children

All posts tagged children

Being The Bigger Person…

Published November 2, 2014 by Angela

…for the sake of my girls. We were all surprised when their Father and his girlfriend showed up at our home today. My 16 year old had her final marching band highlights concert tonight and she is one of the drum majors. They came up to surprise her and attend this half-time highlights concert.

My beautiful 16 year old daughter and Drum Major for the marching band. I could not be more proud or blessed!

My beautiful 16 year old daughter and Drum Major for the marching band. I could not be more proud or blessed!

So they took the 3 girls out to eat, and then went to the concert. My boyfriend and I sat next to them and we all had a good time. They were unsure if they would be staying at a hotel for the night or not, and would let me know. My boyfriend dropped me off at home, I turned on the radio, and finished cleaning the house, which is so much easier to do when there are no kids here!

So the next message I get is from his girlfriend wanting to ask me a question…if they cannot find a hotel to stay in could they possibly stay on the floor for the night so they can spend time with the girls.

I said yes, I did not have a problem with that. My girls would be heartbroken to not spend as much time with him as possible. In the end he decided he was not comfortable with it, but they did want to hang out with them for a while. So while I was in the kitchen doing my homework and editing some photos and book reviews, they were playing the WII and enjoying themselves.

I was not pleased when the girlfriend finally got me alone and asked if they could take my 13 year old, Erin, for 2 weeks and then bring her back. She is my homeschooler, and thinks she would do better living with her father. I said absolutely not, she was not at a point where this type of adjustment, even for 2 weeks, would do her any good.

I wasn’t surprised either…

So I did my good Mommy deed for the day, week, month, year, whatever 🙂 I honestly did not mind, and was very happy my girls got to spend some time with their dad and his girlfriend.

How Would You Like Me To Reward Your Bad Behavior?

Published October 26, 2014 by Angela

A $75.00 gift card to Amazon?

What?

I was almost speechless, but only for about 2 seconds. My dear 13 year old had an attitude yesterday morning when I told her she needed to get ready to go to her younger sister’s first basketball game. She did not want to go. I explained to her that she needed to go to support her sister, and that her sister would be very upset and hurt to look up in the stands and see everyone there but her. Well, her Dad also, but I think she has pretty much written him off anyhow.

Basketball in hoop

So she was intentionally doing everything in her power to make us late, thinking I would finally give in and just let her stay home. I also was not leaving the house without her, no matter how late we ended up getting to the game.

I think she realized this, as she was at least getting dressed, however slowly. She finally made it to the front door and said “I need to brush my hair.”

“No, you don’t. It looks fine.” More angry-face-crappy-attitude-stomping-of-feet all the way to the car. Did I mention she is 13 years old?

So now I am slowly drinking my coffee, waiting for the 8am mark so I can go get her up to go to her confirmation classes, which she has missed for the last two weeks. I told her yesterday if she did not get up and go to her confirmation classes, and I did not care if she was throwing up all over herself (yeah, I said that. This girl plays the “sick” card like it is her profession), she would not have the laptop left in the mornings to do her homeschooling, and she would spend every evening at the kitchen table with me doing her homework while I do mine.

So here’s to a beautiful Sunday, full of sunshine and Blessings!

Still holding on through the cold weather!

Still holding on through the cold weather!

Planning A Weekend For Yourself…

Published October 25, 2014 by Angela

…is seriously under-rated in my house. At least when it comes to my weekends. This is always a crazy-busy time of year for my girls and I, and it seems as they get older, they become more involved in activities that have me constantly in my vehicle going from one school event to the next. I actually had conflicting things going on today and one of my girls was mad that she did not get to do an activity she wanted to do, and we instead went as a family to watch my 10 year old in her first basketball game.

When they grow up, and if they have children, I am sure they will remember days like this when they are in their vehicles doing the same thing that I did for them. It is all a big circle 🙂

So there are some things coming up in the not-too-near future that I am going to start making reservations for now, that way not only do I have something to look forward to, but I know I will actually take that time that I so desperately need in order to recharge Mom!

Wishing you a sunshine-filled beautiful Autumn weekend!

