children

All posts tagged children

Silence is Golden…

Published December 27, 2014 by Angela

…and I am still enjoying it. Waking up in the morning, drinking coffee in bed, reading books, and watching mindless Netflix. Napping in the afternoon, not having to cook food, take someone somewhere, go anywhere unless if I choose to, and making being lazy an art form.

I am missing my girls, and truly hoping, and praying several times a day, that they are enjoying themselves, and are okay. I am not going to pretend it is easy having them away for so long, but I am making sure I use up every moment to do the little things I do not ordinarily get to enjoy. Meaning, doing a whole bunch of nothing.

I have to do the Scripture readings at my church’s early service tomorrow, I have a dinner date with my boyfriend and oldest daughter tomorrow or Monday, and a visit to a friend’s house on Monday afternoon. Other than that, I have absolutely nothing I have to do, and no where I need to be, before I return to work on Monday, January 5th.

I am most definitely going to use this time to get myself in a great place feeling rested, relaxed, and recharged. I hope you are able to get some type of personal break as well, and get recharged and ready for the new year. I have BIG things planned for myself and my girls for 2015, and I cannot wait to share that with all of you!

Frosted Leaves and books 10-19-2014 035

As November Comes To A Close…

Published November 30, 2014 by Angela

…I cannot help but question the means and manner I am likely to wish my December away as well; in a hurry for this Christmas season to just be done already, and a new year to begin. I am unsure what is different this year, compared to last year when I thoroughly enjoyed the entire Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I am sure there were days when I was not in the best of moods, but this complete blanket of the blues that I cannot get out from under is really wearing on me.

Some things I know that are not helping; the non-stop bickering of my children. Case in point; this is exactly what I have been listening to for the past hour: Erin and Cassidy are bickering over the most ridiculous crap that I would honestly just like to knock their noggins together and see if it brings some sense to them. Erin is yelling at Cassidy because she is playing Mario, and Erin does not want to listen to the music from the video game. She is also fighting with Cassidy because she is listening to music via headphones (that Erin cannot hear) and whenever Erin does 2 things at once, Cassidy yells at her.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What in the hokey hell is wrong with these two? Erin is pissed because Cassidy always gets her way, and is telling Cassidy she is an idiot. Cassidy is telling Erin she always gets her way, and to stop acting like a brat. I just let them both know if I hear one more word out of either of them, they will both go upstairs, to the bedroom they share, and they can stay in there for the entire day and fight it out amongst themselves.

So anyhow, back to me and this depression that has taken hold of me. There have been some life changes going on with me, and I am not quite sure how they could possibly be playing a role in me feeling as terrible as I do.

I got a new position at work that I signed a posting for. It took me off from third shift, and back to first shift. Definitely a bonus, but it involved a significant pay cut. I have also had several unexpected expenses come up, such as having my car go to the shop twice in two months. I also doubled my car payment and insurance prior to this pay cut, and have had to dig into my savings account much more than I ever wanted to. I have had other expenses happen as well, and to say I am stressing about Christmas gifts is truly an understatement. And no matter how many times I told my girls I took a pay cut, they do not seem to care one way or the other; it is non-stop “I want, I want, I want…”

My year + of sobriety hit the curb for a couple of weeks, but I am back on track. The 30+ lbs I initially lost when I quit drinking has slowly found its way back to me. I can admit that yes, I did get too thin, and needed to put about 10 lbs back on. Well, I indeed managed that. Along with another 20 lbs from stress eating that now has me not only depressed, but now feeling very unhealthy and uncomfortable.

I am tired. So very tired, all of the time. I am doing all of the housework, and yes, I have tried just leaving things until my girls can no longer stand it and they start helping. Other than their bedrooms and laundry, all of their other messes infringe on my living areas as well, and therefore my comfort levels. They will literally not empty the kitchen garbage, even if they throw something in there and it falls out on the floor because it is already overfilled. It does not bother them to live in a messy house. It absolutely drives me bonkers.

The only motivation I have as of late is to stay in my bedroom with my cat, my books, and Netflix to pass the time.

