anxiety

All posts tagged anxiety

Waking Up Angry at the World…

Published July 12, 2017 by Angela

…or at least, everything in my small section of the world. I have been sleeping like crap, which is to be expected at day 6 of my journey to health. Honestly, I have been sleeping like crap for about 15 years, but now it just pisses me off way more than usual.

I am in such a foul mood that I can barely stand myself 😦 How bad is that? I can’t pinpoint one thing that has brought this on, but it certainly seems like many tiny, tiny little issues are just fueling the fires.

If I did not have meetings this afternoon, I would be at home, locked in my bedroom, safe from losing it on some poor innocent, unwitting person. Like my kids…..

Good Grief tomorrow had better NOT be like this….

 

Hello Monday; You Beautiful, Chaotic, Usually Most Hated Day of the Week!

Published July 10, 2017 by Angela

Day 4 is starting out good, considering I could not get to sleep last night, and did not want to get up this morning. I did so much yesterday, I feel like doing absolutely nothing today other than getting my work day done.

I have been going from having bursts of energy and feeling great, to flipping right to feeling depressed, angry, and wanting to do nothing but stay in bed all day. I am hoping as the days progress, and my body starts healing, this will happen less.

What I know more than anything is that I cannot have another setback. I do not ever want to feel like I felt two days ago. I keep going through this time-after-time, and I am truly and finally fed up with it. I know it will be tough, and a huge struggle, but I also know I can do this!

Patience meme

Patience is key. Patience is what I do not, and have never, had. This could be the toughest obstacle for me. I can get angry in the blink of an eye. I am not proud of it, but I certainly won’t sugar-coat it either.

angry meme

What do you do when you get fed up and prefer to not completely lose it on the person standing nearest to you?

Day Two Sucked…

Published July 9, 2017 by Angela

…so let’s see how day three goes. (so far so good, as I managed to get out of bed!) Yesterday I never got out of bed, except to of course get food/water, use the facilities, and I did make brownies for my girls. Boxed brownies, and if I hadn’t wanted some myself, that probably would not have happened either.

I watched a few seasons of Cheers, played Townsmen (I LOVE that game!) on my nook, and did a whole lot of nothing else.

Today I managed to hit the gym by 7:30 am for a 1/2 hour on the elliptical, went and got some pictures of some flowers at the school nearby, showered, and ordered groceries! I would say today has been a success, especially compared to yesterday…

Truth be told, I would love to climb into bed right now and stay there, but I do have an appointment this afternoon, so I am going to upload and edit my pictures, and do some much-needed cleaning.

I hope yesterday was the worst day I am going to have as I continue getting healthy, because it really, really sucked.

And here’s hoping that your Sunday is relaxing, calm, and everything you wish it to be!

My Own Personal Independence Day

Published July 7, 2017 by Angela

Lately it seems like for every step forward, I am taking 4 steps backwards. I really wish that was an exaggeration, but sadly, it isn’t. I feel like everything is spinning out of control, and I am not sure when it started, and how to stop it. I always have great intentions, and feel fantastic that I am going to get my life on track. Then by day 3, I am totally off the rails again.

I really need to ask myself “What do I really want to do with myself, and my life”…and then just do it! Could it really be a fear of change that has me stuck in this place I can’t escape? Now I’m not talking anything crazy like leaving my job I’ve had for over 20 years (and yes, I really do love me job!) or uprooting myself and my kids and moving somewhere else. But I have more than enough time in a day (especially since I only get a couple hours sleep a night) to do many other things. Finish that book I started writing? Creating a new painting? Take a class somewhere? The options, and opportunities, are endless. If only I would take them.

I have finally reached the end of the road for homeschooling, Thank Goodness! I have been living 6 months in my new home, with 3 of my girls, 3 cats, a hamster, a rabbit, and some fish. Things are really going good in almost every aspect of my life…except for my self-image, and how I am taking care of myself not taking very good care of myself.

I really am my own worst enemy, and it needs to stop, and it is going to stop today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I will find the courage to discuss exactly how I let my life go off the rails, but for now I am completely convinced that this day, July 7, 2017, is going to be my personal Independence Day. Independence from the negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

PAOHS Quote 7-7-17

Never My Good Day…

Published March 26, 2017 by Angela

…Sundays, that is. This day more than the others has always been a struggle for me. I am seriously waiting for my laundry to get done so I can go back to bed for the day. 

I have been a roller coaster of emotions for the past week+, and once again am being sucked into the dark hole of depression.

The worst part? I have no one to blame but myself. I brought it on myself this time. Or I guess I should say; again.

I have this ridiculous ability to take the best things in life and make sure I destroy it.

Feeling dark today; hoping tomorrow brings a ray of sunshine; no matter how small and dim.

Wishing all of you, my friends, a Blessed, relaxing Sunday!

I Give Up! Tomorrow is Officially My Day One!

Published March 18, 2017 by Angela

Yes; I just threw in the towel. When it can all go wrong in one day; it will for me.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I am saying piss off to so many things in my life. Just done. So many people trying to break me; but you can’t.

No one knows what I am going through; yes, because I keep it to myself. So from here on out; positive posts. and the rest of you, go to hell. Judge me all you want, but I will still only return love.

 

Today I Choose to Just Be Grateful!

Published March 16, 2017 by Angela

I did not sleep very well last night, and woke up with a very sore back. But my cat alerted me to the 4 deer in our front yard, and it was a wonderful site to see at such an early hour. I am grateful I was awake for it.

I have been grumbling for 5 days about a flooded basement in my new home. It is time to realize my good fortune, and be grateful that I had the ability as a single parent to buy this house for my family.

I wake up most mornings wishing I could sleep a little longer, and not have to go to work. But I will always be grateful for the wonderful job I have had for over 20 years, that has done so much for me, and provided for my family. Many are struggling to find full time employment that will support themselves and their families.

I’ve been spending months complaining about the 50 lbs of weight I have managed to gain over the last two years; yet I make no conscious effort to change that. I have a rowing machine being delivered tomorrow, and am grateful that I am able to exercise and get myself feeling better, and healthier.

I am grateful to have the choice to choose healthy food for myself and my family, when so many have little to no food at all. My cure all for everything that ails me? Honey with the comb, which fits great in these tiny Ball jars to take to work!

Honey in Comb

I am grateful for so many things every single day; but it is not often enough that I take inventory of those things.

What are you grateful for today?

How is My Day 4 Going, You Ask?

Published March 15, 2017 by Angela

I am currently sitting at home, waiting for a plumber to show up and fix my flooded basement. Trying to keep it positive, but I had every intention of running some errands this afternoon, getting to church to help with the youth group, and going to the Lenten service.

It appears that none of this is going to happen……I have a sneaking suspicion of what it is going to cost to fix this mess; knowing what the issue is. At this point, I honestly do not care. I am tired of running into my basement every time someone turns on a faucet. I threw out so many books, pictures, clothes, and shoes that I cannot afford to do that one more time.

So for getting out of work early? Yay! The reason why? Boo.

Here is to tomorrow; but I will make the best of today, and unpack and clean as many things as I can!