raising girls

All posts tagged raising girls

And So It Begins In West Michigan…

Published November 17, 2014 by Angela

…a Winter season that is looking to be as bad as everyone predicted, which is even worse than last year. It is currently 6:15pm here, on November 17th, and there are 104 closings for evening events that were scheduled. I think the school closings will start coming in by about 10 pm.

Another thing that I get out of the Winter season is numerous Doctor, Med-center, and Emergency room visits. Case in point: a 5:00 am trip to the ER this morning with my 16 year old. She has asthma, and as soon as the temperature gets to a certain degree outside, she is pretty much miserable for the entire Winter season. I spent $55.00 on an OTC nebulizer at the pharmacy yesterday which seemed to help, momentarily. Her other inhalers were not doing the trick. But this morning by the time I got out of the shower and dressed for work, she asked to go to the emergency room. I know better than to second guess or question her when she asks, because she will suffer in silence until she can absolutely not deal with it any longer.

And that other lovely side effect of bad Michigan Winters is lots of snow days for my girls. Which means lots of phone calls at work for me, because they cannot get along. Sometimes they do spectacular together, other days, they really all just need to be in separate rooms.

And the worst side effect is that I get seasonal depression. Which is much worse than my regular depression I deal with on a daily basis. As soon as the time changed and it started getting dark at 5:30 pm, I have been short of patience. I have plenty of books on my reading list, and my best defense against this very real seasonal depression is laying in my comfortable bed with my cat, reading great stories.

How do you handle the Winter weather if you are in a snowy state?

Well Now I Have Seen It All!

Published November 14, 2014 by Angela

My children are watching videos of people playing video games.

Funny video games quote

People playing video games!

Oh my goodness. If it wasn’t snowing and 20 degrees out, I would chuck them all out the front door and make them go to the park.

Yes, I know they could be reading books, doing crafts, etc. etc.

Honestly, I have been having a week. And they are being quiet. And I need quiet. So they can watch videos of people playing video games.

So tomorrow I will put a stop to what has to be the laziest thing possible to ever do; watch others play video games.

Honestly, I still can’t believe it…people recording themselves playing their video games, and others watching it. I would rather they played the games themselves. At least they would be doing something.

And This Is Exactly Why I Wish You Would Just Stay Away…

Published November 12, 2014 by Angela

…because since last Saturday, I have been asked, e-v-e-r-y  s-i-n-g-l-e  d-a-y “When is Dad coming to get us again?” “Is Dad going to get us for Christmas Break?” “Can you call Dad and see if he can go to my basketball game Saturday?” and it goes on-and-on-and-on.

Why does this bother me? Because he made a surprise appearance at my front door, 11 months to the day of the last time he saw his (MY) children. And now I get to deal with this. And the crying, and being upset, and brand new feelings of abandonment when he does not show up again for 11 months. And they were just starting to heal from the last time he did this.

So once again I get to pick up the broken pieces, and deal with the brunt of their anger because he is not around to take it.

Someone is not going to have a happy Christmas, and I guarantee you it will not be my children or myself. He is NOT going to break them again; they can only be put back together so many times before it becomes irreparable.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is to just go away. And if you are someone who is reading this and angry about this post and feel I am being unfair to their “Father”, I am more than willing to post a 10,000 word blog on how he has wronged his children, over and over again. Not to even mention how he destroyed our marriage and relationships between my family members and myself in the process.

So as one of my favorite Motley Crue songs states…”Don’t go away mad, just go away.” Except in this case I could not care less if he is mad. I’ve been mad for 8 years at what he continues to do to avoid taking any responsibility for these girls.

Always Receiving, Never Giving…

Published November 10, 2014 by Angela

…has me very baffled at where my children have gotten their sense of entitlement from.

They always want something, but do not understand the concept of working for anything. I am really, honestly trying to determine if I have somehow created this problem myself (I feel I have, to a point) and how to fix it.

