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The Calm Before the Storm…

Published October 15, 2014 by Angela

…maybe this storm will pass right by? Yeah. Not likely.

So no one felt the need to ask/tell me that one or more of them want to go live with their dad. I was also gone from 5:30am until 6:30 pm, thanks to a very lengthy Doctor’s visit that has led to several more Doctor visits. More on that, later…

By the time I actually made it home, exhausted, I had to get my participation in for my MBA class, check Erin’s homeschooling assignments (which she is still behind, since she slept until 11 am) of which I have also set a new caught-up date of this coming Saturday.

It is just not going to happen. And I am just not ready for this argument right now. And the attitude. And the slamming doors, and throwing of things important and unimportant. And likely refusal to do homeschooling assignments as some sort of punishment for me when the only person she is hurting is herself.

I just cannot justify letting my emotionally unstable 13 year old teenage daughter move in with her father, who she has not seen since January 2nd. Who cannot keep a job. Who lives who-knows-where. Oh. And he is physically and verbally abusive.

Yeah. Not gonna happen.

So I will prepare myself for the attitude to come, and let her know I am doing what is best for her.

I cannot wait for Christmas and that big battle! 🙂

Some Days I Don’t Know Why I Even Bother…

Published October 14, 2014 by Angela

…doing anything for anyone in this house. Anyone other than myself and my awesome nekkid kitty cat. Because sometimes it is really never appreciated. Actually, it is never appreciated. No, I am not exaggerating. I sure wish I was. But I’m not. I had to take a day off from work to get my homeschooler caught up with her assignments that she has fallen behind on. And while I am reviewing her things on my laptop, she is on their laptop playing games and shopping for clothes.

And this is all happening after I get hit with the fact that she wants to go live with her dad. Her dad who does not call her. Even on her birthday. Her dad that has not seen her since January 2nd. Her dad that is 36 years old and never graduated high school. But hey, him and his 19 year old girlfriend who never graduated either; yeah, they can help her with her algebra. And literature. History? No problem.

I’ll discuss in a later blog how I ended up married to such a worthless bag of skin and oxygen waster.

He has no home. Or vehicle. Or secure job. But yeah, send her there and he will take care of it all. And my 16 year old thinks it is a good idea as well. So I am getting ganged up on by everyone, because after 10 months, he decides he needs to talk about this today as well.

So what I am thinking, since no one cares what the hell I go through to take care of them with NO help from that POS, EVER, that maybe he should take all 3 of them. And I will pay him child support, and marry my boyfriend of 8 years, and start living my life for myself. Because after 22 years of being a Mom, right now, I do not want to do it any more. Not when I get treated like garbage. And used as a taxi, cook, maid, and nurse.

I think it might be time to start living my life for me. They are pretty sure they don’t need my help, so maybe I should just let them see how wrong they are. Because what do I know anyways? I know my 16 year old certainly does not want to live with him, so the fact that she is willing to send her sister there….makes me think she needs to go as well. I think it’s time to start downsizing. If it’s good enough for Erin, well Kendall should certainly be more than willing to go. I mean it is a great place to raise teenage girls, right? Riiiiggghhht.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel different, today I am so hurt and physically sick over this that I cannot see straight.

Things That Do Not Happen Often Enough…

Published October 13, 2014 by Angela

…is all four of my daughters being in the same place at the same time. We all have such busy schedules that we literally have to schedule family time as well.

Girls 10-12-2014 012

Autumn is looking beautiful in West Michigan, and I wish it would stay like this for the whole year.

Looking forward to a busy Monday off from work, thanks to an incompetent dentist and my crown falling off my tooth and out of my mouth yesterday. I really wish I could say this is the first time this ever happened, but it is not 😦

May your Monday be filled with Blessings and Sunshine!

Wolf Lake, Baldwin, Michigan

Wolf Lake, Baldwin, Michigan

How To Have a Relaxing Sunday!

Published October 12, 2014 by Angela

1) Do your homework on Saturday.

2) Get your homeschooler’s work caught up on Saturday.

3) Make sure you have the basic necessities in the house before Sunday; you know, like milk, bread, toilet paper.

4) Make sure no one is going to call you asking for something (i.e. turn your phone off).

5) Don’t plan a road trip for Sunday.

6) Do not put of until tomorrow (Sunday) what you can do today (any of the 6 days prior to Sunday).

I have done an epic fail at this on this weekend. I have homework, my 13 year old has homework, I need to get groceries, I am hauling my 3 girls to meet my 4th daughter at her college campus so I can get (finally) some updated pictures of the 4 of them together.

At this point I see no need to turn off my phone, because I am not going to be relaxing today. I was on the road yesterday with a car full of kids, and get to do it again today. I need to get a weekend figured out where I truly have nothing to do, and nowhere to be. Hopefully before the snow flies.

Have a beautiful, Blessed Sunday!

When You Do Not Know What To Say…

Published October 11, 2014 by Angela

…when your 10 year old daughter tells you there is a Father-Daughter dance coming up. And she asks if you can call her Father and see if he could go.

And you do not even have a phone number to contact him. Or an address to send him a letter. And he hasn’t seen or talked to her in nearly a year. How do I even respond to this?

I know how I would like to respond, and I certainly know what I would like to say. But I don’t. I don’t because it is not her fault. And it is not my fault. I haven’t moved anywhere. I haven’t changed my phone number. And I would never abandon my children. No Matter What.

I am actually a bit beyond ticked that this school would even have this dance. Or any school. Yes, it is great for the children who still have both parents in their lives, but that is hardly the case with the majority of the children in this school. Or in many school for that matter.

