raising teenagers

All posts tagged raising teenagers

Why You Suck As A Father Part II

Published August 14, 2015 by Angela

Yes, I am going to be that Mom-Ex for a minute.

Okay, for a few weeks, more than likely. In case if you missed my first rant of why the dad-who-disappeared is stressing me out, you can read that here: Why an Absentee Father Should Disappear Again

So, you may have read it, or you didn’t. But I will fill you in on some backstory.

I got divorced nearly 9 years ago. For the past 7 years, the ex has picked up our girls for one week a year; at Christmas. He doesn’t pay child support. He doesn’t call them on their birthdays. He does not try to contact them except to let me know he is getting them over Christmas break.

So suddenly, he moves back into town.

And when I say back into town, I mean he is living at a local campground in a tent.

So although my 10 and 14 year old are more than able to go spend weekends with him, my 17-year-old senior in high school is not. Why not? Because she is the Drum Major for the marching band. She is on the Varsity Volleyball team. She has a job. And she is working on scholarship applications already because she knows I am very limited on how I can pay her tuition.

So what does he do? He ignores her.

When I get home from working 10 hours today to have my 14 year old say to me “Dad is picking us up tomorrow before he goes to work. For a surprise. But we don’t know what is going on. He will drop us back off before he goes to work.”

ME: “Is 17-year-old part of this surprise?”

14-year-old: “I don’t think so.”

Who does this? What kind of “father” punishes his daughter for trying to be the best person she can be? If you have not read that post I linked to above yet, you should probably read it now.

I am so beyond upset and stressed because he is back disrupting our lives, but I do know it will not be for long. I told him a long time ago……”When your kids get older, they will not have time for you…just like you do not have time for them now.”

Top 10 Reasons an Absentee-Father Should Go Absent Again…

Published August 13, 2015 by Angela

10) He believes it is okay to disrupt your children’s very busy, very scheduled daily lives.

9) He does not feel the need to apologize to your children for only seeing them once a week each year, for the past several years.

8) He gets mad at one of them because they do not have time to come stay with him for a night or two.

7) He cannot stop telling you what a great idea it would be for one of your children to live with him full-time…when he finds a place to live; that is…he is currently living at a local campground, in a tent.

6) He truly believes he knows how to be a parent, even though he obviously has had no experience at it. You know; because he disappeared and all.

5) He comes to places where you are hanging out with your 3 children, but he will not talk to or even acknowledge the one who does not have time to stay in his tent at the campground. But acts like father-of-the-year with the other two.

4) He will not answer your phone calls or text messages when you ask when he will be bringing your children back home.

3) He refuses to pay child support or buy them things that they need; but is perfectly okay with letting you know what those things are so you can buy them.

2) He does not accept the children for who they are, and their individualism. He believes they are “broke” and need to be fixed.

1) He cannot, and will not, ever see the fact that it is he who is broken, and needs to be fixed.

My New Boyfriend Likes It

Published June 14, 2015 by Angela

Remember that perfume you spent days looking for as a Christmas gift?

My new boyfriend likes it.

Remember that new restaurant we were going to try out?

My new boyfriend likes it.

Remember how I got “emotional” and showed my feelings?

My new boyfriend likes it.

Remember how we couldn’t do family things because you already raised your kids?

My new boyfriend likes it.

Remember how I could not get mad at you, otherwise I had anger issues?

My new boyfriend likes it.

Remember how the last time we went through this you said you would never forget how it hurt?

My new boyfriend likes it.

And so do I.

Because I will finally stand up for myself, and my wants, my needs, and more than anything; my kids.

Because I have someone that has decided to love me because of my flaws, and not in spite of my flaws.

And my daughters like that.

If You Could Smack Someone Upside the Head with No Consequences, Who Would You Smack?

Published May 31, 2015 by Angela

See? You had a person in mind, didn’t you? Immediately, there is one person who came to mind. You would love to just box their ears and be able to walk away. They wouldn’t be mad, and you wouldn’t get in trouble.

I, too, have such a person. A person who has went out of their way to try to irritate me, get under my skin, and make me upset. For such a long time that it got old years ago.

Really; who does this to other people? Who does this to other people and gets so much enjoyment from it? What type of person is so low on self-esteem that the only way they can feel good about themselves is to tear other people down?

Yeah; I have that person in my life. I bet you do as well.

Do you wonder what makes them tick? And even more than that, do you wonder what you can do to get back at them?

