anxiety

All posts tagged anxiety

So About Day Two of This Journey of Mine…

Published March 14, 2017 by Angela

…which was yesterday…. YIKES… good grief I have got to be stronger, more patient, slow down, open my ears, and close my mouth. I am not trying to feel discouraged that day 2 was a total bust, and that I should just go back to Day 1. Lesson(s) learned.

You Know You're Stressed 3-14-17

So my Day 3 is going better, and I am hoping for a quiet, uneventful night at home after I get out of work. This should be fairly simple to accomplish, as I intend on getting dinner on the way home from work, and doing absolutely nothing else besides reading or crosswords.

From my morning reading of “Hands Free Life”, by Rachel Macy Stafford:

“The next time you yearn to fill the spaces of your life and be all there, try using the visual image of physically removing the heavy clock from around your neck. Feel the weight being lifted off your chest as you give yourself permission to be in one place and one place only. Remind yourself these are the spaces where real living occurs and you have every right to devote time and attention to the most important spaces of life” (Stafford, 2015, pg. 42).

I know I have a very difficult time relaxing, especially when I see things around me that need to be done. I feel guilty when I am doing “nothing”, and I need to start seeing my down-time as when I can relax, recharge, and get myself balanced. It is okay to not get everything done at once.

I am sure I will be telling myself this every day for a very, very long time until I master this one task that seems so easy, yet is so very hard for me.

Day One of a New Journey

Published March 12, 2017 by Angela

I have been dealing with some personal issues of a magnitude that even those closest to me are not aware of. While it is not my intention to disclose these issues even now; it is my intention to finally fully own them, face them, and conquer them. 

My journey of raising daughters may be half over, but they will always be my daughters, no matter their stage in life. I also need to make sure I stop losing myself in the chaos and busyness of my life. I really do need to stop and smell the roses. Not occasionally when I make time; but to always make time to do just that. 

As I am in the back seat of my vehicle with 3 of my girls, going to spend the day with the fourth, I am reading a book that I think will truly help me on this journey. It is called “Hands Free Life” by Rachel Macy Stafford, and looks like the perfect book to start this new chapter of my life with; pun intended 😉

The Genetic Lottery…Did You Win It?

Published October 27, 2014 by Angela

Or maybe your children did. You know, those families that are just beautiful. Perfect hair, teeth, faces, bodies. Not that it is a bad thing. Some people win that lottery, some don’t. Some have natural beauty, some have to work a little harder at it.

But what about that other genetic lottery? You know; the illnesses, addictions, diseases, bad behaviors, and all those other things that every person dreads.

I do not look like either of my parents, or any of my 3 siblings. All 4 of my daughters have a strong resemblance to me. No one would ever ask any two or more of us who may be together if we are related. It is that obvious. I do not know where I got my green eyes from, I am the only one in my family with green eyes. I have 2 daughters with blue eyes, one with blue-green-indescribable colored eyes, and one with brown eyes. All of my girls got their eye colors from their father’s side.

What else was I blessed/cursed with? An incurable, genetic bladder disease (IC) that I have been dealing with for over 25 years. Anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. I have stopped drinking alcohol because thanks to an alcoholic mother and father, and grandparents on both sides, I cannot just have a couple drinks. Oh, it always starts out as a couple drinks, but it never ends after a couple. A couple of drinks would never again be enough for me. I am unsure if I will get my Grandmother’s dementia, but I know my girls would make sure I had the best treatment possible if and when it got to that point.

Alcohol Drinks

I am very smart. Smart in the way that just comes easy to me. No clue on where that came from. No, I am not saying anyone in my family is not smart, it was just always easier for me. I am musically inclined, and can play 7 different musical instruments. No one in my family ever played or sang, but I have 2 daughters who are musically inclined.

piano keys

But I worry about what else my daughters may get from me. Will they have addiction issues? Control issues? I have a 13 year old with depression and anger issues, and I wonder how much of that comes from me or her father. You just never know. Just because your parents are a certain way, does not mean you need to grow up and be like them. But you certainly want to be aware of the possible issues that go along with being their child.

So when you look at those people and think to yourself that they must have a perfect life, you need to remember that no one has a perfect life. Many people have issues or illnesses you will never see.  So you may have gotten a couple doozies in the genetics pool, but I bet you got some good ones too!