depression

All posts tagged depression

Day Two Sucked…

Published July 9, 2017 by Angela

…so let’s see how day three goes. (so far so good, as I managed to get out of bed!) Yesterday I never got out of bed, except to of course get food/water, use the facilities, and I did make brownies for my girls. Boxed brownies, and if I hadn’t wanted some myself, that probably would not have happened either.

I watched a few seasons of Cheers, played Townsmen (I LOVE that game!) on my nook, and did a whole lot of nothing else.

Today I managed to hit the gym by 7:30 am for a 1/2 hour on the elliptical, went and got some pictures of some flowers at the school nearby, showered, and ordered groceries! I would say today has been a success, especially compared to yesterday…

Truth be told, I would love to climb into bed right now and stay there, but I do have an appointment this afternoon, so I am going to upload and edit my pictures, and do some much-needed cleaning.

I hope yesterday was the worst day I am going to have as I continue getting healthy, because it really, really sucked.

And here’s hoping that your Sunday is relaxing, calm, and everything you wish it to be!

Never My Good Day…

Published March 26, 2017 by Angela

…Sundays, that is. This day more than the others has always been a struggle for me. I am seriously waiting for my laundry to get done so I can go back to bed for the day. 

I have been a roller coaster of emotions for the past week+, and once again am being sucked into the dark hole of depression.

The worst part? I have no one to blame but myself. I brought it on myself this time. Or I guess I should say; again.

I have this ridiculous ability to take the best things in life and make sure I destroy it.

Feeling dark today; hoping tomorrow brings a ray of sunshine; no matter how small and dim.

Wishing all of you, my friends, a Blessed, relaxing Sunday!

I Give Up! Tomorrow is Officially My Day One!

Published March 18, 2017 by Angela

Yes; I just threw in the towel. When it can all go wrong in one day; it will for me.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I am saying piss off to so many things in my life. Just done. So many people trying to break me; but you can’t.

No one knows what I am going through; yes, because I keep it to myself. So from here on out; positive posts. and the rest of you, go to hell. Judge me all you want, but I will still only return love.

 

Today I Choose to Just Be Grateful!

Published March 16, 2017 by Angela

I did not sleep very well last night, and woke up with a very sore back. But my cat alerted me to the 4 deer in our front yard, and it was a wonderful site to see at such an early hour. I am grateful I was awake for it.

I have been grumbling for 5 days about a flooded basement in my new home. It is time to realize my good fortune, and be grateful that I had the ability as a single parent to buy this house for my family.

I wake up most mornings wishing I could sleep a little longer, and not have to go to work. But I will always be grateful for the wonderful job I have had for over 20 years, that has done so much for me, and provided for my family. Many are struggling to find full time employment that will support themselves and their families.

I’ve been spending months complaining about the 50 lbs of weight I have managed to gain over the last two years; yet I make no conscious effort to change that. I have a rowing machine being delivered tomorrow, and am grateful that I am able to exercise and get myself feeling better, and healthier.

I am grateful to have the choice to choose healthy food for myself and my family, when so many have little to no food at all. My cure all for everything that ails me? Honey with the comb, which fits great in these tiny Ball jars to take to work!

Honey in Comb

I am grateful for so many things every single day; but it is not often enough that I take inventory of those things.

What are you grateful for today?

How is My Day 4 Going, You Ask?

Published March 15, 2017 by Angela

I am currently sitting at home, waiting for a plumber to show up and fix my flooded basement. Trying to keep it positive, but I had every intention of running some errands this afternoon, getting to church to help with the youth group, and going to the Lenten service.

It appears that none of this is going to happen……I have a sneaking suspicion of what it is going to cost to fix this mess; knowing what the issue is. At this point, I honestly do not care. I am tired of running into my basement every time someone turns on a faucet. I threw out so many books, pictures, clothes, and shoes that I cannot afford to do that one more time.

So for getting out of work early? Yay! The reason why? Boo.

Here is to tomorrow; but I will make the best of today, and unpack and clean as many things as I can!

So About Day Two of This Journey of Mine…

Published March 14, 2017 by Angela

…which was yesterday…. YIKES… good grief I have got to be stronger, more patient, slow down, open my ears, and close my mouth. I am not trying to feel discouraged that day 2 was a total bust, and that I should just go back to Day 1. Lesson(s) learned.

You Know You're Stressed 3-14-17

So my Day 3 is going better, and I am hoping for a quiet, uneventful night at home after I get out of work. This should be fairly simple to accomplish, as I intend on getting dinner on the way home from work, and doing absolutely nothing else besides reading or crosswords.

From my morning reading of “Hands Free Life”, by Rachel Macy Stafford:

“The next time you yearn to fill the spaces of your life and be all there, try using the visual image of physically removing the heavy clock from around your neck. Feel the weight being lifted off your chest as you give yourself permission to be in one place and one place only. Remind yourself these are the spaces where real living occurs and you have every right to devote time and attention to the most important spaces of life” (Stafford, 2015, pg. 42).

I know I have a very difficult time relaxing, especially when I see things around me that need to be done. I feel guilty when I am doing “nothing”, and I need to start seeing my down-time as when I can relax, recharge, and get myself balanced. It is okay to not get everything done at once.

I am sure I will be telling myself this every day for a very, very long time until I master this one task that seems so easy, yet is so very hard for me.

Day One of a New Journey

Published March 12, 2017 by Angela

I have been dealing with some personal issues of a magnitude that even those closest to me are not aware of. While it is not my intention to disclose these issues even now; it is my intention to finally fully own them, face them, and conquer them. 

My journey of raising daughters may be half over, but they will always be my daughters, no matter their stage in life. I also need to make sure I stop losing myself in the chaos and busyness of my life. I really do need to stop and smell the roses. Not occasionally when I make time; but to always make time to do just that. 

As I am in the back seat of my vehicle with 3 of my girls, going to spend the day with the fourth, I am reading a book that I think will truly help me on this journey. It is called “Hands Free Life” by Rachel Macy Stafford, and looks like the perfect book to start this new chapter of my life with; pun intended 😉

Winter in West Michigan…

Published March 5, 2016 by Angela

…can stop anytime now. Like today, for instance. I do not do good in Winter, and it gets worse every year.

Yesterday I had such an emotionally stressful day, on so many levels,  that I sat in my bath this morning, crying uncontrollably, for 20 minutes. Then I had to go to a funeral. 

Before it got to that point, though, I thought some camera therapy would help with the sadness and depression I woke up with. 

I was wrong, but here are the results of my well-intended efforts.