I do not appreciate that my daughter is feeling hurt (and I know she is not the only one) because the school did not think this over very well. And before you get all snotty with me about it, she has went to this school for the past 5 years, and they have never done this before. So it certainly is NOT a tradition for this school. Why not have a child-parent dance, so everyone can be included?

I wish her dad could take her. I wish he would take her. I wish he would call her. I wish he would pick her and her sisters up. But he doesn’t. And he won’t. The two older girls realize it, and do not even ask anymore. I guess as sad as it is, I can at least look forward to the fact that she is very close to not asking anymore either.

When There Is Nowhere To Turn…

Published October 10, 2014 by Angela

…there is always one place I can, and do, still turn. That is to my faith, my God, and my Savior. Sometimes that is the only place I can turn, and I am okay with that. That is where I get my strength, courage, and peace of mind. Some days that is the only place I can turn, and even on the days when I do not feel a pressing need to turn to my faith, I still do; to say Thank You. Thank you for my children, my health, my job, a warm home, and the means to support my girls and myself on my own.

So after great accomplishments and gains, I again saw this on my 13 year olds arm today:

Why this again? :-(

Why this again? 😦

She says it has been a year, and I believe her, but why now? She said it was because she couldn’t yell at anyone?

What?
Wait. WHAT?
Does she not think I would rather her yell at someone, myself included, then intentionally hurt herself? We go through this, and get her help, and she takes her medication, but still turns back to this to make herself feel better.

It hurts me that she will hurt herself, and I am so helpless to help her. I have tried everything, times 3, and well beyond.

This is what turns me to my faith. I wish she would start turning to her faith as well.

When You Are Just Too Tired To Care…

Published October 9, 2014 by Angela

…the big things of yesterday seem like minor things today. I thought I was doing fairly well getting acclimated back to 1st shift working / night time sleeping, but I was especially tired today.

I think the fact that I have errands to run, homework to do, and homeschooling work to assist with, I feel even more tired than I really am. The extra caffeine did not help either; it seems to have added to my overall feeling of tired-exhausted-sleepy-crabby-is-it-bedtime-yet attitude.

Dinner is cooked, and I am trying to not be frustrated by the fact that the last time I made potatoes, the girls complained because I did not make enough. So I made the same potatoes x 2, only to have one of them say “Oh, I did not like them that well.”

Not caring. Too tired to care. After I run my errands, I am hoping a great big bowl of ice cream will help me to care about the fact that I have a very important assignment due by midnight for one of my MBA classes.

Ice cream fixes everything, right?

It’s almost Friday, and that makes me smile 🙂

Poor Planning On My Part…

Published October 8, 2014 by Angela

…does constitute and emergency, for me!

This is our first official day of WOW at my church (Worship on Wednesday). We got together last week for dinner and to discuss how we were going to do things this year, getting lessons ready, assigning jobs, etc. I have been teaching one of the small groups for several years now, and I do enjoy my time that I get to spend at church and with the youth groups.

So I have had the entire week to get things in order for the first craft project. Except I didn’t. I mean, I am pretty sure the items I need are already at the church, I had stockpiled a lot of craft supplies there for the last 2 years. But I haven’t really decided on exactly what project I am going to be doing. I am not quite sure exactly what the lesson is for the night, so I want to make sure I pick an activity that fits the theme.

Our youth Minister let us know we really want to focus this year on getting kids to open their bibles. There are lots of fun ways to get them to do this (search for verses, scavenger hunts using verses, acting out verses) and I think it is going to be another great year of WOW.

I just feel completely unprepared, and I have a very busy schedule on Wednesdays with other kids activities going on, plus I need to get my college work in for the day.

So here’s to winging it, and I hope it all works out, like it usually does 🙂

Keeping Your Children Safe On The Internet…

Published October 7, 2014 by Angela

…is a lot harder then I would ever have expected. I have locked down my children’s laptop to the furthest extent I am capable of. I bought a security program that was useless, so I resorted to using Microsoft Family Safety. This security program makes me far more frustrated than it has ever helped protect my kids. Now, I will accept the “explanation” that when they “try” to access a site, say Facebook, that it is going to show up on their activity report, even though they could not get into it.

How exactly is this helping me? Now I have a very extensive list of websites that my daughter may, or may not have, accessed. Yes, there is no replacement for the diligent monitoring a parent can do to help keep their kids safe on the internet. The laptop is used at the kitchen table, with the screen in view of me. This somehow did not prevent my daughter opening a page with the link titled “Beautiful Ladies with big ….”. I cannot even type it here, I am so disgusted.

What did Microsoft Family Safety have to say about this page on her activity log? It could be “suspicious”. What? WHAT? The last word in that edited sentence was of a male body part, but MFS only thinks it may be questionable? Well Microsoft Family Safety, I think you suck worse than your faulty program.

The laptop is locked in my bedroom when I am not at home. But there are also ways around the safety net. Such as logging in and opening the internet and clicking on the site you want from the toolbar before the MFS can even start functioning. I have blocked Tumblr numerous times daily for weeks, I am about 85% positive she is still accessing it.

I am not putting the responsibility of minding my children on an entertainment corporation, but good gracious, at some point I need to use the bathroom, or get the laundry out of the basement, or any other number of tasks that my single mom life requires of me on a daily basis.

I wish there was truly a site that would just block what you want, and not ridiculous things. My daughter homeschools, so it is difficult to block access to news sites when she needs to use information from them, yet she can click on links through there and get to these inappropriate sites.

So, I will continue to look over their shoulders as much as I can, block every website that is inappropriate as they access it (you would not believe the number of social networking sites kids are using; most I have never heard of). At some point I have to rely on them to make the right choices, and I know I raised them in a manner that they know right from wrong. Now I just need to worry about the curiosity and temptation factor that sometimes overwhelms teenagers.