For the past week, I have been bombarded with “I need”, “I want”, and “Can you do this for me…”. I have not once heard “Let me help”, “Can I help?”, or “What can I do?”. I have been angry at the world and everyone around me because of this. It has not been a good week to be in my head, with the slightest thing setting me off to an entire day of not-in-a-good-mood-leave-me-alone-and-stop-talking-to-me attitude. Yes, my attitude has been that big.

My girls have watched me struggle to make ends meet, work 70 hour weeks to pay the bills, run on no sleep because they have so many things going on, and no personal time for myself. I find it beyond upsetting that they are completely okay with this.

We had a great experience at our church this Saturday when we packaged over 10,000 meals for a local food shelter, emergency reserves, and a 3rd world country where food is scarce. Being told that in the first hour we were there 600 children aged 5 and under had died from hunger was like a punch in the stomach for me. Hunger upsets me and breaks my heart more than any other plight I can think of. Worse than those sad-abused animal commercials, and I love animals! I always buy extra groceries during the holiday season to donate, and every week I buy extra health care products to donate a couple times a year to a local woman’s shelter.

So how can anyone who has been raised by me, live in the same home as me, and know what my values are, just ask for things they do not need, deserve, and certainly haven’t earned?

I have a feeling I am going to have 3 young ladies in my house that are going to get a reality check like no other reality check, and our Christmas is going to be a little bit different this year. Instead of me shopping for them, I think it is time we go shopping together and use some of the money that would have been spent on them on others who have a true need.

This coming Friday, November 14th, I am taking them to see Kirk Cameron’s “Saving Christmas“, and I hope this is the wake-up call that they so desperately need right now. If you have not heard about his latest project, be sure to check it out here: http://www.savingchristmas.com/

Being The Bigger Person…

Published November 2, 2014 by Angela

…for the sake of my girls. We were all surprised when their Father and his girlfriend showed up at our home today. My 16 year old had her final marching band highlights concert tonight and she is one of the drum majors. They came up to surprise her and attend this half-time highlights concert.

My beautiful 16 year old daughter and Drum Major for the marching band. I could not be more proud or blessed!

My beautiful 16 year old daughter and Drum Major for the marching band. I could not be more proud or blessed!

So they took the 3 girls out to eat, and then went to the concert. My boyfriend and I sat next to them and we all had a good time. They were unsure if they would be staying at a hotel for the night or not, and would let me know. My boyfriend dropped me off at home, I turned on the radio, and finished cleaning the house, which is so much easier to do when there are no kids here!

So the next message I get is from his girlfriend wanting to ask me a question…if they cannot find a hotel to stay in could they possibly stay on the floor for the night so they can spend time with the girls.

I said yes, I did not have a problem with that. My girls would be heartbroken to not spend as much time with him as possible. In the end he decided he was not comfortable with it, but they did want to hang out with them for a while. So while I was in the kitchen doing my homework and editing some photos and book reviews, they were playing the WII and enjoying themselves.

I was not pleased when the girlfriend finally got me alone and asked if they could take my 13 year old, Erin, for 2 weeks and then bring her back. She is my homeschooler, and thinks she would do better living with her father. I said absolutely not, she was not at a point where this type of adjustment, even for 2 weeks, would do her any good.

I wasn’t surprised either…

So I did my good Mommy deed for the day, week, month, year, whatever 🙂 I honestly did not mind, and was very happy my girls got to spend some time with their dad and his girlfriend.

Just In The Nick Of Time!

Published October 29, 2014 by Angela

We had pumpkin carving tonight for our Wednesday night church classes (WOW) Worship on Wednesday. This is the only way my girls were likely going to be carving pumpkins. I completely blew this task off last year, and am still being told a couple of them cried because of it. I hardly think so because 1) if they were crying about it, I would remember it, and 2) I am not that mean.

WOW Halloween Celebration 10-29-2014 023

So yeah, I do not like carving pumpkins. I did not really care for it when I was a kid, either. The only thing I dislike more than carving pumpkins is coloring Easter eggs. Yep; I can’t stand doing that either. But in my defense, every single Easter, I have 4 dozen colored eggs sitting in my refrigerator for weeks.