I certainly hope that the extra vitamins I bought yesterday, along with my Prozac and Xanax, bring about a quick change to my terrible sadness. I hate feeling like this, and really did not expect the long Michigan winter that began on Halloween to effect me so negatively this year, since it did not last year.

I am now more than ever relying on my faith,and making an effort to bury myself in reading the bible daily, and watching anything and everything that is inspirational and reminds me of how truly lucky and blessed I am, even if I am momentarily blue.

Please let it be momentarily!

…and my 16 year old just asked when I was going to cook dinner…….WTH. I am not eating it, I am dieting. The thought for her to cook it would never cross her mind, or any of the other girls’ for that matter.

I Guessed That Spot On – I Am Ready To Go Back To Work!

Published November 26, 2014 by Angela

Stressed Mom 1I will honestly say that I woke up this morning angry at the world. I am tired, and all of my girls were up before I even opened my bedroom door to come downstairs. Normally I am lucky enough to get an hour or two of alone time before they start making their way downstairs. Why they insist on fighting like cats-and-dogs is beyond me, but I have had enough of it; and no, it is not even noon 😦

Stressed Mom 2So, after I spend what is likely to be hours at our local Secretary of State office so my 16 year old can get her license, there is one of two things that is going to happen. Either they are all going to bed until their attitudes change, or I am going to bed until their attitudes change. Because yeah, if they change their attitudes, I might not feel like such a bitch today.

Just being honest; I really see no point of lying on a blog. What would be the point of the blog if I did? On the up side, the only thing I need to do in preparation for Thanksgiving dinner is cook some rolls 🙂

I promise tomorrow I will be thankful for the blessings in my life. Today is not a national holiday, so I am opting to use my freedom of expression and let the bitch in me be free!

As a note, I have never, am not currently, and will never be the Mom that can stay home with her children. I love them with every fiber in my being, but my girls and I all realized that there is such as thing as too much togetherness for us.

I Was Probably Happy Much Too Soon…

Published November 20, 2014 by Angela

…about having one more day of work, and then 9 days off. Because as I sit here, I have 3 girls bickering over the most ridiculous BS possible. Cassidy wants to sit on the love seat, but Erin doesn’t want her sitting by her. So Erin asked Kendall to sit on the end of the couch where she is laying down, and she said No.

“Kendall, why can’t she sit at the end of the couch where there is room?”

“I wasn’t listening to her.”

“So you just answered No, when you have no idea what she asked?”

Yep.”

So now I am thinking maybe having extended days at home is not going to be a good thing. Luckily Kendall and Cassidy have 2 1/2 days of school next week, ending Wednesday afternoon. That gives me a couple days of quiet to get ahead on my reading and house organizing. At least until they get home from school.

I will be the first to admit, I could never, and would never, be able to stay at home full-time with my children. So if you are anti-Moms-working-you-need-to-stay-home-and-take-care-of-the-kids-you-had, save your breath. Just because I had them, does not mean it is the best interest of any of us to have too much together time 🙂 Me going to work for 9 hours and coming home gives me something to look forward to; dinner with my girls, and getting caught up on how everyone’s day was. I tried to be the working mom with the stay-at-home husband/dad; it wasn’t my fault he was an epic failure at that! It is honestly easier to do everything on my own, then to ever have to deal with him on a daily basis 🙂

Well Now I Have Seen It All!

Published November 14, 2014 by Angela

My children are watching videos of people playing video games.

Funny video games quote

People playing video games!

Oh my goodness. If it wasn’t snowing and 20 degrees out, I would chuck them all out the front door and make them go to the park.

Yes, I know they could be reading books, doing crafts, etc. etc.

Honestly, I have been having a week. And they are being quiet. And I need quiet. So they can watch videos of people playing video games.

So tomorrow I will put a stop to what has to be the laziest thing possible to ever do; watch others play video games.

Honestly, I still can’t believe it…people recording themselves playing their video games, and others watching it. I would rather they played the games themselves. At least they would be doing something.