When You Are Always Wrong…

Published October 17, 2014 by Angela

…no matter what you say or do. This is what my girls and I have been going through for the last couple of weeks. I am not quite sure what is happening or why, but things have become very tense in our home, between the girls, and between the girls and I. Yes; some of it is hormones. When you have 4 daughters, you have hormones. But I cannot blame hormones for all of this.

I am willing to take some of the blame. I have managed to get myself involved in a lot of different things that have made my schedule especially chaotic. I have less than 3 weeks left for my college class for my MBA, and then I do not have any more classes for the rest of this year. This is a great relief for me, and I am hoping I can actually enjoy the holiday season this year as much as I did last year. I have been short-tempered with my girls when they cannot do the most basic of chores or even pick up after themselves.

Are you really incapable of taking that glass you drank your milk from back into the kitchen and in the sink, since you are walking out there anyways to bring some other food or drink item into the living room? Every day when I get home, and every morning when I get up for the day, there are various dirty dishes all over the coffee table, end tables, sitting on the floor next to the couch, rocking chair, or anywhere else they feel the need to leave their stuff.

We will not even begin discussing having 4 ladies using one bathroom! I could do a show; “Big Hormones, Little Home.”

What I definitely know because I am always wrong; is that it means I am the Mom. And that I am doing something right. Because if my teens and preteen agreed with me, I would be acting like their friend, and not their Mother. So I will take this any day over the alternative!

The Calm Before the Storm…

Published October 15, 2014 by Angela

…maybe this storm will pass right by? Yeah. Not likely.

So no one felt the need to ask/tell me that one or more of them want to go live with their dad. I was also gone from 5:30am until 6:30 pm, thanks to a very lengthy Doctor’s visit that has led to several more Doctor visits. More on that, later…

By the time I actually made it home, exhausted, I had to get my participation in for my MBA class, check Erin’s homeschooling assignments (which she is still behind, since she slept until 11 am) of which I have also set a new caught-up date of this coming Saturday.

It is just not going to happen. And I am just not ready for this argument right now. And the attitude. And the slamming doors, and throwing of things important and unimportant. And likely refusal to do homeschooling assignments as some sort of punishment for me when the only person she is hurting is herself.

I just cannot justify letting my emotionally unstable 13 year old teenage daughter move in with her father, who she has not seen since January 2nd. Who cannot keep a job. Who lives who-knows-where. Oh. And he is physically and verbally abusive.

Yeah. Not gonna happen.

So I will prepare myself for the attitude to come, and let her know I am doing what is best for her.

I cannot wait for Christmas and that big battle! 🙂

Things That Do Not Happen Often Enough…

Published October 13, 2014 by Angela

…is all four of my daughters being in the same place at the same time. We all have such busy schedules that we literally have to schedule family time as well.

Girls 10-12-2014 012

Autumn is looking beautiful in West Michigan, and I wish it would stay like this for the whole year.

Looking forward to a busy Monday off from work, thanks to an incompetent dentist and my crown falling off my tooth and out of my mouth yesterday. I really wish I could say this is the first time this ever happened, but it is not 😦

May your Monday be filled with Blessings and Sunshine!

Wolf Lake, Baldwin, Michigan

Wolf Lake, Baldwin, Michigan

When You Do Not Know What To Say…

Published October 11, 2014 by Angela

…when your 10 year old daughter tells you there is a Father-Daughter dance coming up. And she asks if you can call her Father and see if he could go.

And you do not even have a phone number to contact him. Or an address to send him a letter. And he hasn’t seen or talked to her in nearly a year. How do I even respond to this?

I know how I would like to respond, and I certainly know what I would like to say. But I don’t. I don’t because it is not her fault. And it is not my fault. I haven’t moved anywhere. I haven’t changed my phone number. And I would never abandon my children. No Matter What.

I am actually a bit beyond ticked that this school would even have this dance. Or any school. Yes, it is great for the children who still have both parents in their lives, but that is hardly the case with the majority of the children in this school. Or in many school for that matter.

I do not appreciate that my daughter is feeling hurt (and I know she is not the only one) because the school did not think this over very well. And before you get all snotty with me about it, she has went to this school for the past 5 years, and they have never done this before. So it certainly is NOT a tradition for this school. Why not have a child-parent dance, so everyone can be included?

