parenting

All posts tagged parenting

So About Day Two of This Journey of Mine…

Published March 14, 2017 by Angela

…which was yesterday…. YIKES… good grief I have got to be stronger, more patient, slow down, open my ears, and close my mouth. I am not trying to feel discouraged that day 2 was a total bust, and that I should just go back to Day 1. Lesson(s) learned.

You Know You're Stressed 3-14-17

So my Day 3 is going better, and I am hoping for a quiet, uneventful night at home after I get out of work. This should be fairly simple to accomplish, as I intend on getting dinner on the way home from work, and doing absolutely nothing else besides reading or crosswords.

From my morning reading of “Hands Free Life”, by Rachel Macy Stafford:

“The next time you yearn to fill the spaces of your life and be all there, try using the visual image of physically removing the heavy clock from around your neck. Feel the weight being lifted off your chest as you give yourself permission to be in one place and one place only. Remind yourself these are the spaces where real living occurs and you have every right to devote time and attention to the most important spaces of life” (Stafford, 2015, pg. 42).

I know I have a very difficult time relaxing, especially when I see things around me that need to be done. I feel guilty when I am doing “nothing”, and I need to start seeing my down-time as when I can relax, recharge, and get myself balanced. It is okay to not get everything done at once.

I am sure I will be telling myself this every day for a very, very long time until I master this one task that seems so easy, yet is so very hard for me.

How To Stress Out Your Mom…

Published May 19, 2016 by Angela

Stressed Mom 3

  1. Get a letter in the mail the high school sends in March, letting her know you are in danger of graduating.
  2. Do not let her see that letter, or mention anything about the above situation.
  3. Make her pay $250.00 for your cap, gown, and invitations.
  4. Make her spend $40.00 on stamps, and $80.00 on photos for the invitations.
  5. Make her find addresses and fill all of them out, and get them in the mail.
  6. Continue to NOT tell her there is a chance you are not graduating at all.
  7. Tell her on Monday, at 2 pm, that she has until 3 pm, that day, to pay $161.00 for your band camp bill, or you do not get to receive your diploma.
  8. Again; continue to NOT tell her there is a chance you are not graduating at all.
  9. Let your school counselor call her at work to tell her to get ahold of you and tell you to get to the school, or you are not graduating.
  10. WHAT???
  11. Tell your Mom you are doing your best, but you just do not think you can get it done in time.
  12. Again; do not mention the letter sent to her in March that you opened and disposed of.
  13. Let your Mom call the school counselor 2 hours later, and have the counselor tell Mommy that they sent a letter in March.
  14. Let your Mom find out that you have one more assignment to do, that has to be turned in that day, but you have to work that night.

Stressed Mom 4

I wish I could truly express the amount, and severity, of emotions I was going through for a couple days. But honestly, I would not wish that on my worst enemy. And I have a few.

She passed her class, and she will be graduating with the rest of her class.

And I will be so happy to have the graduation done, the open house finished, and I can go on my merry way, worrying about the 2 girls I still have at home….

UGH

 

It’s Getting Close!

Published May 10, 2016 by Angela

Am I too excited? Probably. Feeling stressed about getting the open house invites out, getting the decorations and centerpieces, and still homeschooling a 9th grader.

DSC_0036

But my soon-to-be graduate is working again, and she is as ready to fly the coop as I am to see her go.

Keep in mind; I have 2 teenagers here sharing a room that are eying the real estate!

Cat Life

The Cats don’t care. Just give them peace-and-quiet!

 

The one thing I know about her more than anything, and the reason we butt heads so much..is I was exactly like her growing up.

Hoping for the best, planning for the worst, and living it all day-by-day.

 

Why You Suck As A Father Part II

Published August 14, 2015 by Angela

Yes, I am going to be that Mom-Ex for a minute.

Okay, for a few weeks, more than likely. In case if you missed my first rant of why the dad-who-disappeared is stressing me out, you can read that here: Why an Absentee Father Should Disappear Again

So, you may have read it, or you didn’t. But I will fill you in on some backstory.

I got divorced nearly 9 years ago. For the past 7 years, the ex has picked up our girls for one week a year; at Christmas. He doesn’t pay child support. He doesn’t call them on their birthdays. He does not try to contact them except to let me know he is getting them over Christmas break.

So suddenly, he moves back into town.

And when I say back into town, I mean he is living at a local campground in a tent.