Yes, Because I Am The Mom Really Is The Answer, and I Have Every Right To Say It…

Published November 13, 2014 by Angela

…if it stops a disagreement with a 16 year old teenage girl.

Pouting teenager

When my 16 year old daughter tells me that she has to be somewhere on Monday for tryouts to join yet another activity, I feel I have every right to ask why she is telling me, instead of asking me.

Her answer? “I have talked about this all summer long. You know I have.” ummmm, no I do not. I would remember one of my children wanting to do yet another activity that uses my money, gas and mileage on the car, and time dropping off and picking up.

Her reply again? “It is just one activity, and you have no problem with me taking care of your kids, so why can’t I do this one thing?”

WHOA. Back this train wreck up that you are about to have. I worked 3rd shift. So yes, she “took care of” her sisters while I was working. And they were all sleeping. Sorry for the difficulty.

And she keeps shoving her foot further into her mouth…”Why if I have the money to do this can you still tell me no?”

“BECAUSE I AM THE MOM.” Not to mention you do NOT have any money, you have no vehicle, and you have no job.

So Yes, that is why I get to say “Because I am your Mother and I said so” and you don’t get to do anything about it but mope around the house.

I am really getting beyond tired of the attitudes in this house full of girls, while I try to keep a positive attitude for my own well-being. I really wish my city would start putting Midol in the water supply…

And This Is Exactly Why I Wish You Would Just Stay Away…

Published November 12, 2014 by Angela

…because since last Saturday, I have been asked, e-v-e-r-y  s-i-n-g-l-e  d-a-y “When is Dad coming to get us again?” “Is Dad going to get us for Christmas Break?” “Can you call Dad and see if he can go to my basketball game Saturday?” and it goes on-and-on-and-on.

Why does this bother me? Because he made a surprise appearance at my front door, 11 months to the day of the last time he saw his (MY) children. And now I get to deal with this. And the crying, and being upset, and brand new feelings of abandonment when he does not show up again for 11 months. And they were just starting to heal from the last time he did this.

So once again I get to pick up the broken pieces, and deal with the brunt of their anger because he is not around to take it.

Someone is not going to have a happy Christmas, and I guarantee you it will not be my children or myself. He is NOT going to break them again; they can only be put back together so many times before it becomes irreparable.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is to just go away. And if you are someone who is reading this and angry about this post and feel I am being unfair to their “Father”, I am more than willing to post a 10,000 word blog on how he has wronged his children, over and over again. Not to even mention how he destroyed our marriage and relationships between my family members and myself in the process.

So as one of my favorite Motley Crue songs states…”Don’t go away mad, just go away.” Except in this case I could not care less if he is mad. I’ve been mad for 8 years at what he continues to do to avoid taking any responsibility for these girls.

The Things That Used To Frustrate Me The Most…

Published November 3, 2014 by Angela

…now bring a smile to my face  🙂 Yes, just like that, but bigger.

Case-in-point:

I announced in the living room on Thursday, while all of my girls were in there and I had their attention; that their clothes hamper was starting to overflow (it is located in the hall outside of our 3 bedroom doors) and someone should probably think about starting laundry before they run out of something they need.

I told them the same thing Friday, and I also told them Saturday.  They were looking at me, so I knew they heard me; they just didn’t care at the time.

Fast-Forward to Monday morning, 6:05am, I am about to head out the door to work, and 16 year old is getting in the shower.

“Ugh. Why are there no bath towels in the closet?”

Me: “Probably because none of you girls took it upon yourselves to do the laundry after I had warned you 3 times.” And I left for work.

I have no idea what she used to dry herself off with, but I am about 98% sure that there will be laundry getting done tonight. I wash all of my clothes by themselves (i.e. not with my kids laundry) and I do 1 or 2 loads of laundry every Sunday. I have clothes and bath towels for the week, and whether or not they do is not my issue.

See, I used to feel responsible for making sure they had clean clothes, but all that happened was that I was always doing their chores and they were not learning any responsibility. So a few days of no bath towels or clean bras usually gets them back on task.

Honestly, if you can drive a car, kiss a boy, or swear at your sisters, you can start the washer and dryer.