I wish her dad could take her. I wish he would take her. I wish he would call her. I wish he would pick her and her sisters up. But he doesn’t. And he won’t. The two older girls realize it, and do not even ask anymore. I guess as sad as it is, I can at least look forward to the fact that she is very close to not asking anymore either.

I Am At A Loss For Words…

Published October 6, 2014 by Angela

…as to how my 8th grade homeschooler could manage to get herself on the brink of being removed from her virtual online school.

What has she done to raise the ire of the homeschooling staff?

She refuses to answer the phone when her homeroom teacher calls; once every other week.

Every.

Other.

Week.

Twice a month. That’s it. She needs to talk to her homeroom teacher twice a month so they know if she has any questions, issues, concerns, etc.

I do not find this to be unreasonable in the least, and have been explaining to her that she has got to take these phone calls. Or I will be driving her to the local public middle school and signing her up for classes there.

I am really, truly, at my wits end with her lack of cooperation.

She is doing the school work. She is smart. She is not confused by the classes or assignments.

She is quickly running out of options, and she is not going to like the only other alternative I have if she refuses public school like I have been dealing with for the past 5 years.

Any ideas? Thoughts? Words of encouragement? Hexes or spells to make her do what she should? Anything?

Uggh. That is exactly how I feel right now.

UGH

Things The Neighbor Kids Say, Part 3

Published October 3, 2014 by Angela

My 10-year old daughter’s friend came over, asking if she could come outside to play basketball. Here is what the conversation consisted of:

My 10-year-old: “I thought you were going with your dad?”

10-year-old neighbor: “He said he’s sick. So we can’t go.” (her and her older brother)

My 10yo: “Oh, okay. Are you going to go later?”

10yo neighbor: “No. Because he was supposed to get us two weeks ago, but forgot. And the time before that he couldn’t get us because he had no food. And now he says he’s sick. And that he had us 2 weeks ago. But he didn’t cause we have been at Grandma’s during every weekend for the past month. And Grandma said we are never going over there again. So the only time I will ever see my dad again is if I see him at the store.”

I do not find this amusing, and that is not why I am mentioning it. I find it very sad. I find it sad that this young girl is going to be telling this story to anyone and everyone who will listen, because she wants others to think it doesn’t hurt her. I find it sad that she likely thinks there is something wrong with her because she has a father who is completely useless. I find it sad that my daughter completely understands, because her own father will not pick her or her sisters up, ever.

When did it become so hard for parents to be parents? Not their children’s best friend, but their parent. The one who will support and encourage, teach values and virtues, and discipline not because they enjoy it, but because it is a necessary part of parenting.

It has not been easy on me being a single parent by any means, and for quite a while I was succeeding very well at failing my girls. It took awhile for me to let go of the hurt and anger I had, and focus on what was important. That my girls have a mother who loves them more than anything, and will do everything possible to ensure they are cared for, know they are loved, and encouraged to be themselves. Thank goodness they do not need a father for that.

Online Schooling…

Published October 2, 2014 by Angela

…is definitely a big improvement for me than last year when I was setting all of the lesson plans, schedules, checking all of the homework, and then helping her with all of it. Now I just have to help her with all of it. And remind her to stay on task. And answer questions she should probably know the answers to. And remind her to stay on task. And explain to her why it is important to at least move her books from the exact location they were in that morning, so it at least looks like she opened them. And remind her to stay on task. And sit with her through her entire Algebra lessons to help her understand. And remind her to stay on task.

Okay, I think you got my point. I am liking this online environment for Erin (I am working on my 3rd college degree online, so it is definitely familiar territory). The one thing I do not like is the assessments are 4 or 5 questions. If she even gets one wrong, her grade drops by a large amount.

We are still working through the bugs, but she is improving from where she was the first week. Hopefully she is finding her rhythm, and we can keep her caught up. She has one huge writing project that gets shared with the social studies assignments as well, and it does get a bit confusing as to what is due when, and which class they want it submitted to.

I am still hoping she will be ready for public high school next year; she is working towards that goal as much as I am. If she is not, I will definitely go this route next year as well.

We made it past Hump Day, on to the weekend!