignments. Which means after I clean the kitchen from dinner, her and I get to spend the rest of our (MY) night doing homework.
My goal for December is to find a way to enjoy it. To get to Church as much as physically possible. To lose about 15 of the 30 lbs I stress-ate for the last 3 months. And to NOT drink. Sad to say, after doing so well for so long, I already know that will be tougher than everything else put together.
What is supposed to be the ‘most wonderful time of the year’, can really suck sometimes. And I know it is not that way just for me. So many have a difficult time during the Christmas season. Who thought up that shit-assed saying anyhow? Most wonderful time of the year…..
…I cannot help but question the means and manner I am likely to wish my December away as well; in a hurry for this Christmas season to just be done already, and a new year to begin. I am unsure what is different this year, compared to last year when I thoroughly enjoyed the entire Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I am sure there were days when I was not in the best of moods, but this complete blanket of the blues that I cannot get out from under is really wearing on me.
Some things I know that are not helping; the non-stop bickering of my children. Case in point; this is exactly what I have been listening to for the past hour: Erin and Cassidy are bickering over the most ridiculous crap that I would honestly just like to knock their noggins together and see if it brings some sense to them. Erin is yelling at Cassidy because she is playing Mario, and Erin does not want to listen to the music from the video game. She is also fighting with Cassidy because she is listening to music via headphones (that Erin cannot hear) and whenever Erin does 2 things at once, Cassidy yells at her.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What in the hokey hell is wrong with these two? Erin is pissed because Cassidy always gets her way, and is telling Cassidy she is an idiot. Cassidy is telling Erin she always gets her way, and to stop acting like a brat. I just let them both know if I hear one more word out of either of them, they will both go upstairs, to the bedroom they share, and they can stay in there for the entire day and fight it out amongst themselves.
So anyhow, back to me and this depression that has taken hold of me. There have been some life changes going on with me, and I am not quite sure how they could possibly be playing a role in me feeling as terrible as I do.
I got a new position at work that I signed a posting for. It took me off from third shift, and back to first shift. Definitely a bonus, but it involved a significant pay cut. I have also had several unexpected expenses come up, such as having my car go to the shop twice in two months. I also doubled my car payment and insurance prior to this pay cut, and have had to dig into my savings account much more than I ever wanted to. I have had other expenses happen as well, and to say I am stressing about Christmas gifts is truly an understatement. And no matter how many times I told my girls I took a pay cut, they do not seem to care one way or the other; it is non-stop “I want, I want, I want…”
My year + of sobriety hit the curb for a couple of weeks, but I am back on track. The 30+ lbs I initially lost when I quit drinking has slowly found its way back to me. I can admit that yes, I did get too thin, and needed to put about 10 lbs back on. Well, I indeed managed that. Along with another 20 lbs from stress eating that now has me not only depressed, but now feeling very unhealthy and uncomfortable.
I am tired. So very tired, all of the time. I am doing all of the housework, and yes, I have tried just leaving things until my girls can no longer stand it and they start helping. Other than their bedrooms and laundry, all of their other messes infringe on my living areas as well, and therefore my comfort levels. They will literally not empty the kitchen garbage, even if they throw something in there and it falls out on the floor because it is already overfilled. It does not bother them to live in a messy house. It absolutely drives me bonkers.
The only motivation I have as of late is to stay in my bedroom with my cat, my books, and Netflix to pass the time.
I certainly hope that the extra vitamins I bought yesterday, along with my Prozac and Xanax, bring about a quick change to my terrible sadness. I hate feeling like this, and really did not expect the long Michigan winter that began on Halloween to effect me so negatively this year, since it did not last year.
I am now more than ever relying on my faith,and making an effort to bury myself in reading the bible daily, and watching anything and everything that is inspirational and reminds me of how truly lucky and blessed I am, even if I am momentarily blue.
Please let it be momentarily!
…and my 16 year old just asked when I was going to cook dinner…….WTH. I am not eating it, I am dieting. The thought for her to cook it would never cross her mind, or any of the other girls’ for that matter.
…to things that instigate the crap out of me is a lot tougher than others make it look. Not replying to those “baiting” social network posts is sometimes a chore in and of itself. I can honestly say, if I were still drinking, I would have a lot fewer ‘friends’ on my social networking accounts. Because I would be saying exactly what I thought. Regretting it the next day, for sure, or whenever it was that I sobered up 🙂
There is a lot to be said for turning the other cheek. Even if it means allowing someone to do the proverbial ‘strike me in the other cheek’. I much prefer my life like this. Sober, Faithful to my religion, and tolerating of those who irritate me. Not very Christ-like, I am sure, but it is a work in progress.
I am a work in progress!
One day at a time is the way I choose to live, because I have no control over the day before or the day after today. I’ve learned (for the most part) to stop wasting my ‘today’ time on things out of my control.
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