So although my 10 and 14 year old are more than able to go spend weekends with him, my 17-year-old senior in high school is not. Why not? Because she is the Drum Major for the marching band. She is on the Varsity Volleyball team. She has a job. And she is working on scholarship applications already because she knows I am very limited on how I can pay her tuition.

So what does he do? He ignores her.

When I get home from working 10 hours today to have my 14 year old say to me “Dad is picking us up tomorrow before he goes to work. For a surprise. But we don’t know what is going on. He will drop us back off before he goes to work.”

ME: “Is 17-year-old part of this surprise?”

14-year-old: “I don’t think so.”

Who does this? What kind of “father” punishes his daughter for trying to be the best person she can be? If you have not read that post I linked to above yet, you should probably read it now.

I am so beyond upset and stressed because he is back disrupting our lives, but I do know it will not be for long. I told him a long time ago……”When your kids get older, they will not have time for you…just like you do not have time for them now.”

The More Things Change…

Published April 22, 2015 by Angela

…the more they really do stay the same. Such as parenting. In my case; single parenting. I have been a single parent longer than I haven’t, so it really is the only way of life I know.

As each child grows up and sets new goals, and reaches new milestones, it seems there is another coming right behind them and I get the re-runs of what the first (or second, or third!) one did, with the next one doing the same exact things, only with their own style and flair.

My fourth daughter will never, EVER be able to get anything past me. Not only have her 3 older sisters done and said it all, I remember I basically did the same things myself to my parents when I was growing up.

They do grow up, and move out, and get jobs, but they are still every bit as important to me, and I do not worry one bit less about them as they go from being my little girl to being an adult.

I would be lying if I said I was not anxious to have my kids grown and out of the house. And I try not to lie. Does that make me a bad mom? I know some who think that it does. But when your entire life revolves around your children; their wants, their needs, their achievements, and their failures, you do start to forget what it was you were supposed to be doing with your life. When you do it as a single parent (a single parent who has children that do not visit their father for more than 5 days over Christmas each year), you do sometimes feel like you are drowning in what everyone else wants and needs.

What were the goals I had when I was their ages? I honestly do not remember anymore.

When was the last day that I did not have to take someone somewhere, pick someone up, or have extra kids in my house? It has been so long, I don’t remember that either.

I know I need to take time for myself, and it is not like I don’t try to do just that. But by the time I get done taking care of the responsibilities I have as a parent, there is no time left for me.

Do I love my girls? More than anything! Do I regret having children? Not for a second. But that does not make me a bad person or mother because I am anxiously awaiting my empty nest 🙂

I also get told all the time that I will look back on this time and regret wishing my girls would grow up. Honestly, they are spaced 13 years apart from oldest to youngest, so mathematically, by the time the youngest one is out of the house, I will be well beyond ready for my empty nest.

My oldest is graduating from college in 3 days; I love her, and she was honestly the best behaved out of my four girls, but that certainly does not mean I wish she was 6 years old again. Or 12, or 15.

Thanks, but no thanks. That’s what memories are for; and I will have a heart full to think about, in my empty nest, all peaceful and quiet.

The Things That Used To Frustrate Me The Most…

Published November 3, 2014 by Angela

…now bring a smile to my face  🙂 Yes, just like that, but bigger.

Case-in-point:

I announced in the living room on Thursday, while all of my girls were in there and I had their attention; that their clothes hamper was starting to overflow (it is located in the hall outside of our 3 bedroom doors) and someone should probably think about starting laundry before they run out of something they need.

I told them the same thing Friday, and I also told them Saturday.  They were looking at me, so I knew they heard me; they just didn’t care at the time.

Fast-Forward to Monday morning, 6:05am, I am about to head out the door to work, and 16 year old is getting in the shower.

“Ugh. Why are there no bath towels in the closet?”

Me: “Probably because none of you girls took it upon yourselves to do the laundry after I had warned you 3 times.” And I left for work.

I have no idea what she used to dry herself off with, but I am about 98% sure that there will be laundry getting done tonight. I wash all of my clothes by themselves (i.e. not with my kids laundry) and I do 1 or 2 loads of laundry every Sunday. I have clothes and bath towels for the week, and whether or not they do is not my issue.

See, I used to feel responsible for making sure they had clean clothes, but all that happened was that I was always doing their chores and they were not learning any responsibility. So a few days of no bath towels or clean bras usually gets them back on task.

Honestly, if you can drive a car, kiss a boy, or swear at your sisters, you can start the washer and dryer.