My two favorite holidays, and I dislike the two most popular things about those holidays 🙂

So now that that is over, I hope everyone has a safe, fun-filled Halloween. I am officially down to 1 child trick-or-treating, and since it is supposed to snow here in Michigan, by Friday I will be thinking that it is 1 too many!

How Would You Like Me To Reward Your Bad Behavior?

Published October 26, 2014 by Angela

A $75.00 gift card to Amazon?

What?

I was almost speechless, but only for about 2 seconds. My dear 13 year old had an attitude yesterday morning when I told her she needed to get ready to go to her younger sister’s first basketball game. She did not want to go. I explained to her that she needed to go to support her sister, and that her sister would be very upset and hurt to look up in the stands and see everyone there but her. Well, her Dad also, but I think she has pretty much written him off anyhow.

Basketball in hoop

So she was intentionally doing everything in her power to make us late, thinking I would finally give in and just let her stay home. I also was not leaving the house without her, no matter how late we ended up getting to the game.

I think she realized this, as she was at least getting dressed, however slowly. She finally made it to the front door and said “I need to brush my hair.”

“No, you don’t. It looks fine.” More angry-face-crappy-attitude-stomping-of-feet all the way to the car. Did I mention she is 13 years old?

So now I am slowly drinking my coffee, waiting for the 8am mark so I can go get her up to go to her confirmation classes, which she has missed for the last two weeks. I told her yesterday if she did not get up and go to her confirmation classes, and I did not care if she was throwing up all over herself (yeah, I said that. This girl plays the “sick” card like it is her profession), she would not have the laptop left in the mornings to do her homeschooling, and she would spend every evening at the kitchen table with me doing her homework while I do mine.

So here’s to a beautiful Sunday, full of sunshine and Blessings!

Still holding on through the cold weather!

Still holding on through the cold weather!

Sometimes You Just Have To Let It Go…

Published October 21, 2014 by Angela

…and I hope to goodness you do not have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the night! If you do, I am sorry beyond apologies.

I can only fight with my girls for so long, before I need to let it go and let them be responsible for the consequences of their actions. Me trying to fix their mistakes will teach them nothing. Even if letting them make those mistakes is something I will pay for later.

And I will.

I always do.

But I cannot expect them to respect themselves for the decisions they make if I do not truly let them make those decisions.

So you want to ignore your homeschooling assignments for the day? Go ahead. But what are you going to do tomorrow? Or the next day? Or on the weekend when I have nothing better to do than to sit next to you in a chair and make sure you get your homeschooling work caught up?

Because I have nothing but time. Nothing but time on the weekends to read books and look over your shoulder while you do 5 days worth of work in two days. And rest assured, I will make sure you do it.

When You Are Always Wrong…

Published October 17, 2014 by Angela

…no matter what you say or do. This is what my girls and I have been going through for the last couple of weeks. I am not quite sure what is happening or why, but things have become very tense in our home, between the girls, and between the girls and I. Yes; some of it is hormones. When you have 4 daughters, you have hormones. But I cannot blame hormones for all of this.

I am willing to take some of the blame. I have managed to get myself involved in a lot of different things that have made my schedule especially chaotic. I have less than 3 weeks left for my college class for my MBA, and then I do not have any more classes for the rest of this year. This is a great relief for me, and I am hoping I can actually enjoy the holiday season this year as much as I did last year. I have been short-tempered with my girls when they cannot do the most basic of chores or even pick up after themselves.

Are you really incapable of taking that glass you drank your milk from back into the kitchen and in the sink, since you are walking out there anyways to bring some other food or drink item into the living room? Every day when I get home, and every morning when I get up for the day, there are various dirty dishes all over the coffee table, end tables, sitting on the floor next to the couch, rocking chair, or anywhere else they feel the need to leave their stuff.

We will not even begin discussing having 4 ladies using one bathroom! I could do a show; “Big Hormones, Little Home.”

What I definitely know because I am always wrong; is that it means I am the Mom. And that I am doing something right. Because if my teens and preteen agreed with me, I would be acting like their friend, and not their Mother. So I will take this any day over the alternative!