I do. Every day. Every. Single. Day. I recently told someone that I know God put this person in my life to test me, and make me a better person. But when is He going to make them be a better person?

It gets painful always turning the other cheek. Especially when you get smacked every time you do.

So just take a minute, close your eyes, and imagine smacking that person upside their cinder-block-head, walking away, and no repercussions.

Do you feel better now?

I know I do 🙂

The More Things Change…

Published April 22, 2015 by Angela

…the more they really do stay the same. Such as parenting. In my case; single parenting. I have been a single parent longer than I haven’t, so it really is the only way of life I know.

As each child grows up and sets new goals, and reaches new milestones, it seems there is another coming right behind them and I get the re-runs of what the first (or second, or third!) one did, with the next one doing the same exact things, only with their own style and flair.

My fourth daughter will never, EVER be able to get anything past me. Not only have her 3 older sisters done and said it all, I remember I basically did the same things myself to my parents when I was growing up.

They do grow up, and move out, and get jobs, but they are still every bit as important to me, and I do not worry one bit less about them as they go from being my little girl to being an adult.

I would be lying if I said I was not anxious to have my kids grown and out of the house. And I try not to lie. Does that make me a bad mom? I know some who think that it does. But when your entire life revolves around your children; their wants, their needs, their achievements, and their failures, you do start to forget what it was you were supposed to be doing with your life. When you do it as a single parent (a single parent who has children that do not visit their father for more than 5 days over Christmas each year), you do sometimes feel like you are drowning in what everyone else wants and needs.

What were the goals I had when I was their ages? I honestly do not remember anymore.

When was the last day that I did not have to take someone somewhere, pick someone up, or have extra kids in my house? It has been so long, I don’t remember that either.

I know I need to take time for myself, and it is not like I don’t try to do just that. But by the time I get done taking care of the responsibilities I have as a parent, there is no time left for me.

Do I love my girls? More than anything! Do I regret having children? Not for a second. But that does not make me a bad person or mother because I am anxiously awaiting my empty nest 🙂

I also get told all the time that I will look back on this time and regret wishing my girls would grow up. Honestly, they are spaced 13 years apart from oldest to youngest, so mathematically, by the time the youngest one is out of the house, I will be well beyond ready for my empty nest.

My oldest is graduating from college in 3 days; I love her, and she was honestly the best behaved out of my four girls, but that certainly does not mean I wish she was 6 years old again. Or 12, or 15.

Thanks, but no thanks. That’s what memories are for; and I will have a heart full to think about, in my empty nest, all peaceful and quiet.

Staying Ahead of the Game!

Published January 17, 2015 by Angela

I have big plans this weekend of getting Erin ahead on her homeschooling assessments. Her school requires that she completes Educational and Technology assignments, which goes over using your computer, good study habits, being safe on the internet, and the like. This is one of two classes that actually has both semester’s worth of assignments available.

I know the feeling!

I know the feeling!

Her grades ending this semester are mediocre at best, and I am trying to develop a schedule that she will stick to and follow in order to get the grades that she is capable of achieving.

I can honestly say I get discouraged, more often than not, when working with her on her assignments. I am sure it is the mindset she has versus mine. I have gotten 2 college degrees online, and am about half-way through my Master’s degree, also online. For her entire life she has watched me spend hours on the computer doing homework, reading textbooks, and complaining about the difficulty of going to school online. I was hoping some of that would have rubbed off on her, but as of yet, it has not.

Confused Girl 1-30-14

If she can finish this school year on a strong, positive note, I may not be so strongly against her doing another year of homeschooling.

What do you do when your homeschooler can’t find the motivation they need to stay on task?

And So It Begins…2015!

Published January 1, 2015 by Angela

I do not do resolutions, as for myself personally, it is almost like I am intentionally setting myself up to fail. At this point in my life, I see no need to put any more pressure upon myself than I already do 🙂

I of course have some goals I hope to achieve, mostly getting healthy (healthier), appreciating each day for the gift that it truly is, being a better Mom, a better Witness to Jesus, and a better friend.

I will continue to work on keeping my 3 blogs polished, current, and fun to read, reach for some personal goals in my career, and reach for new goals in my personal life.

May your 2015 bring you health, happiness, blessings, and answers to your prayers!

photo courtesy of Pastor Rick Warren

photo courtesy of Pastor Rick Warren